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Aibu: argument over night outs

110 replies

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 16:41

Been with boyfriend for 6 months. We're mid 20s.
We had an argument before because he went out last weekend and he's going out this weekend and was planning on going out next weekend.
I started an argument about how we dont do anything on the weekends together and how he went out last week and was hungover all day on sunday, and how it's going to be the same this week amd next.
I also said i dont want to be with someone who goes out every weekend.
He started saying how im calling him an alcoholic,
I said im not but that he binge drinks and doesnt know when to stop and that if he wants the single life of going out every weekend and being hungover on sunday then just be single,
He said i'm dictating him,
So i said well if you think i'm dictating then luckily relationships are for finding out who youre compatible with;
He said this upset him.

He's cancelled next weekend and has gone out this weekend and we made up but now i feel like a control freak :( I dont think I am since he went on holiday with friends for 2 weeks last month and I was fine,
We have cinema nights together in the week and stay overs and we had the night together last night after work but I felt itd be nice to have a weekend together :(
But i feel ive overreacted and have come across controlling

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 23/11/2019 18:14

I dont think its dull to go cinema, walks, food, hiking

Well no, because it's what you like doing. I personally would have found it dull, and at fifty i still don't find going to the cinema as very exciting. Meals yes, I like going out for dinner, but I'm not a fan of going for walks or hiking, but then neither is my husband.

We are together because we are compatible, we enjoy much of rhe same things, as well as our own stuff. You guys don't. He doesn't want to go hiking. Like you don't want to go clubbing,

Hence why you're incompatible.

CottonSock · 23/11/2019 18:15

Could you join a walking group?

I met my dh in the young ramblers and it had a good social side to it.

TimetohittheroadJack · 23/11/2019 18:18

Of all the long term couple I know, both like a good drink, or neither drinks much at all.

You need to find someone who shares your interests (or start drinking!)

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 18:21

I do drink when we sociliase with friends like last night we had a couple of drinks with 2 friends, and i drink when were on holiday but i dont go clubbing

OP posts:
SouthernComforts · 23/11/2019 18:29

Are you ignoring all responses about you not being compatible on purpose?

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 18:31

But apart from the drinking, we love our cinema dates in the week, take in turns picking movies, we watch series together,
We laugh a lot, love each others families,
Its just the drinking

OP posts:
adaline · 23/11/2019 18:32

You just have different ideas of fun.

Maybe consider the fact that you're not compatible in the long run as a result.

user1492809438 · 23/11/2019 18:33

You are a grown up, he is not.

steff13 · 23/11/2019 18:36

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable, you're just different. I think you have two options here: accept this is who he is and don't let it bother you, or, end the relationship.

SmellMySmellbow · 23/11/2019 18:38

It's not unreasonable to want him to stay in more, but it's unreasonable to expect it. He's in his mid-20's, it's the festive season, he's only been with his girlfriend for a short time - him going out drinking each weekend is totally predictable. If that's not what you're in to, fair do's - cut your losses while it's still new and find someone who is more similar to yourself. You don't want him hanging out with you under duress, it comes from his instigation or not at all.

Themountainsarecalling · 23/11/2019 18:45

You're just not right for each other right now. He doesn't want to stop drinking at the weekends and having fun with his mates. Neither of you are wrong, but he's more suited at the moment to a woman the same as him, who wants to go out and party with her friends at the weekend.

You're both mid 20s? Plenty of time to find someone you're both more compatible with. Don't waste time trying to get him to change now, he doesn't want to and will resent you every time you bring it up.

I wouldn't have the same priorities right now, so I'd end it and leave him to his drinking. In 10 years time he may be exactly the same person, drinking himself to oblivion most weekends, or he may have changed. You're not the person he's going to change for, though, it seems, even if you do enjoy each other's company the rest of the time.

Quiettimeplease · 23/11/2019 18:55

OP you are not controlling at all. You just sound more grown up and grounded than him. Maybe you would be more suited with someone who has similar interests and doesn’t want to spend all weekend drinking.

egontoste · 23/11/2019 18:59

Your idea of a fun weekend is to spend time with him.

His idea of a fun weekend is spending time with his mates.

Perhaps you just aren't compatible. You can't 'make' him want to spend time with you rather than with his friends, he has to want it himself. And at the moment he seems to want to get drunk with his pals on a Saturday night and be hung over all day Sunday more than he wants to be with you.

Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2019 18:59

You are simply not compatible and have different preferences for leisure time. That’s fine but you need to accept that you therefore will spend the minority of your leisure time together

LolaSmiles · 23/11/2019 19:07

As people have said repeatedly, you're not compatible. Even the way you speak about him and his friends Vs you and your friends suggests you view your way as better and more responsible than his.

What will probably happen is you'll stay in the relationship, nag at him to change and be more like you, he will either get fed up and leave or he'll make some changes short term and will grow in resentment.

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 19:32

Thanks everybody, i dont view myself as better than him - i think hes amazing, caring, handsome - it really is just the drinking and hangovers he has -
Maybe i do need to work on being less intense and maybe i should connect with old friends to widen my social circles

OP posts:
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 19:34

I'd love to be able to go out and socialise with him and his friends (not clubbing) and he does ask me sometimes to come but my friends dont like to drink and prefer to stay at home, which means i cant go because i dont want to be the only girl surrounded by boys, id find it awkward, but i cant magic up friends to go out :(
I do feel a bit boring at times and find my friends a bit boring, and maybe ill regret wasting my 20s in 10 yrs time

OP posts:
EntropyRising · 23/11/2019 19:39

Move on OP. You're incompatible.

pinkyredrose · 23/11/2019 19:43

So what if he's hungover on a Sunday, you don't live together do you? Let him do his thing and you do yours.

adaline · 23/11/2019 19:46

I'd love to be able to go out and socialise with him and his friends (not clubbing) and he does ask me sometimes to come but my friends dont like to drink and prefer to stay at home, which means i cant go because i dont want to be the only girl surrounded by boys, id find it awkward, but i cant magic up friends to go out

Do none of his friends have partners who they can invite too?

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 19:46

No theyre all single

OP posts:
Ginseng1 · 23/11/2019 19:50

For the umpteenth time he's not invested in the relationship. He's just not ready to give up the drinking & clubbing & you have no interest in joining gang of lads on a binge drink n clubbing sesh (don't blame you) does any of his friends have girlfriends do they all stay home while the fellas out or are they all still single? I can't imagine many girlfriends putting up with that for very long! having nice dates on weeknights n loving each others families while he carries on the single life on w/e is not great :(

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 19:52

All his friends are single but my head just feels a mess right now :(
I feel we get on great but now im questioning the compatibility, whether im boring and controlling, whether i should be going out more - i feel like crying

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 23/11/2019 19:58

It's not about whether you're boring or not. It's absolutely totally reasonable to have different interests from someone else and have different ideas of fun.

The only bit that would be controlling is if you were going to try and push him to change.

Not being compatible with someone isn't a personal failing on anyone's part.

Haggisfish · 23/11/2019 20:06

Oh fgs you aren’t boring and neither does he need to not drink-you are just not compatible. There is no resolution to this when you are both do different from each other. Either stay and accept this is probably how he will be every weekend or split up. Personally I would do the latter.

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