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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about village life already?

483 replies

AdoptedBumpkin · 24/11/2019 20:29

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

OP posts:
AtomicRabbit · 26/11/2019 19:24

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 19:24

Cosima - that sounds an incredibly dreary existence. Sad

OP posts:
Elvesdontdomagic · 26/11/2019 19:25

They probably said 'who pays a ridiculous amount of money for a coat with no arms'? and the other one said 'yes, it's a gilet'

I definitely wouldn't go to the pub. I think that's probably gossip hub central and if you're already annoyed at someone else's gossip you won't enjoy listening to all that boring crap yourself. It would be tedious!

You've moved for a reason so focus on that and your own family life and ignore the rest.

AtomicRabbit · 26/11/2019 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

thistimeofyear · 26/11/2019 19:27

You're welcome OP. Good luck - I'm sure you'll find some like minded friends soon :)

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 19:29

AtomicRabbit, whereabouts was that, out of interest?

OP posts:
Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 19:30

Thank you @thistimeofyear.

OP posts:
bmbonanza · 26/11/2019 19:39

Course they will talk about you, but who cares...you will be the top topic for a week and then it will move on to who is bonking the barmaid or whatever. Just don't worry about it.

ShagMeRiggins · 26/11/2019 19:45

This thread has me smiling. As an American/French woman who transplanted to London for years and now resides in a village near a university town, surrounded by rural settings, I feel I’ve seen much, though not all.

Give it time, OP, and always be yourself. Smile at the idiosyncrasies. But do let us know how often the parish council mentions the phrase “street scene.”

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 20:10

But do let us know how often the parish council mentions the phrase “street scene.”

I've not heard it so far...

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/11/2019 20:10

In my village the gossipyness goes hand in hand with a terrific level of community support, people genuinely look out for each other. I love it and the gossiping is rarely malicious, in fact its often well meant - a gossip about a poorly neighbour will usually result in people offering to help with the kids or dropping a meal or a cake in.

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 20:14

That sounds great NIDWLI. I don't mind that sort of gossip.

OP posts:
Vanhi · 26/11/2019 20:22

I thought it was funny when my OH and I turned up to an event, not long after we'd got it together. The village matriarch greeted us with a cheery wave and "oh hello you two!" Clearly we had been gossiped about which was funny because "two single, middle-aged people get it together after dithering about for a bit" isn't the best gossip. Of course it's possible that the gossip was more along the lines of "you know the only left-wing person in the village? Well he's shagging the only left-wing person in the next village". Still funny though.

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 20:32

Vanhi I suppose whatever made her happy Grin

OP posts:
Trewser · 26/11/2019 20:33

I don't understand why that's funny 🤷‍♀️

Vanhi · 26/11/2019 20:49

Trewser, if I try to explain it will be even less funny Grin . But I'll give it a go.

I'm in a small, rural community. It is quite gossipy. I found being the subject of gossip funny, because what we had done was really quite mundane. I mean it was lovely for us, but in the grand scheme of things it just wasn't gossip-worthy at all. I went to university in a big northern city where gun crime was rife and you'd find a dead drug dealer down the end of the road. The idea that "Vanhi and John, you know, John, the Labour party supporter, well I'm sure they're y'know, at it" was actually newsworthy seemed pretty funny to me.

It's possibly not funny at all but "John" also finds it funny, which is partly why we're together.

moultonlady15 · 26/11/2019 20:50

Ated:
gee, I want to live where you live. We lived on a farm in Shropshire.I am an American so you can imagine what the farmer's wife thought of me! I am sure she gossiped about me, but in the end, she was great. We moved to Norfolk to be closer to family. We never see then and want to move rurally again. Almost anywhere we would consider..........we love the solitude and room of the countryside. People are just people. Live and let live and sometime you have to ignore comments. Most folk are pretty good souls. At least village life is supposed to extend years on to your life. Daughter lives in Essex. We visit but would not live within 100 miles of the place. Love london but only to visit. give me rural life.....

CherryPavlova · 26/11/2019 20:52

AtomicRoyal We definitely have people who wear a wide range of clothes and styles. Not usually pvc miniskirts, fake Burberry, cheap tracksuits or hoop earrings to be fair but a full range of normal clothes and a few with idiosyncratic tastes.

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 20:57

I hope you get the right move for you Moulton Lady. Hopefully it will extend some years to our lives Smile.

OP posts:
Hepsibar · 26/11/2019 21:12

Try a hamlet?

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 21:16

Was that to me or Moulton?

OP posts:
Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 21:44

Heard a bizarre story via dear partner today.

Apparently a year or two ago, a Pagan/Wiccan woman was banned from one of the pubs in the next village for putting a 'curse' on someone. Ironically, she has now died herself. Confused

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/11/2019 21:48

Apparently a year or two ago, a Pagan/Wiccan woman was banned from one of the pubs in the next village for putting a 'curse' on someone. Ironically, she has now died herself

Sounds like there was a lot more to it than that, you're no it seriously talking that story at face value, are you?

Original poster
AdoptedBumpkin · 26/11/2019 21:53

Sounds like there was a lot more to it than that, you're no it seriously talking that story at face value, are you?

Not really, but it came from someone who used to work in the pub. Who knows?

OP posts:
eastwest · 26/11/2019 22:03

'Gossip' can be a sign that people care. I live between a very small, rural place and a very busy, anonymous city where you might well find a dead rough sleeper at the end of the road :( . In the city people are more 'atomised' and have become to some extent desensitised to human suffering - not a good thing, but a necessary survival mechanism.
She might have been saying 'I love the gilet, wonder where she got it?'
She could have been saying something horrible and sneery, but people say horrible sneery things about strangers' clothes in the city too, you just can't hear them over the traffic noise! Or else they take a sneaky photo of you and text it to their friend with a message saying 'look at the stupid gilet she's wearing' :D