SexlessBoulder - I’d rather be single than with someone who expects a bloody medal for doing the dishes! I’m willing to bet that what you described under those name changes more than warranted advice to leave. If you choose not to because you have low standards and are willing to put up with poor treatment then that is your choice, though I’d argue if you were genuinely happy you wouldn’t have posted those threads in the first place.
You certainly don’t have the right to judge other women with higher standards for their decisions.
My ex cheated and I ended the relationship because like fuck would I put up with being treated so disrespectfully. He himself admits he was an idiot to do it and regrets it massively, there was no reason for him to do so other than the ego boost. Other than that he was a relatively good husband and father until then, pulled his weight around the home, and with childcare responsibilities, behaved fairly re finances - until we split, then I saw a whole other side to him! On the topic of ow in my case slightly unusual as she was supposedly a friend of mine too and absolutely knew he was married, that we were very much together, so yes I blame her as much as him.
Having witnessed an abusive marriage in my parents’ I would never tolerate the crap my mother has. I’ve seen various friends & family putting up with differing levels of unfair treatment from their husbands/partners, very few men in my experience are genuinely equal in how they treat their wives/partners.
“I've never read a thread that goes 'my OH never does the DIY, cut the grass, trim the trees, plant flowers, decorates the house, clean the car, takes the rubbish out and I always wonder whether in the list of things these men never do, there is some selective thinking.” I’ve seen at least 3 threads in recent months where exactly that was the case! Where the husband/partner was not only not doing “womens” jobs but they weren’t doing ANYTHING! Myself and certain other posters who’s names escape me right now often challenge the comment on such threads of “is he living in the 1950’s” because the men/couples we know who are/were more traditional in how tasks were divided weren’t plain LAZY! My grandfathers and even my arse of a father, my uncles may have/do their home based tasks along sex based division but they don’t do NOTHING which an increasing amount of younger men seem to claim is “traditional”. No the women may have done the dishes, the laundry and caring for babies and toddlers but the men did the diy, gardening and occupying older children.
“if women focused on how to be more considerate of their partner's feelings so they could do the same” WHY do the women have to “be nice” first?!
Yes for many couples the years immediately after having dc can be the toughest but I do think at this point the onus should be slightly more on men to understand that their wives/partners are recovering from childbirth, coping with the demands on their body of breastfeeding, are emotionally stretched if the primary carers of demanding babies/toddlers (touched out etc). Yet I regularly see threads from men morning about lack of sex when their wives/partners are less than 6 months post partum! And generally these same posters do precious little around the home & with childcare - it’s like “really?! And you’re surprised she doesn’t want sex?! Get a clue!”
I have NEVER seen it suggested that a full time working man ALSO has to be completely taking over household and childcare tasks when they’re at home. I’ve seen many RIGHTLY say that both parties deserve equal down time, that his working “full time” doesn’t mean he gets to do ZERO at home.
“Then look out for it. It's definitely there.” Please do provide examples.
“It is way more nuanced than that!
People keep offering examples that don’t compare with each other as examples of “double standards”.” Totally agree