to suggest that Mumsnet is quite sexist against men?

[Eckhart]

I don't know if it's just the threads I've been on. I don't know how many men use Mumsnet.

Sexism either way makes me equally uncomfortable. How do other Mumsnet users feel about this?

Dutch
You said fuck off frother to me for pointing out that Mumsnet is the 4chan for women. And you object with 4chan style cyber bullying. Good work proving my point.

It’s important who the posters are. As I said earlier MN is nothing more than a collection of individuals. That’s why saying “MN is.....” is nonsense.

I agree. I suppose you could suggest that 'MN's user-base mainly consists of individuals who are sexist against men'. But I am not convinced that it does. I think the more vocal ones skew people's perceptions.

@PlanDeRaccordement

What is 4Chan?

I was giving you the benefit of the doubt until your reply to @Graphista. Now I see we’re dealing with a poster who claims they’re here for a genuine opinion but who obviously just wants to be agreed with and will completely disregard a very well thought out and compelling post for the sake of it, not only that, but you will openly state this to further anger others on the thread.

I don't think it's all that sexist 'towards' men, no. I think it's supportive of women though and that can look the same in a society that's skewed against us.

Do you not think that individual men who come here looking for support should be given it too though? Why is it ok to be sympathetic to a woman and yet scathing to a man in the same situation?

If cheating, controlling behaviour, abuse, financial abuse etc are wrong then they are wrong regardless of the sex of the perpetrator?

@PlanDeRaccordement

Never mind- I googled it. MN is not 4Chan. Half of the posts would be (rightly) deleted by MNHQ. I looked at one advice thread and saw two very offensive posts (one racist, the other ableist).

@Graphista I have acknowledged the reality for many millions of women and girls. In life, and on this thread. I didn't even know your comment was about abuse. I stopped reading it in the second line when you were directly rude about/to me. I can't remember what you said now. Why would I keep reading? Why would I stay and listen to someone who is rude to me?

Yeah it's a woman's world alright.

Do you not think that individual men who come here looking for support should be given it too though? Why is it ok to be sympathetic to a woman and yet scathing to a man in the same situation?

I've seen support offered to male posters plenty of times. Sure, they get some scathing comments too, but so do the vast majority of posts made by female posters.

I don't agree that I in general mumsnet is sympathetic to women and scathing of men in the same situation.

I think individual men coming here for support mostly get support and sometimes don't just as women who come here looking for support mostly so and sometimes do.

What you won't find is general support for men whose behaviour seems to follow that societal pattern that oppresses women, because this site is generally supportive of women and by its nature understanding of how that oppression feels.

I wasn't whinging about men. Think you got carried away on your fury, there.
I’ll elaborate for you “whinging about how badly treated the poor men are”.

It’s like a cesspool of women hating, misogynists on here, with the usual crowd turning up. I’ll ask again, why are you on Mumsnet if you think it’s full of man haters. Seems a bit masochistic to me. Do you like feeling hard done by, or do you get a thrill from trying to act as if all men are victims. There’s another group that likes to do that. 🤔

JacquesHammer
The phrase 'MN is...' is a bit like 'Men are...', though, isn't it? You know, it's a collection of individuals, everybody's different, etc.

(is this a better way of 'tagging' you? Phones are so irritating.)

It wasn't that bad, compared to him cutting her with a glass, cutting up her credit cards and leaving her stranded. One is a civil matter, the other a criminal one. Come on, you're wilfully misrepresenting the gist of the thread, the vast majority of which was actually based on the attack with a glass and the fact the guy treats his fiancée like a scullery maid.

Not misrepresenting anything. Plenty of posters were saying kissing someone isn't that bad, it wasn't pre meditated and was just a drunken kiss, she only did it because they've not had sex in ages - I'm not saying what he did was not as bad as that, I'm saying how can anyone justify cheating, under any circumstances?

Why not say "setting aside what you did, what he did was terrible/criminal/abusive"?
You can criticise his behaviour without excusing or minimizing hers can't you? Would you accept seeing a woman told that, as she hadn't slept with her husband in months then it was understandable that he'd had a drunken snog with another woman?

Rhino,
4chan is an anonymous message board run similar to mumsnet. However, it has a minority of misogynist men who comment on threads (gamer gate). There are also cases of members creating lists of users to target for cyber bullying both on 4chan and on Twitter/facebook.

@Totallyfuckedup

You've decided I'm a man, too, then?

Walking like one, quacking like one

Loads of women on MN who are sexist to & about other women too. I'm not about to get into a tizz about men. They'll be OK they stick together in a way that women too often don't.

I also don't see why say pregnancy or menopause related disinterest in sex should be treated more sympathetically than ED or low testosterone? Why does being touched out as a mother deserve greater sympathy than being absolutely knackered by working long hours in a physical job just because you're male?

I didn't say it did. I just used the reasons I've seen most often from women complaining of being badgered about sex. I've yet to see a man complaining of low testosterone, ED or overwork as a reason for not wanting sex on here. Also, as more respondents are female, they'll be able to come up with the reasons a woman may not want sex but may struggle to do the same for a man.

Querying the veracity of your motives for posting this thread - which many other respondents who's posts you DID read also did - is not being rude.

It's a valid query/wondering.

But I'm quite used to men/apologist women dismissing mine and others who've been through same and worse experiences.

It's the only way certain people can continue to fool themselves that men have it oh so hard in what IS a mans world.

JacquesHammer
I see your point on that.

If someone always defends obviously absuive behaviour then that's problematic. I feel the same way when some poster automatically assume there's only one response/acceptable outcome and then get frothy with anyone who suggests there's an alternative view.

When people have denied the double standard exists I've got to respectfully disagree, but do think whether it's a true double standard depends on topic.

For example, on the whole ones about sex tend to have fairly obvious contextual differences that make a response to a man Vs a woman who is 3 months post birth totally different, and rightly so. But I struggle with the double standards about privacy and friendships in a relationship because I've seen too many friends (male and female) experience negative relationships in that respect, so struggle with anyone saying it's fine for a woman to check a man's phone but not vice versa.

I think Simkin makes a really good point when she says individual men can often get a lot of support here, but what doesn't get support is behaviour that is male pattern behaviour that is harmful to women.

Why not say "setting aside what you did, what he did was terrible/criminal/abusive"?

Most posters did. One or two tried to excuse the OP, but you'll get that variability on any site where individuals post. As I said, the vast majority of posters focussed, rightly, on the glassing and subsequent abusive acts. You did misrepresent the main gist of the thread, as it is untruthful to say that a majority of posters formed a consensus that the OP was entirely innocent of wrongdoing. Yes, one or two did, but you can't use that to make sweeping statements about MN as a site.

Oh, and I'm on Mumsnet because I'm really interested in people's opinions and experiences, and how they differ. On this thread, I'm here to find out how many people think it's sexist against men. That's because on a previous thread I was on, I saw what I thought to be quite a lot of sexism against men. I've also posted on threads about dogs and shopping and relationships, and responded as supportively as I could to quite a few posters who were in the middle of/leaving abusive relationships, and somebody whose baby was stillborn.

So there's quite a lot of different things I'm interested in, not just the old misogyny you accuse me of.

RolytheRhino

No, their wives come on and complain about no sex as DH has ED, low testosterone or has gone off sex but works 60 hours a week. They are always told that if he doesn't go to the Dr to get investigated and treated then he is selfish and she should ltb. Imagine saying that a menopausal woman must go on HRT to get her sex drive back again or else she's selfish and her DH would be right to leave her.

"I'm on Mumsnet because I just want to hear different views..."
Says the person exhibiting sealioning behaviour.

What next "oh I'm sorry... I was just asking a question... Why are you all so defensive?"

Most posters did. One or two tried to excuse the OP, but you'll get that variability on any site where individuals post.

No, most posters didn't, now who's wilfully misrepresenting? Most posters said what she did wasn't that bad, that it wasn't pre planned, that she only did it because she wanted to prove she was still attractive, she wanted affection etc etc. Basically, excusing cheating. Notably, at least one poster said that kissing someone else wasn't cheating, which no doubt will be of interest to any woman whose partner has missed someone else.