Help I need advise husband went to a strip pub

[Jk191]

I found out recently that my husband visited a strip pub a few years ago with some friends. It has really upset me. He said he was there 10 mins and left and said there were girls on stage but not stripping. I cannot help it but I am finding it hard to forget about it or belive him. Please any advise would be great

Is there a drip feed here op? Has he cheated before? Have you significant jealousy or self esteem issues?

Your reaction is very extreme, it was years ago, I certainly couldn't give a shit. And in reputable places the women are not exploited. Many of them do it to put themselves through uni and earn a lot of money

So there must be something else behind your reaction?

I have tried everything to get him to tell me they were and he still says no one was stripping

He won’t tell you they were if they weren’t. He’s not going to simply tell you what you want to hear if it means he’d be lying.

What's quite concerning is that you just believe him. Why is that? Has he broken your trust before? Did he know this would upset you at the time?

It's cos you don't want to believe him

When oh tells me something i just believe her, she's never lied about anything and why would she start now?

I mean if it was such a non-event, surely he would have said at the time "oh god, got dragged into X, it was awful, left after 10 mins".

Not if the partner suffered from irrational jealousy.

Given your reaction, I can understand why he didn't tell you.

It's not something I could get worked up about.

Thank you very much for the advise and comment I am being unreasonable!
I think I need to let it go. Lifes too short and there are more important things to worry about. I will never be ok with him going to a place like this again. I hope he wont. Thanks everyone!!!

What do you want the resolution to be here?

I will never be ok with him going to a place like this again. I hope he wont.

At least he knows your opinion now and can consider that if the opportunity arises again. That said, if the last time he went to a 'strip venue' was 6 years ago then it's obviously not 'his thing' anyway.

Is this serious?
My husband went to a stag do for his brothers wedding and took him a strip club I don’t see what the problem is? Do you really think your husbands don’t look or like to look at other women?
I would understand if he told you he didn’t go but lied and did or you told him before hand you don’t like it. But to be honest you don’t own your husband he’s his own person, as long as he’s not cheating or going all the time I don’t see a problem. I went to a male strippers night in a pub years ago with my friends it was so tame and tbh it was funny.

I think there's a massive difference between going in with "the lads" on a stag do or 30th birthday or whatever and going in there on your own. I know for a fact my husband went into one on his stag do, with his group of friends and probably under duress! He fully admitted that his friend were planning on going there and I didn't have a problem with it - I personally find the whole thing pretty boring. Oh another pair of t1ts... yawn!
I know he's also been in a couple of other times for his friends stags etc. I accidentally let this slip to one of the other girlfriends in passing and she was horrified and got really upset about it. To which I got in a lot of trouble from my OH!
I also found out that a male friend of mine had been visiting them alone, usually after work. THAT I found really seedy.. made me think of a dirty old man sitting in the corner with a stale pint getting excited over these exploited young girls!

@Redheadwonder just because you're ok with it doesn't mean the rest of us have to be.

I've had a conversation with my OH about the fact that a strip club would be a dealbreaker for me. It's one thing looking at other women. It's another drooling over some young girl wearing next to nothing who's barely 18 and trying to support herself through uni.

I wouldn't like it at all if my husband spent a lot of time visiting strip clubs but one visit? Wouldn't bother me.

It's such a personal thing though isn't it @LolaLollypop? And when you are married to someone, surely their feelings are far more important than your need to see other women naked?

I never said that it though did I?
Everyone has different opinions and that’s mine.
I think the op is gettting her head in a mess for no reason.
So if your husband was invited to a stag you would say he couldn’t go?
“It’s one thing looking at other women”
Do you really think your husband is never going to look at another woman ? Seriously? That’s crazy lol.

There are a couple of things in this world that you just need to accept, and if you do, you'll be much happier and secure in your relationship:

1- Men* watch porn.
2- Men* will go to strip clubs. Strip clubs on stags are a right of passage, it's almost a bit odd if a stag doesn't include one!
3- There will always be people in this world that your husband/wife/partner finds attractive. That doesn't mean they're going to run off with someone, it's just life!

*- women too!

I used to get really upset about these 3 things being a possibility, but as soon as I just made peace with the fact that these things happen, it made such a difference!

I couldn't care less if DH went to a strip club now. If he goes he tells me all about it, normally how he wasn't going to pay £40 for a dance haha.
I went to dreamboys a few months ago and if they feel half as awkward as I felt there, then it's really not all it's cracked up to be for them!

:)

@rosesinmygarden definitely is a personal thing, I agree. But I still stand by my reasoning that being coerced in on your stag do, after 10 pints, when you probably can't see your own hand let alone a pair of boobs on the stage is really not as bad IMO as going in there alone and like a PP said "drooling over a girl wearing next to nothing" etc.

My friends got me a butler-in-the-buff on my hen do. It was a great laugh and aside from my 70 year old aunt getting a bit too touchy feely (!) everyone inc the butler had fun and it was all very light hearted and a one-off.

I certainly wouldn't be going into any male strip clubs and getting off on any male naked bodies under usual circumstances!

Complete U turn on opinion there OP. This has got to be the oddest thread going.

I was about to say that Relationships had gone downhill since I last stuck my head in - but no, this is AIBU I see. OP, get this moved to Relationships if you don't want this thread to be 95% women demonstrating they don't give a shit about other women (women not OK with the sex industry, women being exploited in the sex industry) - and apparently a few men weighing in on the subject as well. Aren't we all blessed to receive their wisdom?

@Ginandgingers92 - I'm not sure what kind of 'men' you hang out with, but trust me, non-sleazebags do exist. No, they don't all watch porn and visit strip clubs, some men have more than two braincells to rub together, shock horror.

Thank you I do feel that everyone is against me and I should be ok with it

@Jk191 you are definitely not unreasonable to be upset about this. Your husband, you know, the man who MARRIED you, went to a pub where women were stripping. Why on Earth would he want to do that, considering that he already has a woman he can see naked at home?

@burnagirl 😂😂😂

Absolutely with @Ginandgingers92 on this one.

@burnagirl are you serious?!

@burnagirl so basic sexual needs/desires of
Straight men make them stupid? Just because a man watches porn doesn’t mean they no brain cells.
If you have a partner how do you think he felt about you when you met? Do you think he thought about you sexually and had a wank?.
If he did probably means he’s stupid and a horrible seedy pervert.
Think some people need to get a grip on here.
Having an addiction or regularly visiting and paying for strippers is a problem. But not going there once and shock horror a man seeing or looking at another woman.
What do you do when there’s naked women on tv put your hands over his eyes for him not to see 😂