To think people with kids can go out without them occasionally

[Ritascornershop]

My kids are now young adults. I was a SAHM and loved being with the kids. However, on the rare occasion a friend without kids wanted to meet for coffee, I did my best to leave the kids behind. Friends of mine who’ve had kids later, do not seem to be of the same mindset. They all have partners and these attempts at a coffee out always happen on the weekends when neither is working, but for some reason the kids can never be left with any of these men (who, from what I’ve seen, seem sensible decent fathers).

Today I drove for 40 minutes to find friend was there with her baby (aged 1). Baby was bored to death, wanted a nap, it was pouring out so we couldn’t take her for a walk, so after half an hour friend was frazzled and said she’d have to her home.

Also, when babies and kids are there it changes the whole tone of the conversation. No swearing, no talk of sex or romance, no saying your boss is an evil dirtbag, etc.

One friend still brings her kid along to everything and the kid is 13!! Said child is constantly interrupting to ask for more details about whatever I’ve just said. Or make us listen to a poem she’s just made up, or argue with me about why her pet tv show is actually historically accurate (it’s not).

I really, really like kids, truly I do. And kids like me. But can’t their dads ever look after them for an hour or two?

[stucknoue]

Ps I sometimes have my adult dd with me, just depends (she does have sn but is quite independent however sometimes she likes to come

[stucknoue]

I always had mine at just 1 as h worked stupid hours and I bf until 18 months. Not everyone wants to leave their kids, especially if they work all week

[sandgrown]

Just remembered when DD got married we invited her uncle and his partner. It was a sit down meal in a small venue and quite expensive so just a few family and friends and only family children.
Uncle's partner asked if she could bring her grandson (who we have never met ) because likes the seaside town where we live. We said no so they declined the invitation!

[EntropyRising]

I missed the part where she didn't try to arrange childcare. That's not great, obviously.

[BreadSauceHmm]

YANBU. I have 3 under 4 and I wouldn't dream of bringing them along when meeting up with friends. Most of my friends do not have kids and it wouldn't be the same. Plus the whole point of meeting friends is to have a break from being 'mummy' so how can I have a break if they're with me 24/7?!

I look after the kids when DH socialises so it's only fair the other way round too. If I didn't trust him to look after our kids or if he wasn't keen on being a hands-on parent, I wouldn't have had children with him.

[Babynamechangerr]

I have no idea why the 13 year old comes, why do they not have their own friends or activities they want to do during that time.

I confess though that I am a slight culprit of this. I see weekends as primarily family time so we rend to do stuff either as a family unit or meeting as a family with other families. So when I meet a friend on my own it tends to be because dh is doing something unfamily related, eg going yo a football match. So I'll sometimes see friends as something to do whilst I have dc.

Which might annoy friends but I tell them I'll have the kids so their choice whether or not to meet!

[CalamityJune]

I only take my DS to meet ups if the friend is also bringing their child(ren). I much prefer meeting friends without kids being there. It's only an hour or so now and then and I'm sure my DS has got a million things he would rather do than sit in a coffee shop with two grown ups nattering. I deliberately arrange for a time when DH is at home and off I bloody well fuck.

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

I think this is actually impressive

Really? For the sake of finding childcare for the 30 mins that she was being interviewed for - even bringing a friend to sit with the child in reception would have been ok - she expected us to interview her with her child present? Then argued when we said we couldn't. Bollocks to that.

[JKScot4]

OP
I think the 13 yr old comes along for the very reason you quoted her saying ‘I’m not the centre of attention’
Her mother has allowed everything to revolve around her DD and she likely rules the roost and mum can’t leave without her bratty child.

[EntropyRising]

I want a reliable employee. If a person struggles to arrange childcare (it didn't fall through she just didn't know who to ask apparently) for an interview, then it doesn't bode well for the future.


Hm. I sort of admire the chutzpa, they don't cancel the interview but just get on with it with kid in tow. I think this is actually impressive.

[Fishcakey]

I had kids before my friends and the friends had zero interest in my DS and I always met them without him with me. Now they have their own I am supposed to want to see their kids and I end up never seeing said friends because I just don't enjoy the company of small children. They should remember how they felt! Nothing is more irritating than someone's small person on a lunch date.

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

On the 'why are their husbands incapable of childcare?' - DH is absolutely capable of looking after DS. In fact, he does it quite a bit more than me during the week and he's at home with DS every school holiday, which is one of the reasons I don't go out on my own at the weekend very often, as I know it means he can't do the same, and if he's been alone with a toddler for five days it feels mean to make it six. Again, obviously I'd feel very differently if I were a SAHM and so the situation was reversed.

[Dontsweatthelittlestuff]

Doesn’t get any better as now my circle of friends have all got adult children and even grandchildren so they turn up with grandchild in tow.

Yes it is nice that they want to offer childcare to their dc but don’t presume that I also want to have coffee and cake with a couple of toddlers.

[CripsSandwiches]

I would definitely leave DC with DH if I could. I can't imagine why a teen would even want to come?

[themuttsnutts]

Totally with you, op. I see coffee with a friend as a bit of adult company and boring for the kids, anyway

[Whattodoabout]

YANBU. They aren’t single parents with no support, they have husbands/partners who can care for the children. I could understand bringing a small baby along who still needs BFing and would probably just sleep throughout but I don’t see why a 13 year old would be dragged along.

[MumofTinies]

Why don't you try and meet up with your friends on an evening? As others have said your friends may not want to leave thier children home at the weekends.

[Racmactac]

God if I told my ds 12 or ds14 that I was going to meet some friends they'd be horrified at the thought of coming with me.

They'd roll their eyes and say no your alright mum I'll see you later.

[Gallivespian]

There’s a real pervasive need round here to make everywhere both child and dog friendly.

Around here, that's because it makes more money -- I know our village pub, formerly a rather traditional environment and doing badly enough to have several leasees in the seven years I've lived here, is now thriving precisely because of allowing dogs, and actually targeting families by putting on child-centred things.

Presumably there are significant numbers of people who want to go to places where they can take children and dogs. It will piss off other people, inevitably.

[AmICrazyorWhat2]

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

Because you have such boring lives, not!

Comments like that say more about the author than the rest of us.

[Footiefan2019]

I mean not art classes for kids, evening art classes with really distinguished speakers coming in etc for adults of a decent standard. But now with 10 or so kids playing on iPads in the background .

[Footiefan2019]

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I disagree. There’s a real trend where I live of literally never putting your baby down. Sling wearing exercise classes and boot camps, art classes where kids are welcome, a local pub got slated on Facebook recently because they were showing a football derby and adults were shouting at the tv and it scared one woman’s small child. Here’s an idea, don’t bring a smal child to a pub on a Saturday to watch a derby ? There’s a real pervasive need round here to make everywhere both child and dog friendly.

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

@AmICrazyorWhat2 I think she was targeting childfree parents with that particular little snipe about people's love lives. After all, that's all we have to talk about because we not have the full ams rounded lives that parents do

[Footiefan2019]

I totally understand not leaving a baby or even a toddler. But a school ages child when there’s a parent at home they can be left with is baffling. Do people not WANT time with a friend - not a colleague, partner or family member - just friendship you can offloaf/moan with/have a laugh with ? One of my friend invites her partner and 6yo everywhere. They came to the second day of a two day hen do and joined in the activity we were doing. Thankfully it was a fun outdoor activity and not pole dancing. Everyone was baffled but no one says anything . It’s like some People think they just love their kids and partners MORE than everyone else lives theirs, and therefore everyone else must enjoy spending time with them too.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Today's parents do seem to be surgically attached to their children until they're 21 and expect others to be fascinated and thrilled by them

I disagree, in fact Id say its seemingly a race to be the most detached parent, i.e. holidaying without your children, working and socialising to the point of not seeing them in the day, telling yourself happy mum happy baby.