to not want dss staying?

[LoopyLouLisa]

I feel like a bitch. Dp called earlier to say his son (12yrs) has fallen out with his mum and wants to stay with us.

Normally i really wouldn't have a problem with this, but the timing....

I go in for a cs with dc2 in 11 days. Dp works away all week (leaves monday early am and back fri night) and I also have ds1 (18mths) to cope with. It seems he wants him to stay for a few weeks. I am gutted that the time I thought we will now not have any time on our own with lo. My mum is already taking ds1 off our hands quite a lot in the early days as I wont be able to lift him and dp will have to now do school run for the whole of his short paternity leave, approx 10 miles each way, just because of a teenage spat.

Dss isn't a horrible child but can be demanding when he hasn't got much to do. On the weekends when we do have him, we have to take him out, regardless of whether we can afford to or he whinges the whole time that he's bored. It also means we never get chance to take ds out doing something more suitable for a toddler, as dss gets impatient. i have a few issues with his language and temper too as i don't think ds1 should witness/hear it, but as dss isn't mine i cant discipline him.

i just don't have the energy or strength to be dealing with this right now. am i being completely unreasonable ? is it just my hormones?

[elkiedee]

Well done in getting so far in establishing a way forward and talking to dp about things. Hope it all goes well.

[MrsMarvel]

What a great step forward. Fantastic that you could stand your ground and things have gone your way. Sometimes you need to do that to make changes. Best wishes for 31st, your big day.

[law3]

You seem to be handling it really well, especially given your condition!

Your dh is probably scared that his ex might stop him from seeing his son or that his son might not want to see him, if he doesnt do as they want. I know this was my dh's greatest fear, he would bend over backwards to accomodate his ex and his son, usually at my expense. For example when our son was born (he is now 3.5) i was being stitched up and my ds was rushed to intensive care, it was on a friday and should have been 'our' weekend to have dss stay. His ex insisted that he leave the hospital and go and pick up his son otherwise she would stop him from seeing him.

Although i can understand his fear, i reminded my dh that its me he lives with, its me he has to come home to and who he should be keeping happy or else they would be no home for his dss to visit. That was 3 and half years ago and we seem to have it sorted now (although i suffered in silence for about 4 and half years!!)

You doing the right thing by speaking up and setting the ground rules early on.