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Aibu: argument over night outs

110 replies

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 16:41

Been with boyfriend for 6 months. We're mid 20s.
We had an argument before because he went out last weekend and he's going out this weekend and was planning on going out next weekend.
I started an argument about how we dont do anything on the weekends together and how he went out last week and was hungover all day on sunday, and how it's going to be the same this week amd next.
I also said i dont want to be with someone who goes out every weekend.
He started saying how im calling him an alcoholic,
I said im not but that he binge drinks and doesnt know when to stop and that if he wants the single life of going out every weekend and being hungover on sunday then just be single,
He said i'm dictating him,
So i said well if you think i'm dictating then luckily relationships are for finding out who youre compatible with;
He said this upset him.

He's cancelled next weekend and has gone out this weekend and we made up but now i feel like a control freak :( I dont think I am since he went on holiday with friends for 2 weeks last month and I was fine,
We have cinema nights together in the week and stay overs and we had the night together last night after work but I felt itd be nice to have a weekend together :(
But i feel ive overreacted and have come across controlling

OP posts:
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:51

Yes if he was able to function, i'd be fine, it's his hangovers and the fact we cant do anything

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/11/2019 17:52

Then your issue is that you don’t get to enjoy a whole day together/ don’t mention the night out bit. If he can’t give you that he’s not the guy for you

ohwheniknow · 23/11/2019 17:53

You sound controlling yourself with quite a rubbish attitude that people are controlling for bringing something up thats bothering them.

So when people say things you don't like you throw your toys out the pram and start personal insults?


You know we can all still read your op, right? Maybe take that into account when you start trying to rewrite history.

cccameron · 23/11/2019 17:53

I can't believe that you're shocked he wants to go out every weekend. You're early 20s, that's what most people your age do surely. Staying at home and going to the cinema sounds as boring as fuck, even for someone three times your age!

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:54

Nope i just dont agree that people are conteolling for wanting something.

OP posts:
Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:56

Im not expecting him to stay home every weekend, just some would be nice

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 23/11/2019 17:56

I've been with my husband thirty years since I was twenty, if he told my in my twenties I should not go out every weekend but instead stay om and go for walks with him I'd probably have ended it and thought how dull.

You're just incompatible. You don't drink, you like to do things like go for walks. He likes to party with his mates. Nothing wrong with either lifestyle.

What is wrong is when you tell him he's not allowed to do what he wants to do, just like he can't tell you you need to go out clubbing and drinking. Which it appears he isn't doing. He is not trying to force you to do what he wants, and you should follow his lead and not forc him to do what you want.

Tistheseason17 · 23/11/2019 17:57

Sounds like you have different ideas about relaitonships - it's ok to want something different but it's not okay to try and change someone.

I would not want to date/marry someone who likes clubbing without me most weekends.

It's not awful - you are just want different things and are at different stages of your life.

It's early days so cut your losses and move on.

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 17:58

But im not saying he cant go out, im just asking to have a weekend together,
I dont get why im boring because im not drunk every weekend?

OP posts:
SouthernComforts · 23/11/2019 18:00

You are not right for eachother (for the 50th time).

You don't drink. He is a binge drinker.
You want to be up and about on a weekend. He wants a lie in Saturday and a hangover Sunday.
You want films and walks. He wants to go to clubs and sleep all day.

Stop trying to force him to fit your idea of what a boyfriend should be. And FWIW it does sound like he isn't ready to leave his single lifestyle behind. You're young and that's ok. Let him do his thing, get out there and find a guy who wants what you want.

cccameron · 23/11/2019 18:01

It's not that you are boring because you're not drunk just that how you want to spend your time seems really dull.

Bluntness100 · 23/11/2019 18:01

Op, do you have any friends to go out with on a weekend? Walks, cinema, what ever you fancy doing? Is the root caus here you have no one else to socialise with.a?

feelingsinister · 23/11/2019 18:02

I don't think either of you are in the wrong but it sounds like you're not compatible.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to get drunk every weekend but it would be best if you were seeing someone who didn't want to if it bothers you.

It's far too early in your relationship to be having these sort of arguments.

OhDear2200 · 23/11/2019 18:02

Oh for goodness sake OP no one is saying that you are unreasonable for wanting him to spend time with you what we are all saying is that you are just in different places and he doesn't want that!

Confused101010 · 23/11/2019 18:03

I dont think its dull to go cinema, walks, food, hiking, but i suppose were all different

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 23/11/2019 18:04

Look, he's just much less invested in this relationship than you are, and wants different things. He likes seeing you occasionally fairly casually, you want coupley quiet weekends together.

You want different things. You are different. You just don't work together. You aren't going to get what you want.

Themountainsarecalling · 23/11/2019 18:06

There are plenty of people who throw out that someone else is being controlling or telling them what to do, when it's no such thing. It's a kind of control in reverse, doing exactly what they want, regardless of anyone else, and then say that 'you're controlling me' because it's their way of shutting down a discussion on what is or isn't acceptable.

speakout · 23/11/2019 18:06

OP let it go.
You and your boyfriend are just not right for each other.
He is not ready to give up the adolescent stage of drinking/hangovers, and you are in a different place.
Neither of you are wrong, but dragging him places he doesn't want to be is crazy.
Ideally you want him to want the same things as you- but you can't force that.

BackforGood · 23/11/2019 18:08

I dont get why im boring because im not drunk every weekend?

I don't think many people are saying that.
Personally I wouldn't continue in a relationship with someone who though life was about getting so blotto every Saturday that they couldn't function on a Sunday.
However what most folk are saying is that your a different from each other. That is perhaps a different way of saying it as you seem resistant to the idea of being incompatible. You need to find someone who likes getting up early at the weekend, and going out and doing stuff. He needs to find someone who enjoys clubbing and lying about not doing anything the next day.

speakout · 23/11/2019 18:08

And OP sorry- but he isn't that into you. Just be aware, and don't invest too much emotionally.

Six months max.

poorstudent1010 · 23/11/2019 18:10

I can see both sides. It sounds like he is your entire social life, so after work (or whatever) during the week, you want to spend time with him & you don’t really socialise with anyone else.

Whereas he after work (etc) during the week also wants to spend time with his friends as well as you, and would rather spend a Saturday night going out rather than staying in and watching Netflix.

Neither of you are wrong for having your preferences, however it does make you incompatible though.

tictac86 · 23/11/2019 18:10

You cant dictate what he does. If you dont like it then leave and find someone more suited to you.

newtb · 23/11/2019 18:10

As people have said on many threads, when someone tells you who they are, listen, because they aren't going to change.

He's told you that he sees it as normal and therefore he's not going to change because
he likes his Saturday drinking to start just after lunch and continue until the last of he and or his mates falls over, passes out
he sees nothing wrong in being wasted and unable to function for most of Sunday
he apparently doesn't see anything wrong in being banned from a club for drunken behaviour that has to be quite extreme to get banned

IMO you need to realise this and ditch him, and he needs to grow up.

Imagine you stay together and get married and have a couple of dc. Imagine that one of the dc is really ill and he's too drunk/hungover to either stay at home with one, or alternatively, drive to the hospital.

My stbxh drank every lunchtime at work, drank at home, and before he stopped was hiding bottles under the sink, in the spare wheel etc etc. He finally decided he was an alcoholic about 3 years ago, but probably had been for the best part of 20 years before that.

billy1966 · 23/11/2019 18:11

OP, you most definitely are NOT being controlling.

At all.

The thing is after 6 months he should want to be with you a bit more and see his mates around you, or maybe the odd weekend he'd have a night out with them.

Going out with his mates 3 weeks in a row and getting into such a state that he's cancelling plans he's made with you is just telling you that you are not really that important too him.

Honestly, I would take it that he's still very young, and his mates, and going on the piss, is a priority.

Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

I just wouldn't be interested in being the girlfriend of someone who preferred being on the piss, than being with me over the weekend.

It sounds as if you are a bit more mature and are looking for something else.

People mature at their own pace.

His mates are his priority.

Personally, I think that is what your 20's are for.

I enjoyed those years, out clubbing till all hours. But my friends enjoyed that too.

Don't invest in a relationship that just isn't giving you what you want and need.

It's not fun being the partner of someone who likes being on the lash the whole time.

Drunk people are very dull.

Accept that ye are different people in a different place in your lives and move on.

Wishing you well💐

billy1966 · 23/11/2019 18:13

OP, the drinking from lunchtime and being banned from clubs are red flags.

Not the type of behaviour I'd want to be in any way associated.

Move on.

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