DH, DS and I went to a friends house last night. They have kids too.
When we went to leave the husband picked up ds (6) and tossed him around a bit to say goodbye. He didn't mean it in an unkind way but DS got upset.
I took ds in to another room to give him a cuddle, husband came in to say 'sorry' to ds but told him he needed to toughen up/man up and stop being such a baby.
He's upset ds before, made the odd comment about him being spoilt and soft. We'd not seen them for a few months the last time it happened. Clearly seeing them last night was a huge error of judgment on my part.
When he's made comments before dh and I have never said anything. He's a very domineering man. He shouts his wife and kids down constantly. He hits his kids for misbehaving. His daughter once snuck downstairs when she was meant to be in bed and he made her hold her hands out and hit them as hard as he could. In front of us. She started crying and he did it again.
Last night I'd had enough. I told him ds didn't need to man up and toughen up, he's a just turned 6 little boy. That he needed to back off and I didn't want him saying things like that anymore. He was very drunk if that makes any difference.
He started yelling at me (dh had taken ds out) and I told him he was just a bully. If people didn't agree with him he just scares them in to being quiet. And I was done with it.
So then he put his hand on my face and pushed me pretty hard and I stumbled back. I'm very ashamed to say that at that point I lost my temper completely and yelled at him. So I don't drip feed later- I've been in an abusive relationship before and rightly or wrongly that's probably why I lost my temper and yelled at him. It was absolute shock of someone (almost worse in a way as it was a friend) being psychical.
We've continued to be around them as we live close together in a remote community so are around them almost daily. There's no escaping it. And I'm really good friends with his wife.
Am I over reacting in being so upset?
And to just want to not socialise with them ever again?
He texted Dh later just 'sorry'. Typical that the misogynist felt the need to say sorry to dh and not me. I've not heard from him or his wife, I'm pretty shocked I've not had an apology from her today, not that it's her that should be apologising but if dh had done something like that I'd be reaching out. I'm guessing she's probably siding with him.
Obviously dh thinks it was terrible but he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I'm being silly probably but it's really shaken me up. I'm in my 40s. I'm a Mum. Obviously that doesn't mean these things should happen any less to anyone but I thought those kinds of toxic and unpleasant situations were a thing of the past.