To think people with kids can go out without them occasionally

[Ritascornershop]

My kids are now young adults. I was a SAHM and loved being with the kids. However, on the rare occasion a friend without kids wanted to meet for coffee, I did my best to leave the kids behind. Friends of mine who’ve had kids later, do not seem to be of the same mindset. They all have partners and these attempts at a coffee out always happen on the weekends when neither is working, but for some reason the kids can never be left with any of these men (who, from what I’ve seen, seem sensible decent fathers).

Today I drove for 40 minutes to find friend was there with her baby (aged 1). Baby was bored to death, wanted a nap, it was pouring out so we couldn’t take her for a walk, so after half an hour friend was frazzled and said she’d have to her home.

Also, when babies and kids are there it changes the whole tone of the conversation. No swearing, no talk of sex or romance, no saying your boss is an evil dirtbag, etc.

One friend still brings her kid along to everything and the kid is 13!! Said child is constantly interrupting to ask for more details about whatever I’ve just said. Or make us listen to a poem she’s just made up, or argue with me about why her pet tv show is actually historically accurate (it’s not).

I really, really like kids, truly I do. And kids like me. But can’t their dads ever look after them for an hour or two?

I had kids before my friends and the friends had zero interest in my DS and I always met them without him with me. Now they have their own I am supposed to want to see their kids and I end up never seeing said friends because I just don't enjoy the company of small children. They should remember how they felt! Nothing is more irritating than someone's small person on a lunch date.

I want a reliable employee. If a person struggles to arrange childcare (it didn't fall through she just didn't know who to ask apparently) for an interview, then it doesn't bode well for the future.

Hm. I sort of admire the chutzpa, they don't cancel the interview but just get on with it with kid in tow. I think this is actually impressive.

OP
I think the 13 yr old comes along for the very reason you quoted her saying ‘I’m not the centre of attention’
Her mother has allowed everything to revolve around her DD and she likely rules the roost and mum can’t leave without her bratty child.

I think this is actually impressive

Really? For the sake of finding childcare for the 30 mins that she was being interviewed for - even bringing a friend to sit with the child in reception would have been ok - she expected us to interview her with her child present? Then argued when we said we couldn't. Bollocks to that.

I only take my DS to meet ups if the friend is also bringing their child(ren). I much prefer meeting friends without kids being there. It's only an hour or so now and then and I'm sure my DS has got a million things he would rather do than sit in a coffee shop with two grown ups nattering. I deliberately arrange for a time when DH is at home and off I bloody well fuck.

I have no idea why the 13 year old comes, why do they not have their own friends or activities they want to do during that time.

I confess though that I am a slight culprit of this. I see weekends as primarily family time so we rend to do stuff either as a family unit or meeting as a family with other families. So when I meet a friend on my own it tends to be because dh is doing something unfamily related, eg going yo a football match. So I'll sometimes see friends as something to do whilst I have dc.

Which might annoy friends but I tell them I'll have the kids so their choice whether or not to meet!

YANBU. I have 3 under 4 and I wouldn't dream of bringing them along when meeting up with friends. Most of my friends do not have kids and it wouldn't be the same. Plus the whole point of meeting friends is to have a break from being 'mummy' so how can I have a break if they're with me 24/7?!

I look after the kids when DH socialises so it's only fair the other way round too. If I didn't trust him to look after our kids or if he wasn't keen on being a hands-on parent, I wouldn't have had children with him.

I missed the part where she didn't try to arrange childcare. That's not great, obviously.

Just remembered when DD got married we invited her uncle and his partner. It was a sit down meal in a small venue and quite expensive so just a few family and friends and only family children.
Uncle's partner asked if she could bring her grandson (who we have never met ) because likes the seaside town where we live. We said no so they declined the invitation!

I always had mine at just 1 as h worked stupid hours and I bf until 18 months. Not everyone wants to leave their kids, especially if they work all week

Ps I sometimes have my adult dd with me, just depends (she does have sn but is quite independent however sometimes she likes to come