DH goes to his Xmas party, I'm not allowed

[1Supersonic]

Hi I would like some advice.

I work part-time and DH works full time. He stops me attending any functions outside of work where he can. Last year there was a works team meal and he put obstacles in my way so I couldn't attend. I have never had the chance to attend the work Christmas party. He always invents a reason that I cannot go. I know if I did get around it he would make my life a misery.

Now he is going to a works Christmas meal and I feel annoyed. How come he is allowed out and I am not.

When you say "we seem to have no money": do you have access to your bank accounts, can you see what's in the account?

Can I clarify? Does he stop you going to your team Christmas party, or does he not invite you to his team Christmas party?
Former he’s a controlling twat
Latter absolutely normal

My ex would just not turn up from work if I was going out, so I couldn't go out.

OP, he's an abusive arsehole.

I assume you don't have joint finances. You need to get out of this, not good for you and terrible example for your DS

He’s an abusive twat.

Please go out this year.

Well, what a charmer. Leave, or get him out. This is coercive control, you also hint at financial abuse. Report him to the Police. These are criminal offences. Tell him that he’s a shitbag , if it’s safe to do so.
Seeing it is the first step. Refusing it is next. And tell everyone, tell your family tell your friends, tell your child’s school. The shame is his, you don’t have to pretend he’s a great guy anymore. He doesn’t deserve you.

Start working full time and get the hell out of this nightmare marriage. This is not how you have to live.

Well I was going to suggest that your DS go to a friends for a sleepover that night and you won’t need DH to be home - but really that’s not solving the actual problem is it?

Your posts are really sad OP. I hope you can find the strength to leave this abusive man.

Could you organise a sleepover for your Ds at a relatives or a schoolfriend for the night of your party. Don't say anything until the day and then just go to the party. I agree with others - think about leaving him as he is a controlling asshole and nobody deserves that for a life partner.

do you have joint accessible accounts - where do you and his wages go?

Well I would disappear off the night of his xmas do, but that's not really the solution is it?

This is coercive control, OP. It’s illegal. Please read this (on private browsing in case he goes through your history):
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

He doesn’t love you. You need to leave. I’m sorry.

My ex tried this shit. So I got in a baby sitter and went anyway. He stayed in the with the sitter. Total tosser.

Please contact Women's Aid, tell your family and friends that your H is abusive and you need their support to end your marriage (unless your family are misogynists who will tell you that you need to know your place and obey your male owner, or otherwise take his side.)

He always invents a reason that I cannot go. that is quite serious. Phone women’s aid.

"Honestly if he was being fair he would not go to his own Christmas do if he blocks you going to yours ."

I don't think that's OK either. Very unhealthy.

I had a friend who’s husband did this. Every time we had a night out planned he would engineer a scenario so she couldn’t go.
He’s controlling you, it won’t get any better sadly.

OP, we all know it’s not as easy as “Stop letting him control you”

I hope you can find support to challenge your husband, or better still, leave him. But it may take time and planning.

You e put this in AIBU. Of course YANBU.

But you may get the help and advice you need if you get this thread moved to Relationships. There are some wise women there who can direct you to online and telephone resources and support.

Good luck

PS your husband is abusive. It’s called coercive control and such behaviour is against the law.

You and your son need to leave the abusive controlling pig. It is not healthy for a child to grow up in this situation, leave before anymore damage is done.

He's abusive
Can you call women's aid for some advice?

Why doesn’t he want you to go OP? Is it a trust/jealousy issue? Whatever the reason is, it’s him not you, you should go and enjoy yourself, life is way too short.