DH goes to his Xmas party, I'm not allowed

[1Supersonic]

Hi I would like some advice.

I work part-time and DH works full time. He stops me attending any functions outside of work where he can. Last year there was a works team meal and he put obstacles in my way so I couldn't attend. I have never had the chance to attend the work Christmas party. He always invents a reason that I cannot go. I know if I did get around it he would make my life a misery.

Now he is going to a works Christmas meal and I feel annoyed. How come he is allowed out and I am not.

[Rainbowqueeen]

He is abusive. I’d speak to women’s aid to get a clearer understanding of why he does this and to get an idea of your options

[Majorcollywobble]

@Nat6999
I think OP is invited to her own Christmas party and he blocks her going . She’s not talking about attending his Christmas party .

[Dramaofallama]

He is controlling you.

[Starlight456]

As said it is controlling behaviour . Tit for ty isn’t the answer .

You already know it’s not ok because you modify your behaviour to avoid his response .
Is it just work functions or any sociskising

[AtSea1979]

Also wonder what misery looks like

[Blingismything]

Tell him you're off to party and never go back.

[Mothership4two]

What reasons does he give for you not to go OP? Finding it hard to get my head around this.

[EmmiJay]

I don't understand why you just don't go...? Or are there 'consequences'?

[Josette77]

I'm also confused as to what he does to prevent you from going?

[ThatssomebadhatHarry]

Allowed? You are an adult. Of course you are.
If you are with someone who is making decision for you about what you can and can’t do, how you dress etc then you need to not be with them.

[KatherineJaneway]

What sort of obstacles does he use to stop you going out?

[Parker231]

You don’t need permission - just go and have a good time.

[Tobebythesea]

Have you got children? Is he using lack of childcare again you?

[Tobebythesea]

Against

[pictish]

She says if she went anyway he’d make her life a misery. So yes, there are consequences.

OP you already know this isn’t right. What’s the relationship like otherwise?

[Oly4]

Tell him to F off and go

[HuggedTrees]

Sounds like he’s abusive and maybe this will be the catalyst for you realising it and leaving

[pictish]

Easier said than done. When you’re living it, it’s not that simple.

[Fairenuff]

The only person who is stopping you is yourself.

If he's really that bad to live with then you have to leave him. Especially if you have children who need to be protected from emotional abuse too.

[pictish]

Way to victim blame and heap on the pressure.

[EdersonsSmileyTattoo]

You don’t ask him if you can go to your works do OP, you TELL him you are going!!!

He’s a controlling arsehole! What other areas of your life does he try and control?

[Catsandchardonnay]

The only person whose allowing this to happen is you, your allowing him to control you. Please please ignore this, it is victim-blaming bollocks. @HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend you clearly have no idea of what emotional abuse and controlling behaviour are.

Get out quick OP, before this type of abuse turns into a different type.

[1Supersonic]

Thank you for responding to me.

Sometimes you can't see what is going on until someone points it out to you.

A bit of background info we have been married for 12 years and have 1 DS aged 10.

He controls me by threatening not to look after DS while I work. I work evenings so childcare is limited and I could not leave DS on his own. Other wise we seem to have no money, however, it's there when he needs it.

Once again thanks for your support xxx