Escorting to make ends meet

[secretlife81]

Just that really. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. But what else can I do?!

[Bigredumbrella]

Do you have a sex worker resource center where you are?. If so go along & see them they can give you lots of practical advise for leaving the 'game'. You can talk to them without any judgement, they often have really good employment contacts for women leaving the industry. Its hard to see a way out when the money is so good, but you can do it( I did & I now work for an organization that helps others just like you).. Good luck

[Bluerussian]

Op I am really concerned that something bad may happen to you and your children will be left without you. Please, please listen to everything we're saying and do your very best to be safe. I make no judgement about what you are doing but there are ways of minimising risk, two people have posted links to helpful websites.

This won't last forever, you will eventually climb out of the abyss. A lot of us on here know what it's like to have mental health problems, how exhausting and demoralising they are but it's possible for them to be brought under control. Then you'll see light at the end of the tunnel.

[MoodLighting]

Could you at least switch to online camera work? I think pps are right that you need help to get your MH issues diagnosed and treated, but moving to online camera work would keep you safer in the meantime.

[kateandme]

oh im so sorry your going through this.to be at the point where you feel this is your only option must feel really desperate.
your not alone ok.so many people feeling depressed right now.i know that doesnt take away your own sadness but when you feel like your the most alone person on the planet just remind yourelf that your not.
have you tried making a list of options that might just might be better or managble.
if your not working in to bring enough money could there be other lower paid jobs that you could manage that would then bring i nthe same or even more if you felt able to work more.because doing this with such dread wont help you feel you can cope.
is there any work from home jobs?
what about cleaning.or even house or pet sitting jobs.thre are sites out there where you can sign up from home.
ironing work.dog walking.
even supermarket part time shifts.driving a van.cafe work.
do you know of any places near you you feel safe.any cafes or little shops.anyone you feel safe then asking if they can help you start small and work up.you never know with these things.if you know the right people.
long shot but have you anyhing you can sell or cut down on so that it can give you a bit of time to try just wokring on you.
any family to reach out to.no shame.just love is what you need right now from people who can help you feel safe again.

[ThighThighOfthigh]

I have a friend who has terrible MH problems atm. The jobcentre have been really good and she has home visits. She is on a higher rate of UC in the support group plus she gets PIP. All, in essence, for depression, anxiety and trauma. They're really decent to her and she gets a fairly good amount of money.

[Coyoacan]

Could you use whatever expertise you gained in office work by working from home on a freelance basis?

[ReanimatedSGB]

All those people suggesting OP do freelance office work from home. FFS. That's another line of work which has been wrecked by 'disruption apps'. All the sites where you can pick up that sort of thing are now a race to the bottom and you will be expected to work for the equivalent of about £1 and hour, which you may not get paid anyway.

[WorraLiberty]

I haven't told the therapist I'm too worried they'll inform children's services and they'll think I'm putting my kids on danger

And are you?

Who looks after your kids while you're with these men?

If they're at school or with a babysitter, you can prove that to SS.

[secretlife81]

I've read through all these posts. They've given me courage so thank you very much.

I'm going to spend today looking at those links and make some calls to get help.

It's just so hard when I can't put food on the table and I know I can easily see a client for an hour and suddenly I have a full fridge, fresh fruit and veg for my kids...

I do "outcalls". The kids go to their dad's parents and I "work" then. I only see 2/3 clients maximum in a week, sometimes none. But it's enough to cause me some awful feelings.

UC isn't enough... I can't even pay my essential bills with it. But I need to sort out a cheaper place to live because £1100 a month on rent is crippling. So that's on my list too.

I'm really pleased I posted x

[dontalltalkatonce]

All those people suggesting OP do freelance office work from home. FFS. That's another line of work which has been wrecked by 'disruption apps'. All the sites where you can pick up that sort of thing are now a race to the bottom and you will be expected to work for the equivalent of about £1 and hour, which you may not get paid anyway.


This! The ol' 'ironing, dog walking, cleaning'. Those are no longer viable for most people.

Have a look at SWARM and Beyond the Streets links, they're really good.

[secretlife81]

My career was management within a very niche industry so it's a bit of a tough one to do freelance. I could make good money as a consultant but it would mean going in to offices and selling myself (oops no pun intended!) and I don't feel strong enough. Maybe something to work towards

[NameChangedNoImagination]

All those people suggesting OP do freelance office work from home. FFS. That's another line of work which has been wrecked by 'disruption apps'. All the sites where you can pick up that sort of thing are now a race to the bottom and you will be expected to work for the equivalent of about £1 and hour, which you may not get paid anyway.

You are absolutely and categorically 100% incorrect. There are numerous low paid jobs on Upwork and similar sites but also much higher paid ones. I know multiple people (including myself) making £50k plus a year from freelancing.

[Cocobean30]

Op are you in private rent or social housing? If social ask them for help from their tenancy support team and welfare benefit team. If private you need to get on the social waiting lists and go to the CAB to see if they can help.

Have you been to the doctors to get PIP etc?

[Cocobean30]

Not PIP sorry but PTSD at least

[secretlife81]

Pip is taking forever but I have applied. I'm in private rented so getting on the council list is something else I'll sort today

[secretlife81]

I'm under psychiatric care for PTSD... I'm sure I have trauma from the escorting too but I'm too scared and ashamed to say

[SpamChaudFroid]

Hi OP, I'm sorry you're in this position. I would echo what other posters have said about SAAFE. There's a lot of info on there and a forum to ask questions about client screening and safety procedures. Also info and support on how to leave.

I really feel for you - PTSD and being traumatised all over again by men who enjoy exploiting women and stamping all over their boundaries when they're at their most vulnerable. What I mean to say, albeit clumsily, is that this won't be helping your mental health.

Have you asked your psychotherapist if what you discuss in your sessions is confidential? (It should be, unless you're under a court order) Even if SS were informed, you're not seeing clients at home so children not endangered. The (lovely) women of SAAFE will be able to advise you more about this, many of them are single mothers too.

[Bluerussian]

just for you, secretlife. You're doing the best you can at the moment, we all know it's not ideal but it won't last forever.

I wish you every sort of good luck for the future.

[secretlife81]

Thank you x.

[secretlife81]

Interesting about them stamping all over your boundaries. That's been the biggest eye opener. When you say something you don't want to do is a hard limit... it's like red rag to a bull

[GreenLeafTurnip]

OP I know you have children but have you considered something as simple as being a kitchen porter?

I've worked in restaurants and you really don't need to have a smile on your face or pretend to be happy when you're washing dishes.

You mention children so I'm not sure it's so easy as it's mostly evening work. But it has to be better than putting yourself in front of the bull as you say.

I'm not sure about benefits but if I remember correctly you can do up to 16 hours a week and still claim?

I'm sure other posters have been more helpful. I hope you get something sorted soon.

[GuessWhoColeen]

Interesting about them stamping all over your boundaries

I think this is because they want & will take control, whether you want to do something or not.

They want you to feel worthless and will ignore your request not to do something that you do not want to do.
So basically you are not giving consent to a certain thing and they are going to do it anyway.

Take the control back OP, how fucking dare they make you feel like your voice wont be heard.

Find a new place to live, so you have some money left over.

Tell your therapist what you are doing, because they will never be able to help otherwise.

Have you completed the freedom programme?

[kristallen]

Hey OP I have PTSD too and just wanted to say I completely understand the inability to be able to commit to being with people every day in a constant setting where there are demands put on you. Being with people who are understanding and kind would be beneficial, but that's not what work environments are for...

Have you had EMDR for the office attack? It doesn't always work, but does have a high rate of success for things like that. If it worked for you then it would make office work physically possible (as in being in an office wouldn't be retraumatising in itself).

I'm also wondering - and this is entirely outside what you've posted, so may have been done or may not be relevant because of time frames (I don't know what they are - but if you had an assault at work that has led to you being unable to work, is this something you should/could be compensated for?

[Texaspie]

You have children and working alone 'independently' as a prostitute. It's absolutely mad that you think offices can't be trusted. Literally shake yourself up. This is completely insane and dangerous. You could end up beaten up to a pulp by one of your punters.
Tell your therapist.

[secretlife81]

I just came back to this thread and wanted to give an update. I haven't met anyone since writing my original thread. I've signed on the UC, the housing list, and I've told my trauma therapist about everything.

I think this is a good example of Mumsnet working xxx