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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about village life already?

483 replies

AdoptedBumpkin · 24/11/2019 20:29

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

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Walkalottalkalot · 27/11/2019 15:54

I moved to our village 3 years ago. I attended anything and everything to do with village life -before anyone had a chance to even form an opinion. Fortunately, this seems to have worked, we have been made extremely welcome ( believe me, in a small Welsh village - that's a feat in itself). Out walking a couple of weeks ago and limping quite badly due to a groin strain, four people stopped and asked if I wanted a lift, as well as a child out playing asking me if I was ok. You will get out what you put in - go integrate😊

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2019 16:02

Excellent walkalottalkalot. You're doing very well.

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AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2019 16:04

(Not meant in a patronising way - but I'm sure we've all heard stories about rural Wales.)

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longwayoff · 27/11/2019 16:29

Ah rural Wales, where my sister (40 years ago, mind) was refused service and asked - told - to leave a pub because she was 1. Alone i.e only had another woman for company and no man present 2. Had asked for a pint of beer.
It was explained to the bewildered Londoners, when they arrived back at college, that nice ladies did not go to to pubs alone and, if they were rough enough to be drinking beer, drank from proper lady sized half pint glasses. Also, the landlord, given their scandalous unchaperoned behaviour, probably thought they were prostitutes. Not quite The Slaughtered Lamb. No more hill walks for them.

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2019 16:39

Longwayoff. Wow. Just wow.

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TheSandman · 27/11/2019 16:43

@AdoptedBumpkin

Remember this?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlzaBNgz-M

Our very small, rural (250 pupil) high school elected a male prom queen last year. He's the the only guy I know who owns a unicorn onesy. I know he 's got one because he sometimes wears it on the street. Makes gilets and leather jackets seem pretty tame.

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2019 16:49

The real life Daffyd? Smile

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Walkalottalkalot · 27/11/2019 17:24

Aah, yes - "40 years ago"...... happily, times have changed. Personally, I don't like to see women drinking pints either, but that's me😉 Our last landlord was accused of running his pub "like Herod" apparently, all so much better now that we have a new chap in charge.

TheSandman · 27/11/2019 17:24

and, if they were rough enough to be drinking beer, drank from proper lady sized half pint glasses.

I lived in a city Yorkshire 30 years ago. Women, as a norm, in the less studenty areas, were expected to drink from half pint glasses there too.

My GF and I were in a pub off the usual route one night and someone (male) commented on the full pint of pint of mild I'd just bought her (I think it was mild, it might have been Guinness) she sighed, and without a word, just downed the pint in one. We didn't get any more comments after that.

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2019 18:05

That's brilliant Sandman Grin

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Walkalottalkalot · 27/11/2019 19:12

Classy bird you had there😂

CherryPavlova · 27/11/2019 19:53

There were a lot of people who going into the local town (3.5 miles away was the furthest they had ever been.
So funny. That was true when we lived in Suffolk but was a large town not a village - people from north of town had never been to the south of the same town.
Here in village we have a chap that commutes regularly to Bermuda, my office is in London, my husband commutes between Manchester, London, Bath, Harrogate and Oxford where he has offices.
The neighbours business is based in South Africa but he spends more time in their Chelsea home or Chalet in Val d.
Obviously, the military officers are quite well travelled. As is the wine importer.
We don’t all have straw coming out of our ears!

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2019 20:57

Someone I know once met an old man in Staffordshire who had never been outside his home village. I don't know how they remain sane.

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FelicisNox · 27/11/2019 21:59

That's generally village life. As others have said, you're new so they're interested in you but at this point it won't be harmful.

Just integrate a bit and see how you get on. I loved village life as a kid and hated it as an adult. Go figure.

We live on the outskirts of a village now and I'm much happier. Not all villages are bad so you will have to play it by ear and see how you go.

I'm not sure how old you are but since I hit 40 I really couldn't care less what other people think. You can't control other people's behaviour or attitudes towards you. Generally folks think what they like because it suits their own agenda so don't wear yourself out people pleasing. If they don't put a roof over your head, food on your table or clothes on your back, their opinion means diddly squat.

Practice the pause and breathe. Then smile and stick 2 metaphorical fingers up at the nosey parkers.

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2019 23:51

FelicisNox 👏😆

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Lovely13 · 28/11/2019 01:34

They’re just people, on larger or smaller scale. We all do it, chat, gossip, have a bit of a judgement at someone. I’m happier in a larger place where I can escape and be anonymous. But have lived in small places, too.

BBInGinDrinking · 28/11/2019 03:27

But if you're thinking bumpkin, as per your username OP, then we will be able to smell it on you with our magical country ways. First stage commenting on your purple gilet , next stage sticking pins in to an effigy of you and pinning it on your door, as in Agatha Raisin, as mentioned by a pp. Did you say whether you are in a village with plenty of other incomers or not - have I missed that? One problem in National Parks in particular is the steep rise in house prices and shortage of housing for local people especially on middle and lower incomes, caused by the influx of wealthier relocators, commuters, retirees and holiday home buyers. Some villages have come to resemble dormitories or ghost villages in the week and out of season. It can cause understandable ill feeling when the balance is wrong.

You need to become a Village Lady OP. Tweed, boots, gun dog, WI, jam making, Jerusalem and the church flowers. You could always pose for the village charity calendar, naked but for your gilet.

School gate, church, pub, dog walking, horse riding, doctors surgery, WI and especially the village shop, gossip does happen but it's usually just natural human interest in other people, just friendly chat. As pps have said, it can even result in much-needed help being offered and actually given. IME it's rarely nasty gossip - and you unfortunately get the nasty type everywhere, not just in villages. You learn to avoid the peddlers of bile, and either tell them nothing or feed them falsehoods for fun.

Read or watch the Agathas - Christie and Raisin - and Midsomer Murders, and start plotting a few imaginary ones of your own. It will give you something to smile about and, you never know, they might start to smile back.

Must go - time to join the throng howling at the moon around the village duckpond.

JoannaObrien · 28/11/2019 03:54

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JoannaObrien · 28/11/2019 03:55

nearest one to me does

AdoptedBumpkin · 28/11/2019 09:25

BB House prices are not too bad here. Some of the neighbouring villages are a bit more expensive. The unpleasant types are just harder to avoid here.

Joanna O'Brien Not sure but there are a few eccentrics.

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Ngailia · 28/11/2019 09:43

I've lived in a village and in the city. Currently in a suburb outside of a city. I've enjoyed all the experiences tbh. In London people tend to just get on with life and don't ever try to strike up a conversation on the tube! My kids were little when we lived in a village and they had so many playmates within walking distance and we all enjoyed the slower pace. Now in the suburbs, we are friendly with neighbours and chat to people at the local shops and when dog walking. Everyone has their preferences.

AdoptedBumpkin · 28/11/2019 10:47

Sounds like a good life for your children, @Ngailia.

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Elbeagle · 28/11/2019 10:53

As I said above, we currently live in a village (have lived in villages/towns/cities/a hamlet with 12 houses previously, here and abroad).
Yesterday, just as I put my 10 month old down for a nap, I had a call from school to say my 6 year old was ill and picked her up. Rather than wake the baby up, I asked my next door neighbour (retired) if she’d come and sit with him while I picked DD up.
This morning, my oldest DD was still unwell, but I needed to get DD2 to school. A friend of DD1’s lives 3 doors away, so I asked if DD2 could walk to school with them so I didn’t have to drag DD2 out. They agreed, and will bring her back this afternoon.
When I was ill in hospital I came home to flowers and wine from neighbours on my doorstep. When I had DC3 a neighbour with adult children offered to do the school run for me for a few days when DH had gone back to work. I have many examples of times our local neighbours/friends have helped us out.

AdoptedBumpkin · 28/11/2019 11:00

Sounds great @Elbeagle.

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DarlingNikita · 28/11/2019 11:11

Personally, I don't like to see women drinking pints either, but that's me
Is that a joke?