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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To respond "**** off"

101 replies

Worriedmum1511 · 20/11/2019 16:41

Massive back story. Ex was an abusive asshole. He has a conviction for assault by beating and threats to kill towards me. Then in family court admitted 45 further incidents. He got given zero direct or indirect contact, prohibited steps order etc.

At the time his mother made my life miserable. Kept reporting me to social services. Had the police hammering on my door one morning having reported me for abuse.

She could see I was struggling as at the time I had a 10 week old and a SEN just turned 2 year old and instead of ever offering help she made life miserable.

Fast forward 2yr10m and I get a letter pleading for contact with the kids and to put "the rubbish behind us".

Part of me wants the kids to know their family, part of me doesn't trust her an inch and part of me despises her. I could put the despising behind me but is there really any good that can come from this?

OP posts:
QueenWhatevs · 20/11/2019 16:43

No. None. But don't tell her to fuck off, just burn the letter and pretend it never happened.

ringletsandtwiglets · 20/11/2019 16:43

Has she apologised for her behaviour towards you?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/11/2019 16:44

Hell no would I let someone who had made up abuse lies about me go near my child.
I wouldn’t even respond F off; will only be used against you- ignore completely. That will get to her more than a swearing response.

blindmansbluff · 20/11/2019 16:44

Fuck off is indeed the answer I would give. I say that but in reality I would just ignore the letter. She had a chance and she ruined it. She's not worth the headspace.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 20/11/2019 16:44

Nope, she would be getting silence from me. How could you trust anyone with that amount of fuckedupness with your children?

She should've thought about her relationship with her grandchildren before causing all the hurt with her lies and venom.

BloggersBlog · 20/11/2019 16:44

No good will come of it. Nasty people, keep protecting your children

XJerseyGirlX · 20/11/2019 16:45

Tell her to fuck off OP, she wouldnt have changed and will just turn on you again

Raphael34 · 20/11/2019 16:45

I have a feeling you’ll regret letting her back in your lives

Aquamarine1029 · 20/11/2019 16:46

His family would never lay eyes on my children ever again. Don't respond in any way, just ignore. Be sure that you have them blocked on your phone, email, sm, etc.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/11/2019 16:47

It would be a clear no from me. Who needs to know an abusive family. She had an excellent chance to be supportive and instead, she made your life far worse.

user1471449295 · 20/11/2019 16:51

It would be a fuck off from me. Your ex sounds disgusting, and judging by her past behaviour I’d put bets on the whole family being dysfunctional, toxic and abusive. Stand firm

doublebarrellednurse · 20/11/2019 16:52

"Put it behind you" feels a lot like you get over it and I won't apologise.

Fuck her and the broom she rode in on

MitziK · 20/11/2019 16:52

It sounds like he's persuaded her to get in contact as he can't.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Theflying19 · 20/11/2019 16:54

Isn't there a risk that your ex will get some involvement via her? I would ignore. X

pallisers · 20/11/2019 16:55

ignore her. Don't even reply. If you let her back in your life, you will regret it. I guarantee you if you start contact and then cancel a meeting or don't meet her exactly when she wants, you will be reported to SS again. Or you will find her pressurising you to have the kids alone (and they will then see your ex). People like that don't change - or if they do, they give a heartfelt apology - not just pretend that it was "the rubbish"

luckygreeneyes · 20/11/2019 16:56

Just bin it and try to forget you ever received it

coffeeandpyjamas · 20/11/2019 17:01

Take the higher ground and don’t even respond to her. I hope you are over what must have been an awful period of your life and that your kids are thriving Flowers

SureTry · 20/11/2019 17:01

Nope! I wouldn't even acknowledge the letter. What a bloody cheek! She could have caused you to lose your children. She can get to fuck!

PeriComoToes · 20/11/2019 17:02

I smell a rat. Ignore!

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 20/11/2019 17:04

Shred it and if anyone asks claim ignorance.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 20/11/2019 17:06

Part of me wants the kids to know their family,

Why the hell would you want to inflict that shower of shite on your poor innocent children. They’ll start off playing nice and in time they’ll start manipulating your children into thinking you’re the unreasonable, over reactive mother that is keeping them away from their daddy and he’s a really nice daddy who misses them so much. They’ll start asking the children if they want to speak to him, or he’ll ‘accidentally’ call in while they’re there and they’ll be asked to keep it secret because mummy will get poor daddy in trouble and so on and so on.

I’ve seen too much shite behaviour from people in my time on this earth.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 20/11/2019 17:10

Absolutely ignore. You already know she makes false abuse allegations and has prioritised her abusive son over her grandchildren's welfare.

If you welcome her into your life, she will be looking for whatever she can to report to social services as evidence of neglect or abuse.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/11/2019 17:11

Unless she's given an incredibly sincere apology and cut all ties with her son I wouldn't even consider giving her the time of day

WeirdCatLady · 20/11/2019 17:13

God no. Rip the letter up and ignore the hateful witch for the rest of your life (which will be a lot happier without that toxic family).

IntrovertedUnicorn · 20/11/2019 17:13

No, you're not being unreasonable. In fact, I would go so far as to take the letter to the police, or, at the very least, a solicitor. Given her prior behaviour, and the fact her son has a no contact order, it could constitute as harassment, particularly if she continues to try to contact you. I would recommend looking into a restraining order.