Escorting to make ends meet

[secretlife81]

Just that really. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. But what else can I do?!

I was wondering about that Worra.

It isn't clear from the posts, but the suggestion is the latter - otherwise I can't see what's so very dreadful about being someone's arm candy for the duration of a meal or a visit to the theatre etc.

If it is prostitution OP, I can't see how that will help your depression. It may be well-paid but it must be a soulless sort of existence. And you obviously hate it (whatever it is you are actually doing) - that isn't going to help your mental health either.

Sounds like it's worth it if you can't manage any other job.

OP have you spoken to your trauma counsellor about this? Because I think you need specialist help to move forward from this (and you're probably not going to get it on Mumsnet). The internal logic of what you are saying is compelling and I understand why you're saying it. But this is not the life for you, you know that and I know that (or you wouldn't be posting).

If you are in Scotland by any chance I think I can signpost you to some help

*Are you an escort or a prostitute?

The former often isn't quite as bad as the latter*

They’re the same thing.

Escorts don’t just get taken for lovely dinners, they’re also paid for sex. Prostitutes are taken for dinner too sometimes.

Please don’t do this. It will kill your soul.
Lots of people go through times of financial hardship.
Most don’t sell their bodies.

If you temped, you can specify reception jobs only: where you're either on your own or usually all females. Its not too demanding, just signing in taking coats & booking meeting rooms , so its a low stress option while you sort anti d's(which you sound in need of) & rethink your future. I'm sorry you're at such a low point. I've been that low that I considered it too, but I'm temping (lots of long term temp jobs) & studying now & way happier.

I always understood escorts spent longer with a client than half an hour to an hour, usually including having drinks and meal, chatting etc. Meeting first of all in a hotel lounge or lobby. Most escorts don't 'go out' every day, it's usually two or three times a week.

Sometimes they are taken to a function, they have to know a bit about the client beforehand so they look like a girlfriend.

Before anyone asks, no I am not an escort but have known a couple. They both worked for agencies who took a small fixed fee but looked after them quite well, providing taxis, knowing where the girls were going and having a bit of an idea about the clients. I think that is a lot safer than working independently, secretlife. Unless you have regulars, you really don't know what sort of person you'll be meeting, his sexual tastes for example.

I am really sad that you are doing this, I wish there was an easier, more pleasant way of you earning some money and fear you could be putting yourself in danger. There's no one keeping an eye on you or even knowing where you're going.

Do look on the saafe website which HirplesWithHaggis suggested.

NormaBean I would agree they're the same thing 99% of the time.

But I'm also a firm believer in being honest with oneself.

If the OP is a prostitute but can't bring herself to use that word, she needs to examine the reason why.

Using a different word for what she's doing, isn't going to help her come to terms with it.

@JudeLawswhore 'It’s awful people have to resort to this to make ends meet. '
-They don't, otherwise everyone who doesn't have much money would be doing it- we aren't.

Hi OP, once you've been on UC for health grounds for a bit, the rate goes up I think. You need to have a supportive GP and ideally a consultant. Get your PTSD or something formally diagnosed if you haven't already. You could also apply for PIP for your mental health problems. If any of this doesn't work- appeal. Keep plugging away- appeals work.

And please see your GP or consultant and get more help for your mental health xxx

Escorts and prostitutes are essentially the same thing.

The former you pick up online, the latter you pick up online or on the streets. The former might go through drinks or a dinner before sex. The latter might also do that, but more typically paid directly for sex.

The differences are small. Both result in being in a unmonitored private location with a stranger for sex. It's dangerous, you're on your own, naked and vulnerable with anyone.

Removing any moral opinion, as this is subjective from person to person, I would look at the danger aspect. Which is huge. I would not do this as a mother.

Escort is just another word for prostitute and I would have thought having sex with strange men would be much worse for your mental health than finding a non demanding office job.

Oh OP, I feel for you. It’ll be ruinous for your MH at a time when you need to be looking after it more than ever by the sound of it, ESPECIALLY when there are kids in the picture. £200 a month after UC is better than this, surely? Would a retail job or something similar be a possibility?

Op, it may be difficult to make ends meet... where you are, especially if you are trying to keep a resemblance to your previous standard of living.

16 hours worked on minimum salary should give you enough tax credits to survive if you downsize or start cutting expenses. You are unwell and that job can only make you feel worse.

I understand you may feel very pressed for money at this time, but you do not need to leave it overnight if this is impossible just start cutting off on it as other income becomes more stable.

There's no difference between a prostitute and an escort.

There is a difference between a high class prostitute and one who works the streets. They're both selling the same commodity but one receives more money for sex than the other.

The OP says she works independently and mentions hour and half hour appointments which suggests she has a website and her current form of employment doesn't involve being taken to dinner by her clients or spending overnights with them.

What do you think it would take for you to give up the working life, OP? Statistically speaking, you're far more at risk of being beaten up as a prostitute than as an office worker and, the money aside, it's hard to understand why you've chosen to put yourself at risk of serious injury or worse.

Is it the relatively easy money that's keeping you in the life

Thank you. I think I needed to hear some of that honesty.

I just don't know what else to do when I can only manage an hour or so a day pretending to not be desperately sad and struggling

For those who are asking, I am essentially a prostitute. Meeting men for a half hour or hour booking to have sex. I have had a handful of men take me for dinner beforehand.

Have you been able to save any of the money you've earned from selling sex, OP?

I think those who mention how much risk I'm putting myself in and talk about how I don't think I'm worth anything have probably hit the nail on the head

I think some of the replies here suggest some folk are a little hard of thinking.

It's not as simple as just walking back into work, especially if somebody has complex mental health issues to deal with.

It doesn't sound like this is a positive decision for you OP. Can you open up to your therapist about this? You need to realise that there are alternatives. You might not be ready to go back into the work place at the moment but there might be other things you can do. Working from home? You are articulate and clearly intelligent - you don't have to do this. But don't for one minute beat yourself up over doing it. Reach out for help - things will get better x

I haven't been able to save it because I can't bear to do it often enough to

Thank you the original lem. I'm just so bloody lost x

I feel for you I really do. There but for the grace of God.

Please talk to someone about this, you don't need to punish yourself like this.

You are worth more

No-one is condemning you for selling sex, OP, but there is genuine concern for your physical safety and for your mental health if you continue to work in one of the oldest and riskiest professions in the world as we know it.

Have you been able to build up a regular clientele that can financially sustain you, or are you reliant on strangers to meet your financial needs?

Are you in contact with any other sex workers? Getting in touch with a group like SWARM might be a way of finding support from people who won't either judge or patronize you.
You should be able to get advice on a) keeping yourself safe while doing sex work and b) concealing the fact that you have previously done sex work when you want to get a different job.