To be worried about village life already?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

I used to live in London. I miss it terribly. I DID know my neighbours and people do say hello to one another. It takes a while to get used to village life. Just give it time

I gave it 12 years and didn’t have a single friend.

Moved to London and my social life took off.

Made a few good friends.

People who you could talk to that didn’t mind that your look wasn’t entirely British.
That don’t bother with alcohol and the pub, that have the same goals as you.
And had travelled further than the end of the street.

If you don’t like the place then move just don’t waste your life waiting for people to make you feel welcome.

It is all very well and good saying to join in things but if everything you join you are made to feel unwelcome it does nothing for your self esteem.

After a few years I started a business. I was told by more than one of the villagers I wouldn’t get anywhere because I wasn’t a local and they would only support local people.

Guess what they were right. I got not one single enquiry and when I went door to door I was made to feel very very unwelcome.

I thought it was a brilliant idea and it must have been because a few years later a few large companies took my idea and put it into practice nationally.

I bet everyone of those people who rejected me doing it have all used the service.

SinisterBumFacedCat, I must do! I've lived in four different bits of London, though, and have always found it much friendlier than small places where people stare at you suspiciously and you are referred to as 'the exotic-looking girl' as I was in the shithole village I had my childhood in (I am a Brit through and through and the only possibly 'exotic' thing about me was that I then had long dark hair ).

That's rubbish OMA. The irony is, they probably buy things from distant strangers on the internet.

What do you mean rubbish?

That you think that I wasn’t told I wasn’t a local even though I lived in the same village and as for buying from distant strangers I would very much doubt it.

This was a local service involving local shops.

I have no idea about their internet usage now but it was definitely eyed up with suspicion when it first came in.

Sorry OMA I meant it must have been rubbish for you living there.

I live in a rural area. A lot of people who move here say the same as you. But honestly, no one says a thing. Most people have lived here their whole lives and know each other and their families, so I think newcomers feel left out sometimes. This translates into them feeling paranoid. Just enjoy your village. I'm so happy I'm bringing up my children in such a nice place

And had travelled further than the end of the street
My second on this thread.

Thank you @LittleMissMe99. Hope I have a similar experience. There are some people with bad reps or who give bad vibes but hopefully they won't affect us too much.

I’ve loved this thread . I meant to say that the village where I lived for nearly 30 years fought a plan made by a career witch to convert a disused Methodist Church into a Pagan Temple. I still have the pamphlet about the emergency meeting called by the Parish Council .

@SchadenfreudePersonified, some of my favourite books. Am going to try Njal's Saga as it's on your list. The Master and Magarita, must buy it again, I've had so many copies. Impossible to get back if you lend it.

OP, are your DC in the village or nearby school and how have you found that? Are the mums friendly?

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

Why eye roll?

There were a lot of people who going into the local town (3.5 miles away was the furthest they had ever been.

When I enquired about going on holiday they would go and stay on a relatives farm in the neighbourhood or with relatives in the town.

One girl wanted to know where a particular cafe was as her elder sister had an interview for a job there.

I said it was just beyond the hospital (about 100 yards) on a particular road out of town.

Her reply was she had never been that far and doubted her sister would go as it was further than anyone of them had ever been.

You have to realise surely though Oliversmumsarmy that your experience isn’t representative of all villages?
I’ve lived in a huge number of places. Villages, small towns, large towns, cities, a hamlet... UK and abroad. I’ve never come across anywhere or anyone like you’re describing.

@Oliversmumsarmy Good grief, where on earth did you live???

You made no friends in all that time and none of the villagers travelled anywhere that was over a couple of miles away?

We've been here 14 years and folk are always jetting off here there and everywhere!

Cosima, my DD has just begun at the local school. Fortunately she is within walking distance. I haven't properly met too many other parents yet.

In my experience some of the snobbiest unfriendliest people in the whole village were church goers. I often thought if I was ever really “on my uppers” that would have been the last place I’d go for help!

It has been mentioned on here a couple of times, particularly the people who live there.

It doesn’t seem to have changed much in the 2 decades since I left.

I have lived all over and in every village setting you can almost pick out the same personalities.

My friend moved to a village in the south west a few years ago. Close to her dh’s family. It was with the promise that it would be good for the children, the family promised loads of babysitting and childcare.
Of course when she had made the move childcare and babysitting was not forthcoming

She ended up on anti depressants.
I went to visit her and it reminded me so much of the place I left.

So quiet and no one to talk to.
They lasted 2 years and have now moved abroad.
She is so much happier

Her husband wants to live near his parents again as they are getting older and she is putting her foot down that they are not moving back

@Oliversmumsarmy give me a clue please so I don't hAve to read the whole thread again! 😂

That's such a shame for your friend. I absolutely love living in our village it has a lovely community feel. However, MIL lives in a lovely little village where she is very much top dog and if you paid me a million I wouldn't live there!

I've been ill this year and going through a difficult time with treatment etc. I honestly wonder how I would have managed without the kindness of the people in this village. DH has been fantastic but it's lovely that people have been looking out for my DCs to make sure they're ok, or just to get up in the morning to find a little bunch of flowers and a note by the front door. I did find it difficult to start with but can never imagine leaving now.

Have to admit, I'm now curious as to where this awful place is.

Fingers crossed it's not where you've moved to @adoptedbumpkin, you'll have to pick up your gilet and run

Thankfully the odds are thousands to one

It's just occurred to me, as a city lass, that it may be odd that I literally heave a sigh of relief when I've been out and drive into our village. I'm always relieved to be home. Especially if I've been to the 'big town'. 😂

Oliversmum, I have lived in an assortment of rural areas, but never one like that. IME, rural people go to 'town' (10k people) for school and GP. They go to the next biggest town (80k people or more) for furniture, sixth form, work, to see their neighbour in hospital and so on. They also go to agricultural shows (never mind concerts, exhibitions and so on).

My godfather was a farmer, who used to holiday in France back in the 1970s. Yes, there are probably people who have never been more than 10 miles (I'm sure the same is true in cities, too) but they will be increasingly rare. Most rural people get out and about, use the internet and travel.

SpiderCharlotte, nothing wrong with loving where you live.

There were a lot of people who going into the local town (3.5 miles away was the furthest they had ever been.

This is really not the norm for people from villages ime. Not even close. I don't doubt your experience, but it must have been a bloody unusual place!