AIBU?
Aibu: argument over night outs
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 16:41
Been with boyfriend for 6 months. We're mid 20s.
We had an argument before because he went out last weekend and he's going out this weekend and was planning on going out next weekend.
I started an argument about how we dont do anything on the weekends together and how he went out last week and was hungover all day on sunday, and how it's going to be the same this week amd next.
I also said i dont want to be with someone who goes out every weekend.
He started saying how im calling him an alcoholic,
I said im not but that he binge drinks and doesnt know when to stop and that if he wants the single life of going out every weekend and being hungover on sunday then just be single,
He said i'm dictating him,
So i said well if you think i'm dictating then luckily relationships are for finding out who youre compatible with;
He said this upset him.
He's cancelled next weekend and has gone out this weekend and we made up but now i feel like a control freak :( I dont think I am since he went on holiday with friends for 2 weeks last month and I was fine,
We have cinema nights together in the week and stay overs and we had the night together last night after work but I felt itd be nice to have a weekend together :(
But i feel ive overreacted and have come across controlling
Bluntness100 · 23/11/2019 16:45
You're right about compatibility. He's entitled to go out with his mates, get drunk, do whatever, he's still young with no commitments ie kids,
If it's not your scene and you don't wish to be with someone who does that then end it. What you can't do is threaten him to live the life you wish him to lead. That is controlling.
KittenLedWeaning · 23/11/2019 16:46
It's not unreasonable to want to spend some time with your boyfriend at the weekend - when he isn't lolling round with a hangover. Three weekends in a row where you'd get no quality time together is excessive - it signals that he is choosing these nights out and the company he's with, in preference to you.
That might be OK if you were comfortable with it, but as you're not either he needs to change his behaviour or you need to consider whether the relationship will work in the long term.
onthecoins · 23/11/2019 16:53
I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to go out on Saturday nights in his 20s, but then you're not unreasonable to not want to go out.
I certainly went out most Saturdays in my 20s.
But you shouldn't stop him or tell him not to. You don't sound compatible really.
StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/11/2019 16:53
I think you’re simply expecting more from it than he is. Maybe to him, you’ve been seeing each other for six months and it’s good fun, whereas you see it as the beginning of something long term. I know that, personally, I’d see it as a bit too much, too soon, if someone was ‘fine’ with me going on holiday - it implies you would have been within your rights to NOT be happy with it.
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:00
We actually met on a night out through mutual friends but i go out once every few months - me and my friends prefer to go for meals;
I love him to pieces and i never want to control him; im happy for him to go out but thought 3 weekends in a row was a bit much to get steaming drunk and hungover on sunday
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:02
I love our weekdays together but it's always after work when im exhausted and we're asleep by 10-11.
I just want to get up on a saturday maybe go for a walk together and spend the day together and then he goes out (that would be my ideal, not his obviously) but instead im up at 9, he's up at 11 and then first thing he says is "im leaving at 1" and it just feels we havent done anything together
aHintOfPercy · 23/11/2019 17:03
Neither of you are in the wrong, you're just not compatible. Shame that he doesn't want to go out with YOU at the weekend though. I thought nights out together at the weekend was normal dating practice, but other posters seem to think you're controlling so maybe my thinking is out of date on that.
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:05
Thank you @ahintyofpercy, im not saying he can never go out, but even every other weekend would be nice so we can have a day together of bowling or a movie day;
I dont want to feel too scared of bringing something up to him in fear of being controlling
ohwheniknow · 23/11/2019 17:07
I also said i dont want to be with someone who goes out every weekend.
That's fine but it's not him, so you need to find someone else.
Don't stay with someone with whom you're incompatible just because you've grown attached to them over the last few months.
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:08
I really dont get why i sound controlling though over one argument?
He goes out, spends time with friends and family, we both have our space in the week,
I brought something up that was on my mind - that id like to spend a weekend when it doesnt feel like hes rushing off,
Goodness, it's no surprise to me some females hold things in, in fear theyll be streotyped as the crazy psycho girl, because god forbid were not the "cool girlfriend"
OneDay10 · 23/11/2019 17:10
Yanbu as it seems like you are incompatible. FWIW that is the exact opposite of someone I would like to date.
And the binge drinking- only gets worse with time.
Rather dump him. Just too much hard work for 6 months in. As well as being made to feel like you are controlling. Nah.
MashedSpud · 23/11/2019 17:10
Just dump him. He’s not going to change. Imagine a few years down the line if you have kids he won’t magically change. You’ll be looking after kids while he acts like a single guy.
Who wants to be with a heavy drinker who nurses a hangover the next day? How dull.
Techway · 23/11/2019 17:15
How old is he? I think he is the wrong man for you. What you want is fine. Time together at weekends rather than during the week after work but he wants the big night put. Why does he leave at 1pm? Does he start drinking early?
I also think he might be the type to not slow down the drinking and partying even when he is older so your instincts might be working for you.
Don't hang onto to someone who you are not suited to. There will be guys out there who don't drink excessively and if you hang on to this one you will miss out on meeting those.
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