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AIBU?

Family and ‘we’re only buying for the children now’

334 replies

NemophilistRebel · 18/11/2019 17:57

Am I the only one who thinks you skinflint?

Family member who has 3 children which we have always bought for along with the parents decides as soon as we have first baby that now we have children (1) we can buy for children only at Christmas and birthdays.

So that’s years worth of buying for their 3 and them not having an issue, and now they just buy for one.

Is this typical with CF family members ?

OP posts:

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RowenaMud · 19/11/2019 18:11

Nope. We have started doing this for environmental reasons.

Not referring to the above but
I remember a few years ago somebody I knew sent an e-card because it was better for the environment. They then posted photos on FB if the tonnes of wrapped gifts they had bought their children. A few years on they reverted to sending a downsized number of cards and admitted to saving money but had used the environment as an excuse at the time 😀

By the way I don’t disagree with not sending cards. Each to their own.

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dollyandshirl · 19/11/2019 18:12

...and forgive us our Chritmases, as we forgive those that Christmas against us...

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MrsBadcrumble123 · 19/11/2019 18:15

Yes we only buy for family kids and our parents. If it bothers you that much better get on with popping few more kids out

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charm8ed · 19/11/2019 18:18

I’d either knock buying for any of the family on the head or have at least 4 children just to stitch them up.

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Sleepyhead19 · 19/11/2019 18:19

I buy for a couple of adults in the family who have no kids then only for the kids if the adults have them. My bank account isn’t an endless pot. I’m not tight. I work bloody hard and what I earn only goes so far.
The adults I don’t buy for don’t buy for adults either. Everyone likes it that way.

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Oblomov19 · 19/11/2019 18:26

Huge family here. We all need not ever bought for the kids.

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Jane1727 · 19/11/2019 18:35

We only buy for children, adults do a secret Santa so we buy one gift each. We have 3 children and both of my SIL’s have one each. We tend to buy more expensive gifts as we are buying for one only. I am very conscious that we have 3 and they each only have one. However, everyone was relieved as it saves us coming up with ideas for the other 5 adults. We only started this when my last sim had her son 3 years ago and we didn’t feel we could before as not everyone had children (so effectively the childless couple would have been buying for kids and their family got nothing) It works for us. Not cheeky at all in my opinion.

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Alarae · 19/11/2019 18:53

My sister suggested this now I'm pregnant with my first child, when I have always bought for her and my nephew each year. My other sister had her first child last year.

Since I thought it was a bit depressing not to get or give anything between us, I suggested we do a round Robin and alternate each year. This way we all get one present but it cuts down on costs.

Can you not agree to do a secret santa of sorts? It's a compromise for cost cutting but means you still get the thrill of buying for a family member.

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Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 19/11/2019 18:59

It’s partly laziness too. Like those with more children don’t want to be wasting time thinking of the brothers, sisters, aunts or uncles anymore Too right because when they all come for dinner I spend 3 days in the kitchen cooking for 21 people. Gift buying on top is nuts.

Gift of time to adults. Presents for kids. Simple.

Can’t believe adults still expect gifts really, just not on my radar.

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nuxe1984 · 19/11/2019 19:10

My father was one of 12 children. Some of my aunts/uncles had several children, others had 1 , others had none. To make it fair for everyone, the adults all put the same amount of money in the pot which was then divided amongst the children. Parents then bought a gift from the "aunts and uncles".

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Yestermost · 19/11/2019 19:15

We did this it's so much better. You all spend less and buy less shite.

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Eckhart · 19/11/2019 19:19

They've told you what they're doing. You tell them what you're doing. They don't make the rules. If you think they're being tight and it bothers you, find a way to reciprocate. 'One gift per household this year!', and get them a game or a family cinema membership, something they can all use. Or 'Only edible gifts this year!' and get them a hamper with things in that they'll all love.

I do think you're missing the point of gifts a bit, though. You think they're being skinflints because they're buying less presents. I think you're being Scrooge because you're totting up the score and feeling hard done to.

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yasle · 19/11/2019 19:21

YABVU
Christmas is a ridiculous consumer fest
When my db suggested we only buy for kids, I was thrilled
Can't stand Christmas, I'd like to see it cancelled permanently.
I don't buy any adult anything, aside from my mum as she has no money and needs stuff.

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RowenaMud · 19/11/2019 19:34

One gift per household this year!', and get them a game or a family cinema membership, something they can all use. Or 'Only edible gifts this year!' and get them a hamper with things in that they'll all love

This is the most sensible suggestion I have read on this thread. As well as sensible, it is a lovely idea.

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SquashedOrange · 19/11/2019 19:35

once you have DC, the presents pass to them" then wtf have they been doing taking gifts for themselves as well all this time??"

But when does being given gifts, become taking gifts??

So basically if you have kids first and ask for kids only presents, you're 'stingey'. So you wait until your siblings have kids to suggest it and you're a CF for taking gifts in previous years, even though you didn't want them!

It never really occurred to me that people are taking note of who gives/ receives what and keeping a tally. It's horrible.

I used to love Christmas, now it's just a very complicated gift exchange.

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canveyisland · 19/11/2019 19:35

IME I am now very careful of these instructions because I was caught out by someone telling me this and it was not the case. It made me look stupid and unkind and I have never forgiven them.

If you can't afford to buy expensive or too many gifts people really will understand.

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LovePoppy · 19/11/2019 19:48

The ones who said it to us had a full time SAHP, and was just told to us in a ‘we’re doing this now’.

So....it should have been a negotiation?

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Lc2006 · 19/11/2019 19:55

It's not about them being tight or it being 'fair' though if they can't afford it, you can't have what they haven't got. They may be finding it increasingly hard now the kids are getting older to keep up with the ever increasing cost and simply cannot manage adult gifts as well. Even token gifts add up when you have 15 of them to buy.

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Pericombobulations · 19/11/2019 19:56

I said this to my siblings as I was fed up of getting Christmas Eve purchases from the local supermarket, which wouldnt have been that bad, but when they called and asked what alcohol we drink, I specifically said dont buy us alcohol niether of us like it much, get us a box of nice biscuits or chocolate.

When they turned up bearing gifts, there was alcohol for us. Back in the regifting pile.

I therefore offered to only do children presents, with only one child myself, and sibling has three. Didnt care, would much rather that than being so much ignored, they cant even be bothered to listen to me say "dont waste your money buying us alcohol".

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RowenaMud · 19/11/2019 20:07

So basically if you have kids first and ask for kids only presents, you're 'stingey'. So you wait until your siblings have kids to suggest it and you're a CF for taking gifts in previous years, even though you didn't want them!

They could have said (as I do to childfree family members) please don’t buy us gifts, just get them for the children or alternatively give one gift to each household as suggested above.

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RowenaMud · 19/11/2019 20:10

So basically if you have kids first and ask for kids only presents, you're 'stingey'

The thing is if you have kids first and ask for gifts only for the children, then obviously you still buy gifts for the person or couple who don’t have children. Accepting four plus gifts while returning one is tight.

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tenbob · 19/11/2019 20:12

My tightarse SIL went one better and decided unilaterally that the whole family is now doing secret Santa for children

So after a over decade of us and other SIL buying Christmas presents for all 4 of her children, they now buy one present between our DC and DNephews

She is alllll class

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Cutesbabasmummy · 19/11/2019 20:30

I did write a similar post a few years ago and got absolutely flamed for it. We have 1 DS and one BIL has three kids and the other has 2. So we have to buy 5 gifts for the nephews. To be honest a few years on its good not to have gifts we dont want from them but forking out for 5 kids is really expensive.

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wrcm · 19/11/2019 20:38

I have 3 children and my sister has one. We decided years ago (think after i had my second daughter) that would just wouldn't do presents anymore. It's expensive enough trying to buy for your own kids nevermind everyone elses.

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Zeezee82 · 19/11/2019 20:47

This has always been our family rule. You get presents until you have children. Parents buying for their own (grown up) children and daughter/son-in-law is the only exception

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