Family and ‘we’re only buying for the children now’

[NemophilistRebel]

Am I the only one who thinks you skinflint?

Family member who has 3 children which we have always bought for along with the parents decides as soon as we have first baby that now we have children (1) we can buy for children only at Christmas and birthdays.

So that’s years worth of buying for their 3 and them not having an issue, and now they just buy for one.

Is this typical with CF family members ?

[Morverner]

I find just buying for the kids far easier, can't afford to buy for everyone in these times. We have the least amount of children in our family and I know one relative who doesn't find it fair that we spend less on her kids per child than she does on ours. But if you have six children, it's a bit unreasonable to expect expensive gifts for each.
But I guess that's a different argument. Just buying for the kids is a good plan, tbh I find adult present buying, just for the sake of it really wasteful. I know I rarely get things that I actually use.

[Morverner]

Lol, just realised zombie thread. Funny that the16yrold who brought it back to life will now definitely be in the adult "not getting a present" category. Wonder if it was a glitch that had them replying to their own comment 3yrs later?

[caringcarer]

This is what we do in my family as there are lots of cousins. We buy our own children a gift each and put from aunties, uncles and cousins. They do the same. I have 21 nieces and nephews on both sides of family and this way is affordable and no one gets left out. Plus we know what our own children would like. We have a £20 rule so gift must not be more than £20. This works well in families with lots of children and ultimately if parents have more children they pay put more.

[ChampagneLassie]

Seems totally reasonable - and fair you all stop buying for adults. A seperate Q, i suppose is do you think its unfair that you have to buy x 3 and they only x 1. Would they spent equivalent amount on 1 as you're spending on 3? Unless you're agreeing budgets etc surely there could be discrepancies irrespective no DC. In my DP large family each sibling with DC buys a gift for one niece or nephew only.

[Sarbears28]

Yabu. Are you totally oblivious to the rise of cost of living? We this year are doing hand made cards and presents for all our family and have told them so. We simply can not afford to live never mind buy presents for others.

[Somethingneedstochange]

Everyone's finances are different.Plus it's easier to buy for children than adults.

[Libertybear80]

It is what we said a few years ago. My kids still got presents. Their kids still got presents. Part of the reason we did it was because we knew some other members of the family were hard up and were making Christmas presents for adults. We thought this has got to stop. It's ridiculous!

[WhereIsVillanelleWhenNeeded]

My brother has one DC as does my BIL and we have 2DC. I always get their DC something extra because I’m conscious that their parents are buying for two. We’re not all CFers.

[Dunnoburt]

I'm an only child, aunt/uncle had 3 kids, we did children only at Xmas/birthday,........ I got 3 presents from them and they got 1 each from us! 😁😁🎁🎁

[Hesma]

Not so much them being CF, more you being grabby

[Dancingwithhyenas]

It is an exceptionally expensive time to be alive. I’d cut everyone some slack on presents.

[phishy]

@Hesma

Not so much them being CF, more you being grabby

How was the OP grabby?

[FrecklesMalone]

You don't have to buy presents for your nieces and nephews. That's up to you. Or you could buy them a joint present. I absolutely love not having to buy presents for adults. We do a secret Santa for the adults with a £10 budget. Who needs more stuff? Definitely not me. I hate clutter. A nice book and I am happy.

[BusyMum47]

Christ, we were thrilled when SIL suggested only buying for kids from now on & adopted it rapidly across both families!

At the end of the day, we buy for less people - result. All the kids still get the same amount of presents - result. We don't have piles of 'bought for the sake of it' tat - result. Winner all round!

I occasionally get mildly irritated that we have to buy far more presents than other relatives because we only have 1 child & they all have multiples but that's sadly Mother Nature's fault. 🤷‍♀️

[GinUnicorn]

We have the same situation although we are now wondering how long it goes on for. SILs two daughters 17 and 15 usually ask for very expensive gifts (£40 region) we are hoping to stop once they are 18. Wouldn’t mind so much but they are very entitled generally.

[Beautiful3]

YABU. Cost of living has shot up, people are trying to reduce their out goings, to afford energy& grocery bills. We started this, only buying for kids in our family too. We don't expect anything. If people buy them a bag of sweets, then that's appreciated. You don't need to match what people spend on your children, just set an amount you can afford. You can just buy sweets and a card, I'm sure they will appreciate what ever you gift.

[Squirrelsnut]

We did this years ago and it's great. Less money, less stress, less waste. I don't need gift packs of shower gel and body lotion.

[TenoringBehind]

We started doing this years ago because it seemed ridiculous to waste time and money buying things for adults that they almost certainly didn’t really want and which just sat in a cupboard until they were donated to a charity shop or school tomboys. Reduced some of the stress around Christmas too.

[Highfivemum]

skinny yes I do agree after you doing it for years for them. That’s families for you though. My friends DB only would buy for 2 of her DC ( she has 4) as he only has two !! Crazy.

[SteamingHind]

@Beautiful3

YABU. Cost of living has shot up, people are trying to reduce their out goings, to afford energy& grocery bills. We started this, only buying for kids in our family too. We don't expect anything. If people buy them a bag of sweets, then that's appreciated. You don't need to match what people spend on your children, just set an amount you can afford. You can just buy sweets and a card, I'm sure they will appreciate what ever you gift.

It hadn't shot up when she posted.

[CornedBeef451]

We do this now. I was the last to have kids but it was my idea. I also implemented stopping at 18 as I was buying gifts for adult children with more disposable income than me.

There's now great grandkids in the mix so I am buying for my great nieces and nephews but don't buy their parents anything. It's a bit odd as they (the adult nieces and nephew) don't buy my kids anything but my sister does so it all works out that way.

I privately also implemented a budget for each family as DB had 5 and DS had 3 so if I spent the same on each child it was costing me a fortune.

I'm just relieved to not be scrabbling for presents for adults when no one wants anything and we all used to end up with weird generic gifts.

[Blaggertyjibbet]

We always draw names from a hat. We do one secret Santa draw amongst the children and another amongst the adults. When the kids turn 18 they are included in the adult pool instead of just ageing out of getting a gift. That way each family only buys a number of presents that is proportionate their family size, and it is one decent gift instead of 10 small boxes of cheap chocolate.

[SleeplessInEngland]

YABU for treating gifts as transactional.

[MonteStory]

I completely get it @NemophilistRebel My MIL has form for making unilateral decisions about stuff like this. You can’t complain without looking grabby (as this thread shows!) but I really dislike being told who to buy for and how to do it. That’s not how gift giving works.

We don’t do kids only but for some reason this year MIL decided adults would open their presents later. So it’s just loads of adults sitting round watching my kids open presents which I didn’t like. I will ask this year that everyone is equal. I don’t like the message “Christmas is for kids”. Everyone has the right to a nice day of nice food, relaxing, seeing loved ones etc. obviously they may not get that but festivals aren’t just ‘for the kids’

[Tiani4]

@Knittedfairies

...or buy one gift for them to share?

OP you said you have other childless Siblings

Why don't you and they agree that for a few years you and they will buy for each of you as adults and small pressie for baby (baby won't need much) and then when they want to buy bigger presents for baby they stop buying for you

Then your sibling with 3 DCs misses out of adult pressies but also - all of you siblings only buy

• 1 present from per family between all 3 of their DCs
• or just get them a selection box each at £2 each
• or all the siblings get together and buy their DCs a bigger present at £20 from all the aunties and uncles and maybe nan and grandad too (so is £5 each for eg)

Then your sibling with 3 can look on in jealousy when all the other adults open gifts between each other and watch their DCs open small gifts or one big gift from family