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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family and ‘we’re only buying for the children now’

334 replies

NemophilistRebel · 18/11/2019 17:57

Am I the only one who thinks you skinflint?

Family member who has 3 children which we have always bought for along with the parents decides as soon as we have first baby that now we have children (1) we can buy for children only at Christmas and birthdays.

So that’s years worth of buying for their 3 and them not having an issue, and now they just buy for one.

Is this typical with CF family members ?

OP posts:
Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 18/11/2019 21:18

Yes we struggle too with the huge amount of gifts that come and have asked for people to generally cut back on our child.
People seem focused on spending an amount and if one present doesn’t meet that they buy another as a top up.
That’s just silly to me, my child doesn’t know the value of gifts and would be happy with a £5 puzzle or a book.

OP posts:
ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 18/11/2019 21:20

We buy for adults and children. But we up our budget for example we have 2 DCs and 1 DN so she gets double budget the same as my godson as my cousin has bought for my two for years prior to having him!

VenusTiger · 18/11/2019 21:21

They’ve got 3 kids to please on Christmas Day OP, maybe they can’t afford adults anymore. YABU

justgivemewine · 18/11/2019 21:24

I don’t think it’s skinflinty.

You are still buying for the children as before but you aren’t buying for the adults and neither are they so it works both ways.

Quite frankly I was relieved when SIL said let’s just buy for the children, it makes Christmas much easier not having to buy for bil and sil and them not have to buy for us just for the sake of it.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 18/11/2019 21:32

Buying for just the kids is a great idea - when all the family have kids. In my case, I'm the only one without and the year that my sister decided to enforce this on my family we had:

-all the kids having presents from everyone
-my sister and brother and their spouses giving and receiving presents
-my parents getting presents from everyone
-the parents getting presents from this kids
-my parents getting presents from their grandchildren

Me getting nothing.

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 18/11/2019 21:37

@PinkCrayon that is an excellent YouTube link and sums up gift giving very well indeed

OP posts:
ScrimshawTheSecond · 18/11/2019 21:41

Anything that reduces the general insanity of Xmas overconsumption/present buying stress is good sense if you ask me. Our families gave up adult presents a while back - it's just madness to keep giving people tat they don't need for the sake of it. We do consumables - booze and/or food, and it's pretty low stress.

CurlsandCurves · 18/11/2019 21:41

We all decided to buy for kids only a few years ago. In my sister in laws family there are a couple of siblings that don’t have children so they buy for the kids and the adults do secret Santa.

So everyone gets something.

RowenaMud · 18/11/2019 21:47

Something similar happened to me OP. I bought for DS, DBIL and their four children FOR YEARS. When my baby was a year old and coming up to the first Christmas, a law was suddenly declared that we only buy presents for the children. I turned it back and said that we shouldn't buy presents for anyone anymore as Christmas was already so expensive. They decided to become 'low contact' with me after that :) which suits perfectly well as they are only friendly with people they can gain something from for the rest of the year too.

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 18/11/2019 21:49

@RowenaMud sounds like similar relations to me then Wink

OP posts:
toastfiend · 18/11/2019 22:06

I'm the only one with one child in my family, compared to my brothers who have 2 and 3, respectively, but I was the one who suggested we only buy for children this year. Confused It doesn't matter to me how many children I'm buying for, I was buying presents for them in previous years before I'd had DS too, I'd just rather make Christmas about them instead of us all trying to exchange presents between the adults as well and all ending up skint and stressed. Couldn't give a shit if we've got one child and they've got more, that's not really what it's about. I like giving gifts, though, and don't give to receive.

Countryescape · 19/11/2019 07:08

Yes I completely agree with you. My CF brother and his wife did this. They have 3 kids and we have bought lovely presents for years for them as well . We have one baby and they buy a token shit present for 1 Christmas then pull out the “let’s only buy for kids now”. Still boils my blood.

notnowmaybelater · 19/11/2019 07:13

We've done only buying for the children for years. When some siblings didn't have children we bought for them as adults but they didn't buy for us, just our children.

Families with more children get less spent per child usually, so onlies get more expensive gifts.

I hate pointless exchanges of huge numbers of gifts between adults anyway. I'm 100% in favour of only buying for the children.

notnowmaybelater · 19/11/2019 07:15

Why didn't you enable the vote function NemophilistRebel ?

notnowmaybelater · 19/11/2019 07:16

How can you say you struggle with the volume of gifts while griping about not being bought more NemophilistRebel ?

FizzyIce · 19/11/2019 07:18

My mum just suggested this for this year as we wanted vouchers for the same place so would be just swapping them with each other as would be same amount ..seemed stupid .
We said we’d get something small for each other instead so fine with me .

Whattodoabout · 19/11/2019 07:20

Adults don’t need Christmas gifts, I have most often found them rather underwhelming as an adult tbh.

joystir59 · 19/11/2019 07:22

We buy only for the kids as well as for adults who don't have kids

Lak1115 · 19/11/2019 07:23

If you’re buying for 3, they should buy a decent present for 1. Or cut back how much you spend on theirs or buy the 3 children a shared present of some kind.

I kinda get why they’d want to just buy for the children but this is why Christmas sucks present wise. Everyone trying to make each other happy, equal buying gifts etc. It stresses me out.

I have a cousin who’s also my godmother. She is older than me and used to buy me a gift when I was a child into my teens then when I had my first child (I was quite young) she bought for him now DD. Now she has children (she was an older mum) I feel obliged to buy for them in return for what she buys mine. Thing is she is loaded and can afford more expensive things but I am reluctant to buy gifts for children I’ve only met a handful of times (we don’t live close by). I need to pluck ho the courage to email her to Say that that we should just quit it. It just seems like a pointless thing to do when I barely see her these days and I never have any idea what to buy them.

joystir59 · 19/11/2019 07:25

I hate all the pointless present buying for adults who can go out and buy what they want/need anyway. Different if it's a genuine special treat or surprise for someone who wouldn't think of/be able to afford it.

MadameJosephine · 19/11/2019 07:25

I don’t think they are CF. Christmas is expensive and you both now have to buy 2 fewer gifts. Obviously they couldn’t have suggested the kids only rule before you had DC, that would definitely have been a bit cheeky. You can use the money you would have spent on them to buy yourself something nice if you like rather than receive a gift.

joystir59 · 19/11/2019 07:27

I hate receiving pointless gifts too, such a waste. There is very little I enjoy in terms of material possessions. If I'm asked what I would like I only ever ask for book tokens

allaboutthequestions · 19/11/2019 07:27

As an adult I don't expect anything from anyone in the family and I don't buy for any adults. I have 3 kids my sister has no kids, I don't buy for her as can't afford to and tell her she doesn't have to get anything for my 3 but she always does as they are her nieces and nephew and she loves them and she is in a financial position to do so

Original poster
NemophilistRebel · 19/11/2019 07:28

@notnowmaybelater for the children. It’s crazy piles of presents. It was in response to a pp so you must be reading it out of context

OP posts:
Salene · 19/11/2019 07:30

Nope not skinflint , stops a head of unwanted crap going to landfill

Only children need gifts in my eyes too, if adults want something they can normally buy it themselves.

I would be perfectly happy with this arrangement