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Aibu: argument over night outs

110 replies

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 16:41

Been with boyfriend for 6 months. We're mid 20s.
We had an argument before because he went out last weekend and he's going out this weekend and was planning on going out next weekend.
I started an argument about how we dont do anything on the weekends together and how he went out last week and was hungover all day on sunday, and how it's going to be the same this week amd next.
I also said i dont want to be with someone who goes out every weekend.
He started saying how im calling him an alcoholic,
I said im not but that he binge drinks and doesnt know when to stop and that if he wants the single life of going out every weekend and being hungover on sunday then just be single,
He said i'm dictating him,
So i said well if you think i'm dictating then luckily relationships are for finding out who youre compatible with;
He said this upset him.

He's cancelled next weekend and has gone out this weekend and we made up but now i feel like a control freak :( I dont think I am since he went on holiday with friends for 2 weeks last month and I was fine,
We have cinema nights together in the week and stay overs and we had the night together last night after work but I felt itd be nice to have a weekend together :(
But i feel ive overreacted and have come across controlling

OP posts:
adaline · 23/11/2019 20:13

Wanting different things to your boyfriend of six months doesn't make you boring or controlling.

Themountainsarecalling · 23/11/2019 20:16

You're not boring or controlling, you just have different interests and priorities.

If your friendship group is so different to that of your boyfriend, it's no wonder you're confused, especially if they're all single and out boozing at the weekend.

If you decide to stay in the relationship, look at widening your interests so that you aren't stuck on your own at weekends. Join a walking group, like a PP suggested, find things that fit in with what you like to do. Be more independent and confident in your own qualities.

I do think it would be mistake to stay with this man long term if he doesn't change, perhaps you could give it six months to work on more activities for yourself, see if things change and then walk if they don't. Just because at the moment you want very different things out of life.

AnuvvaMuvva · 23/11/2019 20:31

He wants to live weekends like he's single, but to keep the company of you coming over and eating/shagging him during the week.

Thestrangestthing · 23/11/2019 20:39

Is this the norm then? Is it just because of the time of year?

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 20:47

I dont know if its the norm, when we got together during springish-summerish time, we spent most days together, as the honeymoon period goes, but the past month i feel alcohol is always on his mind,
He didnt go out 2 weeks ago but he wanted to but none of his friends were out but he kept saying how he wishes he was out, and im just getting sick of alcohol talk

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 23/11/2019 20:52

I think this is a bit jumbled in your head,

I don't know how to put this gently, but you've not got your own friends to go out with. This is the fundamental issue, so you're getting bored and lonely if he doesn't spend time with you.

You need to become more independent, find friends to go out and do stuff with. Not resent him because he does and you've nothing to do with anyone when he's out having fun,

So yes, widen your social circle, make an effort to go out with people, to invite people out. Try to do something so you also have a social life.

He will know the problem is you've no one to go out and do stuff with. This translates as needy. Clingy. It's not positive.

Find some like minded friends to go and have fun with and spend time with at the weekend. You will likely find he wants to spend time with you when you do. Rather than what it is now, he feels he has to because you've nothing else to do.

Thestrangestthing · 23/11/2019 20:56

But you have been together 6 months. Has he spent most of the weekends in that 6 months out with friends?
Sounds like he lives a drink, you don't, it's not going to work. If you ever ended up having a child, he may not change.

onthecoins · 23/11/2019 20:59

Find yourself another boyfriend OP.

It's not abnormal or unusual for a man in his early 20s to go out with his mates on a Saturday night.

He's not the one for you, you're not looking for the same things in a relationship.

Rezie · 23/11/2019 21:12

You are not compatible. There is nothing wrong with him wanting to go every weekend. It's not wrong of you to wish you'd spend more weekends together. Yes, it's possible to compromise with agreeing beforehand the weekends you spend together. But it sounds like the going out is his highlight.

billy1966 · 23/11/2019 21:51

OP, you are a great girl but his buddies are all single....
Know thy enemy 🤣

He's in his 20's with a bunch of buddies that are single.... don't go there.

He sounds like a nice guy but he's on a completely different track to you..

Don't get caught up in feeling bad..such a waste of time.

This is what your 20's are on. Don't invest in someone whom is on a different track.

Move on. 👍

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