Neighbour ringing our doorbell in the middle of the night

[applesauce1]

Our neighbour has just rung our doorbell at 11:15 at night. It is the third time he has done this.

Back story: We have a motion activated flood light outside our house and a steep drive. He has previously complained that when it comes on, it shines into his bedroom window (despite it being pointed as far down as it goes and definitely not in the direction of his windows). In the summer, the light is always turned off as a neighbourly courtesy. Now it is darker earlier, I’ve turned it back on so I can get our baby safely down our steep drive in the dark when I get home from work. I turn the light off at the fuse box when I get in.
On three occasions (twice last winter and now tonight), I’ve forgotten to turn it off and he has come round to ring our bell. Once he rang the doorbell at 2am. Each time he has done it, he has woken our baby.

Tonight I actually went to the door and was extremely upset with him. I told him that I am trying my very best to remember to turn the light off at night but that he absolutely should not ring our doorbell at night as we have a baby trying to sleep. He started to shout at me about it shining through his window and that he would speak to his solicitor. I said I would call the police and that he should get some proper blinds or curtains.

He does have curtains but they are very raggedy and coming down in places.

I called 111 who offered to come out now as he is being a nuisance neighbour, but I asked if they would be able to come tomorrow instead as it would just further disturb my son.

Am I in the wrong? Should I have just apologised for forgetting to turn our light off? I’m still breastfeeding and up twice a night at least with our baby, so I know how it feels to be sleep deprived and I don’t want to be the cause of that for someone else.

I think you're both being a little unreasonable. He shouldn't have rung your bell at that time of night, but you should have apologised for forgetting to turn the light off and not turned it into a fight.

If you can't set a timer on it, can't you just set an alarm on your phone to remind you to switch it off each night?

Just because it's not shining directly at his window doesn't mean the light wouldn't light up his room when it comes on.

applesauce1

Good on you for being able to update with a sensible decision (And take the typical MN abuse ).
Honestly I’m a wimp and probably would’ve changed username and never updated had it been me and I realised I’d been unreasonable .

you don’t wake a sleeping baby out of spite.

He isn't doing it out of spite. He's doing it because he is exhausted and can't sleep.

I think if he was a reasonable neighbour, he'd come round in the day to discuss the light calmly and in a civil way. It's concerning that he's coming round to your house at night and ringing the bell, that's red flag behaviour.

He has brought it to OP's attention three times in the middle the night - if that doesn't work, why would discussing it in a calm and civil way make any difference?

OP - what a lovely update.

Thank you - you sound like a genuinely decent neighbour.

The people suggesting the neighbour should install blackout blinds are BU. I have handmade velvet curtains, I’m not going to swap them for cheap blackout curtains because someone is causing a statutory nuisance. And blinds are fucking hideous. Why should I have to live in a house with blinds just because someone else can’t control their light properly? (and the light still seeps round the edges anyway)

I can see both sides of this. But if a light was bothering me, I would put a a cheap set of blackout blinds behind my curtains rather than wake a neighbour in the middle of the night.

Havaina my sympathies. I live in an unlit village and love it. An incomer wants streetlights and some of us are resisting. It’s getting harder to see the stars.

Sounds like bliss! I have heavy blackout curtains and can barely make out the stars in my London ‘burb.

Both the door bell ringing and the light pollution are annoying.
Best to resolve the light issue with a timer or alternative.
No amount of complaints to 111 is going to solve this one.

1. Disconnect your doorbell

1. Ask your husband to go round and fix the problem by having neighbour invite him in and witness clearly where the light falls in his room

1. Be a drama llama and call the police and complain about it all over the Internet

No he shouldn't ring the bell so late. End of.

Would he have shouted n went off on one at your husband.. probably not. I cannot believe the number of idiots that say you should be apologising and buying a man who thought it was acceptable to fling a tantrum late at night because a light came on for a minute and it annoyed him with his shitty curtains.

It’s been 5 fuckin years! Surely he could’ve got a black out blind/curtain in that space of time. It won’t just be your light that comes in, the sun is a known big bugger in the summer.

Unless you were dancing under the light at 2am with glow sticks he’d have been told to fuck off, it wasn’t intentionally set off. What happens if you need to put it back on over night.. say an a&e run so you can see.

Typically everyone would daintily tip toe down a dark drive with a baby using a specially bought dim head torch that they’d never forget.

He is ringing your doorbell on the nights you forget. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. He's trying to make a point so you take his issue seriously.

If you want to keep the existing light, could you offer to buy and fit some black out curtains of his choice for his bedroom? IKEA do them, they are very effective. It would be worth the investment to restore neighbourly relations. In the long run, it isn't nice to live next door to people who hate you.

We have flats behind us. Our garden, then their garden, then the flats. They have recently installed two lights at the back of the flats that are so bright if i go to the toilet in the night I dont need to turn the light on. They are absolutley ridiculous and a blade of grass moving seems to set them off.

We sleep at the front but if we were at the back I would absolutely complain about them.

You are so unreasonable I cannot even believe you can be so entitled.

YABVVVVU.

@applesauce1 sorry, I completely bypassed your update!

We can all be irrational in the middle of the night with an awake baby:)

Good on you for deciding to apologise and get a timer op. Will you update the police that it's been sorted out amicably

@ChardonnaysDistantCousin

ChardonnaysDistantCousin

You are so unreasonable I cannot even believe you can be so entitled.

And you are so dim I cannot even believe you have be so dim. RTFT!!!

Just sort the problem out with the neighbour, OP, for God’s sake, send your husband round to source the light pollution in situ and adjust the lamp glare accordingly.

Falling out with a neighbour is the worst kind of stress you can inflict on yourself.

Otherwise if you don’t sort it out, hold your hands up and admit you’re the ‘neighbour from hell’, because you’re calling the police and crying on the Internet about it.

Do it tonight!

Or don’t - and enjoy your drama.

Life is short and you’re nagging it away too quickly.

Surely he could’ve got a black out blind/curtain
Firstly why should he have to? Secondly they don’t block out all the light, it comes round the edges.

It won’t just be your light that comes in, the sun is a known big bugger in the summer
At night? 🙄

he’d have been told to fuck off, it wasn’t intentionally set off
Well aren’t you lovely. You cause a nuisance then when someone asks you to stop you tell them to fuck off. It isn’t ok to cause a nuisance even if it’s unintentional.

Oh please, ringing 101 because a harassed neighbour woke up her precious baby is high up in all things ridiculous.

Are you the thread police, Havaina?

I have handmade velvet curtains

Most bizarre stealth boast ever

Secondly they don’t block out all the light, it comes round the edges

Mine have an extra “lip” at the edge. No light comes through at all!

Far more sensible than gnashing my teeth over security lights.

Oh, I did RTFT, you seem very invested in it.

Why is that?

@ChardonnaysDistantCousin maybe because twats keep telling OP she is being unreasonable when she HAS ALREADY SAID SHE IS.

WHAT VALUE ARE YOU ADDING??

I have a security light, it’s wired directly into the mains. No switch

Good luck changing that bulb. And getting it surveyed.