DH goes to his Xmas party, I'm not allowed

[1Supersonic]

Hi I would like some advice.

I work part-time and DH works full time. He stops me attending any functions outside of work where he can. Last year there was a works team meal and he put obstacles in my way so I couldn't attend. I have never had the chance to attend the work Christmas party. He always invents a reason that I cannot go. I know if I did get around it he would make my life a misery.

Now he is going to a works Christmas meal and I feel annoyed. How come he is allowed out and I am not.

[haverhill]

This is an unhealthy, abusive relationship. Get out while you can.

[ymf117]

What happens if you said no OP? Does that bare any weight or just does what he likes?

It sounds like your life is made a misery if you go or don't go.

Why are you staying?

[millimollimandi]

You really need to post this here to get your answer? Really??

[Starlight456]

Now your Ds is 12 can you find a job in the day. Childcare can be found before and after school
You need to remove the ways he can control you . This us probably the top of he iceberg . Do look look at the freedom program . I suspect you will find much more

[pictish]

millimollimandy how unkind.

[HeyNotInMyName]

So he is also financially controlling then if he ça;find money when he wants but there is never any money for anything else (I suspect that means no money to spend on yourself too?).

[emmylousings]

Please speak to an organisation like Womens Aid OP, it really isn't right and you can't spend the rest of your life like that. Speak to any friends or family you can trust because the more isolated you become the vulnerable you become -and it gets harder to break out. You can though.

[plightofthealbatross]

FFS, plan your exit from the marriage. Life is too short to be controlled and financially abused in this manner.

You'll be doing your child a favour; you don't want him to turn out the same way!

[Mummadeeze]

I sympathise. My partner will never look after our DD in the evening so I can go out but goes out whenever he pleases. Luckily I have had a few promotions in the past few years and can now just book a sitter and go. It makes him really annoyed that he can’t control me with childcare anymore and he sulks for ages and I just ignore that too now. In all honesty, all his controlling and unpleasant behaviour has put me off him to the point where I will leave at some point soon and not look back. I am still dependant on him for school drop offs but soon our DD (11) will be more independent and it will make the logistics of separation a bit easier. Your child is getting older too so hopefully there is some light at the end of your tunnel as well. And I bet the nights out problem isn’t the only problem in your relationship as it is probably just one of the things he does to make your life difficult if he is anything like my partner. Best of luck with everything.

[PrivacyOne]

OP, please ask MNHQ to have this moved to relationships.

[VenusTiger]

Well, what a charmer. Leave, or get him out. This is coercive control, you also hint at financial abuse. Report him to the Police. These are criminal offences. Tell him that he’s a shitbag , if it’s safe to do so.
Seeing it is the first step. Refusing it is next. And tell everyone, tell your family tell your friends, tell your child’s school. The shame is his, you don’t have to pretend he’s a great guy anymore. He doesn’t deserve you.

Please do all of this OP ^
I’ve read your post as though it was written by a naughty child. You are a grown adult and you are a mother, you do not deserve this shit treatment. Please don’t allow your son to see this as normal behaviour and treatment of women. If you won’t do something for yourself, do it for your son.

[VenusTiger]

That was supposed to be bold - taken from @3dogs2cats

[Wavingwhiledrowning]

OP - I think you know the answer to your original question, and probably have done for a while (deep down if nothing else). Know that we are all here for virtual support, but really you need actual, real life support if you want this to change. Talk to someone, and get some advice. Living by someone else's selfish, controlling rules is not a life. Everyone deserves better than that. Good luck x

[Elieza]

Start planning how you see your life in two years time and work towards that goal. You don’t have to let him control you. You should be able to do as you wish. If it were me I’d have a sitter lined up just in case he throws this stunt again, preferably my mum taking dc overnight at hers - and I’d be going back to hers to stay after the nite out.

You don’t need a controlling arse like him in your life. Start thinking what YOU want. Good luck OP.

[Chillyegg]

Gordon Bennet bloody leave what a tosser. Why can he go out and you can’t?
Why isn’t there any money when you want something?
What a draining knobhead ! Bloody leave life’s not just for work you can enjoy life with a partner you know!

[KatharinaRosalie]

So would he actually leave your DC alone, to punish you for going out? Tells you everything you need to know.

[LannieDuck]

Do you have any access to your family finances?

[Bluerussian]

This is awful behaviour on your husband's part, I don't understand it at all. What on earth does he think you will do at a Christmas meal?

You really must take action, he's so cruel.

[alittlequinnie]

OP please listen to people on here.

I had a marriage like this - I was really young when I got married and didn't really understand that the way I was living was not the way everyone lived.

One night I wanted to go out and I picked up my bag to go and my husband said "if you walk out the door I'm taking DD out of bed, opening the front door, putting her out on the street and shutting the door".

I accepted my defeat and didn't go out.

I was only 19 at the time and had no support and there was no internet in those days...

... can you imagine what a forum would have said if I had posted that?!

Listen to what the forum is saying to you here - it won't get better.

[sylviemc]

this is classic narcissistic personality disorder undermining and controlling behaviour and you really do need to think about what you are doing in this relationship- this is a symptom of what will develop and potentially become far worse into the future. I had an ex who behaved like this and i realised he was heavily flirting with female colleagues and telling them we were in crisis and I was some kind of jealous bitch - i am such a not jealous type - gave him ultimatum, he refused expecting me to back down but i didnt and the relationship ended HOORAY and now i am very happily married to a total soul mate for last 22 years - honestly get out now while you are still sane - you will be insane to stay - i promise - he will make sure of that

[Passthevioletgin]

Yes my ex used to do that to me too. Slightest hint that I wanted to go out, then -what-a-surprise- he'd have a meeting or be away or would say that it should be okay and then back out at the last minute to guarantee I couldn't find a babsitter. When I started booking a babysitter anyway he'd then turn up at 6pm. Awful twat.

[lyingwanker]

Been there too OP and it's definitely not as easy as "just go out anyway".

[DeeCeeCherry]

Sometimes you get the treatment you allow into your life.

Although that doesn't change the fact your H is sexist and controlling tho. You sit indoors for his sake I guarantee in time to come he'll go off & you'll have wasted years of your life on him when you could have either been happy alone and in peace, or met someone who actually loves and respects you.

Tbh he just sounds like a pain in the arse

[NoProblem123]

LTB. Ughhh horrible pig.

[MrsAgassi]

Whilst he's at his Christmas party take the opportunity to get away from him.

Do you have somewhere you could go?