Neighbour ringing our doorbell in the middle of the night

[applesauce1]

Our neighbour has just rung our doorbell at 11:15 at night. It is the third time he has done this.

Back story: We have a motion activated flood light outside our house and a steep drive. He has previously complained that when it comes on, it shines into his bedroom window (despite it being pointed as far down as it goes and definitely not in the direction of his windows). In the summer, the light is always turned off as a neighbourly courtesy. Now it is darker earlier, I’ve turned it back on so I can get our baby safely down our steep drive in the dark when I get home from work. I turn the light off at the fuse box when I get in.
On three occasions (twice last winter and now tonight), I’ve forgotten to turn it off and he has come round to ring our bell. Once he rang the doorbell at 2am. Each time he has done it, he has woken our baby.

Tonight I actually went to the door and was extremely upset with him. I told him that I am trying my very best to remember to turn the light off at night but that he absolutely should not ring our doorbell at night as we have a baby trying to sleep. He started to shout at me about it shining through his window and that he would speak to his solicitor. I said I would call the police and that he should get some proper blinds or curtains.

He does have curtains but they are very raggedy and coming down in places.

I called 111 who offered to come out now as he is being a nuisance neighbour, but I asked if they would be able to come tomorrow instead as it would just further disturb my son.

Am I in the wrong? Should I have just apologised for forgetting to turn our light off? I’m still breastfeeding and up twice a night at least with our baby, so I know how it feels to be sleep deprived and I don’t want to be the cause of that for someone else.

Honestly YABVU.

You NEED to remember to turn it off. Your the unreasonable neighbour & the fact that you called 111 when you essentially are the cause of the problem is laughable.

You not turning the light off is stopping him from sleeping which isn’t okay. If he needs to wake up at night , come to your house and ask you turn to turn it off thereby waking ur baby that’s ur problem. Turn it off and it won’t happen.

Don’t get how you can’t see that, I’m afraid.

He is being an arse.
Even if your light woke him up briefly, him getting dressed to come out in the cold evening to ring your bell would guarantee he stayed awake!

You are 100% the nuisance neighbour here. Disconnect the light if you can't remember to switch it off, for goodness sake I can't believe the gall of some people.

If it were my neighbour and I really wanted the light for my own safety I'd offer to buy and fit him a blackout blind

You expect HIM to solve a problem that you're causing? Telling him to buy new blinds or curtains is extreme CFery on your part.

Of course you are the unreasonable one.

Seriously you have to ask?

Oh come on! You don't ring on a doorbell at 2am unless you are in serious danger or someone has died.

But what if you need to go out or come home late at night? You might need the light on then for safety so you would either have to cope in the dark or upset the neighbour again.

I think you should ask your neighbour if he will let you in to see how bad the problem is so you can work out a solution. I think he was unreasonable to wake you up knowing you have a baby - personally I would have put up with it for one night and complained the next day, but obviously if you're costing him sleep you're being unreazonable too.

Maybe treat your neighbour to some new blackout curtains for Christmas? 😉

That the only times he's knocked late have been when you have left the light on tells you it's a problem. Most "security" lights are excessively bright and poorly adjusted, and are more likely to help burglars not deter them.

Why would your neighbour bother you if the light was not shining in his window? What possible motivation would he have for making it up? Obviously the light is genuinely bothering him. It’s not unreasonable to ask you to turn it off. You need to get a timer and stop blaming him for his perfectly reasonable annoyance at your light keeping him awake. Count yourself lucky he knocked - if your light was keeping me awake I’d just smash the bulb.

My neighbour has one on his shed pointing up the bloody garden at our windows - and to top it off, he’s always in and out of the shed, most of the night and any time of year. It doesn’t shine through our curtains, but it’s horrid when I’m shutting them and can’t avoid being lit up by the blasted thing!

Can I suggest that you get solar lights leading from your pavement/car to your front door (in pots if you have no garden) and then keep a porch light on and switch off before bed when you lock up.

You called it a floodlight - it sounds like it's really bright and is obviously bothering him otherwise he wouldn't be coming round, would he?

I agree about getting a timer. Or you could get one with an app so you can control it from your phone.

I can definitely see his side of this and I think YWBU to leave the light on at night when you already knew it disturbs your neighbours.

Given the circumstances, I would have apologised profusely when he came round rather than having a go at him and calling the police!

Keep your light and offer to pay to install a blackout blind.

11.30 is not the middle of the night and if I was woken up by your light going on I would be ringing your doorbell too.

But out of more 5 years of living here, I’ve forgotten to turn the light off three times. I just feel like he’s unreasonable for ringing the bell so late at night.

You’re being a hypocrite here OP, why is it reasonable for you to forget to turn the light off 3 times in 5 years & disturb him but unreasonable for him to ring your doorbell & disturb you also 3 times in 5 years? Either you are both unreasonable or both reasonable, you can’t have it both ways.

Also he’s only ringing your doorbell because of your own actions, you can’t be upset at someone’s justified reaction when it’s caused by your own inconsiderate behaviour.

Yeah I don't buy that you called the police OP. For one thing, you'd have dialled the correct number

I can't believe you have involved the police over a disagreement concerning your light

If he's only been three times and on each occasion it's been because you've left the light on and prevented him from sleeping it kind of sounds like YABU. If he was just trying to cause you trouble and disturb your sleep for fun then he'd be knocking a lot more than just three times. If you're being pissed if with him waking you up then it shows how he might feel with you waking him up.

I wouldn't rush to get a handyman just yet, if your husband can't/won't/doesn't want to have a look and do it himself, I'd have a look online, you might find a YouTube tutorial or something to show you how to do it yourself. If he has no other way of contacting you and your light is keeping him awake I can kind see why he's come to alert you to turn it off rather than being awake all night and catching you in the morning.

I don't think you're a twat or an awful neighbour, I don't think he is either, I think some people don't realise how bright their light can be to others.

Does he also go to the sun and complain and tell it not to shine in summer because he's trying to sleep?
I don't think it's your responsibility, he should have proper curtains if he's that sensitive to light, or sleep with an eye mask (and I say that as someone who finds it EXTREMELY hard to fall asleep and I sleep with an eye mask and earplugs). If he has sleep issues, it's his responsibility to sort himself out not depend on you to do it.
Jesus Christ it's so not your problem. And yeah, people actually do go round people's houses at 2am to bother them for no reason. Especially old lonely people who are attention seeking because they haven't talked to other people in a while. An old man knocked on our door asking for directions at 3am a few weeks ago.

The light going on wld put off intruders so I wld be keeping it on at night

You'd deliberately stop your neighbour sleeping to cater for the tiny possibility that an intruder would come up to your front door in full view of the street?

But what if you need to go out or come home late at night? You might need the light on then for safety so you would either have to cope in the dark or upset the neighbour again.

Or you could put a free torch app on your phone and use that.

Jesus Christ it's so not your problem

It clearly is if her lack of consideration is causing her neighbour to be woken and to be sufficiently annoyed to come round and complain late at night.

Of course YABU. So you keep him awake but he’s not allowed to wake you up? This is a problem entirely of your own making. How can you not see that? And why do you want to make such an enemy of your neighbour? Surely it’s better to rub along nicely together?

Can you put a softer light up?

A floodlight is quite likely to be overkill for a lot of situations.