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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family and ‘we’re only buying for the children now’

334 replies

NemophilistRebel · 18/11/2019 17:57

Am I the only one who thinks you skinflint?

Family member who has 3 children which we have always bought for along with the parents decides as soon as we have first baby that now we have children (1) we can buy for children only at Christmas and birthdays.

So that’s years worth of buying for their 3 and them not having an issue, and now they just buy for one.

Is this typical with CF family members ?

OP posts:
LendAnEar · 18/11/2019 17:59

We only buy for the children in our family because that's all we can afford and even then it's a stretch. YABU and a CF to expect gifts from anybody.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/11/2019 18:00

As the sibling with DC I think that is awful and very cringeworthy. YANBU.

Starlight456 · 18/11/2019 18:00

Aren’t you all buying for 2 less adults.

Isn’t it woof they said we only buy for children and you got nothing ?

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/11/2019 18:00

Does everyone have DC LendAnEar?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 18/11/2019 18:03

Just have 2 more children and get your money's worth!

Knittedfairies · 18/11/2019 18:04

...or buy one gift for them to share?

KittenLedWeaning · 18/11/2019 18:04

You were buying for 5 - now buying for 3.
They were buying for 2 - now buying for 1.

It seems more of a general cost cutting exercise than them being CFs.

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 18/11/2019 18:04

Ybvu to expect a gift or consider them 'skinflints'. It's a perfectly common and widely accepted thing to do these days.
It could have been worded better if it is as you say it is. Along the lines of "how about if we agree to only buy for the children?"
I feel sorry for your family member with how you've worded your post. You either dislike them or are incredibly materialistic and grabby.

pictish · 18/11/2019 18:04

I assume they’ve always bought a gift for you and dh in return?

Maybe the pennies just aren’t stretching like they used to...kids only get more expensive as they grow and if they’ve got three to provide Christmas for...

It might not be a case of cheekyfuckery but one of financial constraint.

LendAnEar · 18/11/2019 18:05

Nope we have about 10 children we buy for across both families. We plead with people to not buy us gifts but parents/grandparents tend to buy us bits.

We can't magic money to buy gifts for endless relatives.

pictish · 18/11/2019 18:06

What Kitten said there.

Mintypea5 · 18/11/2019 18:06

We do secret Santa for the adults on DH side (large family!) and then we just buy for the kids as between us and DH siblings we have 7 children

Likethebattle · 18/11/2019 18:07

Your sibling probably finds the fact they have 3 children expensive e puff and no another person had been added in. We only buy for children in pit family now and no one is stamping feet of someone has 3 children (I childless but still buy for family children.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/11/2019 18:07

You sound pretty entitled. Surely you've only bought gifts for people you want to align the past anyway?

Lougle · 18/11/2019 18:07

We have 3 children and SIL has 2. We buy for children only and are all very relieved!

olympicsrock · 18/11/2019 18:07

No it’s fine. You stop when their kids are 18 and they keep going. All evens out.

PinkiOcelot · 18/11/2019 18:07

I could have written your post OP. The exact same thing happened when I had my first DD 18 years ago. I’d been buying for DH’s sister, her husband and their 3 kids then as soon as I had DD it was buy for the kids only. Pissed me right off. Stingy bastards.

Napqueen1234 · 18/11/2019 18:08

YABU. They have waited until you have a child to suggest this so you aren’t giftless with them benefitting. Now I have a DC I would much rather her get gifts than me and appreciate money is tight at Christmas. Stop being a dickz

Myusername101 · 18/11/2019 18:09

I think OP means they are only buying for their children and not OPs child.

YANBU OP.

ilyjccs · 18/11/2019 18:11

Normally I’m happy with only buying for the kids but in your situation where you have to buy for 3 kids and they have to buy for just one, it’s a bit off. However, I wouldn’t cause a fuss because it will be seen as being grabby

Likethebattle · 18/11/2019 18:11

I think you sound like a CF to be honest an need to grow up. You sound like a child ‘wah he got more than me!’

Newmumma83 · 18/11/2019 18:11

@NemophilistRebel morning was stopping you to suggest the same years ago.

13 years ago my brother had his first and we agreed that same rule ... I have only just had my first Child btw so he got off buying anything for 13 years ... but I wanted to spoil my nephew Christmas is about the kids and it saved me and my brother money that would couldn’t really afford

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/11/2019 18:12

We only buy for the children in our family because that's all we can afford and even then it's a stretch. YABU and a CF to expect gifts from anybody.

Was that CF aimed at the family member whose three children have already had all the presents?

There's nothing wrong with buying for children only - just a tiny token gift if money is very tight - but it is not fair to change the goalposts when it suits you and your family. If you all agree to only buy for people up to the age of 18, then it stops for each person once they reach 18 and it doesn't stop for any person before they reach 18.

If two people between them have an hour timeslot for a fun activity and agree to take turns, half an hour each, the first person can't just go ahead and take their half-hour, and then say "We've got half an hour left - let's just have 15 minutes each."

LL83 · 18/11/2019 18:13

They have been wanting to cut back for a while but couldn't stop adult presents as you would still buy for their dc. I assume this is due to financial reasons, or to reduce the stress and waste at Christmas.

Drum2018 · 18/11/2019 18:16

It's very common for families to do this. You got the raw end of the deal as you have bought for 3 kids for a few years and they still expect that you should do that while they buy one peresent for your one child. So what you do from now on is buy one board game (generic on from smiths) and 3 selection boxes - 3 for a fiver offer at most. Or you could give £15/20 cinema voucher with the selection boxes. I certainly wouldn't be buying 3 separate presents anymore.