Small chocolate bar

[SoapOperaFamily]

Who is BU here? We have a houseful of family today. DD went to the shops and offered to buy everyone a packet of sweets. Person A asked for a small chocolate bar, Person B said they didn’t want anything. DD got home and handed out the sweets. Person B asked Person A if they could break their bar of chocolate into 2 and give them a piece. Person A said they would like to eat this particular bar themselves, but there was more chocolate in the cupboard. Person B said they wanted a piece of Person A’s chocolate in particular. Person B was told they could have ordered their own bar if they wanted one, but Person B wanted a piece of Person A’s chocolate because they didn’t want a whole bar. Words were exchanged on both sides. Should Person A have shared, or should Person B have ordered their own bar?

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated it's not odd, it's a product of socialising females to believe that having an appetite post puberty is unfeminine.

If someone called me that in my house I would ask them to leave immediately.

Head over to Stately Homes threads if you haven’t already!

It's not always virtue signalling, eating disorders or or competitive undereating, but the fact that many pubs and restaurants serve such massive portions that it simply does not occur to many people that anyone could eat a whole main course, whole side and a whole pudding, which could easily contain more than a days calories in one meal.

So in our minds, we'd be quite happy with a main and half a portion of chips and half a dessert so think other people would too, so see it as a way of not overeating, not eating until we feel sick or not wasting food.

So I might suggest that I share sides or puddings, but would never assume or get nasty with anyone that refuses. Then I'd do without, take a doggy bag, or leave what I don't want.

I HATE PERSON B!!! People that do this give me the absolute rage! Person B is being VVVVVVV unreasonable and I hope person A told them where to go!

Like if you don’t want the whole bar then just eat half and give half away? Or save it for later? Don’t just say you want nothing and then expect to be given some of someone else’s. Ahhhh. (Sorry. I’m a pig and this makes me furious)

EleanorShellstrop100

You and I should be friends

I still want to know what chocolate bar it was 😂

I feel for person X, OP's DD, in all this!

She has lovely generous instincts and did a kind thing doing the sweetie run, taking everyone's orders and distributing it all.

Her reward is having to watch her DGM attempt to manipulate and then verbally abuse her DM. I wouldn't blame her for never offering again!

DH used to do that trick of taking the whole top off a toddler's ice cream, leaving them sobbing and then scolding them for being upset. He would swoop on their plates at mealtimes and once swiped DD's food saying, "You're clearly not going to eat that," while she wailed, "That was my best that I was saving till last!"

The DC all learned to bolt their food with one eye on their DF. Way to inculcate eating disorders!

The only person I share tastes with is my very DS who is diabetic and always asks for a 'tiny corner'. I used to feel a spurt of annoyance but I have smothered it in the love I feel for her and she really does only ever want the smallest taste.

Nobody else gets my food!

Well obviously this is about more than the chocolate bar but yes, your mum was in the wrong.

Reminds me of ordering Chinese food as a teenager at a sleepover. One of my friends ordered crispy duck. Second friend helped themselves to half of it as "We eat this as a starter in our house" despite having her own dish ordered (that she did not share). Friend whose crispy duck it was and I just watched her stabbing fork after fork of duck like this It's probably been 20 years now and it still winds me up to think about it. And it wasn't even my food

This thread has filled me with fury

Limpshade that reminds me of my sister who, when we ordered Chinese at my mum's, took and unpacked all the takeaway and while doing so took all the prawns out of my DD's prawn chow mein to give to her DD for whom she'd only ordered plain boiled rice. She was absolutely outraged when I asked where the prawns came from and why my absolutely bereft looking DD had no prawns in her prawn chow mein because "Your kids eat anything and mine is fussy. Children should learn to share, I thought your children would be good at sharing as you have 3"

She made a big song and dance of returning a couple of prawns for which my mother praised her and somehow she was the wonderful one sharing (sharing my DD's food, not hers) and we were greedy and mean Her DD just played with the sodding prawns and they were thrown out

DH used to do that trick of taking the whole top off a toddler's ice cream, leaving them sobbing and then scolding them for being upset. He would swoop on their plates at mealtimes and once swiped DD's food saying, "You're clearly not going to eat that," while she wailed, "That was my best that I was saving till last!"

It's a nasty trick, that.

My father used to do it, too. And ifI tried to keep any sweet stuff for later (eg, my piece of cake if I was full after the savoury stuff), he would just quietly take and eat it and then shout at me if I got upset (as any small child would). I was also forced to share anything I'd left to eat later with my siblings (my father was often away - he was a ship's engineer and went to sea for a few weeks at a time, so not always there to steal my food). So if, I went to eat my piece of cake later in the evening I would have to share it into four because "they don't have any and they're only little")

The result was that learned to eat very quickly, and to consume more than I actually wanted or needed (because I was eating so quickly, and also knew that if I didn't eat any "nice" stuff then, I wouldn't get it at all). I then got called a pig.

I have slowed down my eating a lot since I got married and Learned that not everyone steals from your plate, but I still eat more quickly than most people.

It's not a skill I am proud of . . .

NearlyGranny your DH sounds properly unpleasant actually, with that whole process of stealing your children's ice-cream then shaming them for being upset.

Really whatever is going on behind the decision to do that as an adult to a child is very nasty.

SchadenfreudePersonified your father too - deeply unpleasant

I had the having to endlessly share with or make allowances for/ being understanding of/ accept having my things taken or broken by multiple younger siblings too. The killer is that it's a one way street and as the eldest you eventually twig that while you were expected to be the bigger person and rise above everything at say age 7, when your younger sibling reaches 7 you're still being told that they're too little to understand and you need to be a good big sister and give them part of your share even though they had theirs earlier/ not complain that they took or broke your things / give up your quiet reading time to entertain them because they're bored etc.

If you just want a bit the order one, eat what you like and leave the rest

But that's such a waste of money and food! Of course some places do the mini desserts with a coffee, which are often ideal for me after a starter and main course.

My ex used to ask me for a bite of something small like a blue riband or breakaway biscuit even when there was more in the cupboard. He'd call me selfish and act hurt when I said no.

What absolute entitled behaviour!!! Either buy the dessert just for a taste or bloody go without, DONT expect someone else to give up some of theirs though

I'm allowed to be entitled with my husband!

Anyway in most cases I find other people DON'T eat it all and leave half of their meal and by that time it's gone cold (if it's a main course) so you can't have any. If someone wants a chip give them one while they're still hot, don't wait until they've all gone cold and then say "oh by the way you can have a (cold) chip if you like".

In the OP's scenario the mother was being nasty but I really don't see why people can't share one measly chip (unless they're those arty farty huge ones and you only get about three, in which case, fair enough).

My mum never eats all her chips so offers me some at the outset while they are still hot.

I also agree that men usually eat proper meals and it's the women who pick at their plates (but still don't want to share!) I still remember the time I went out with my colleagues for lunch (one course) and I was the only person who finished my plate. And another time for a Christmas meal and I was the only person who ate both courses. I could have easily hoovered up everyone's left over desserts, too, but didn't because it would have been too piggy.

The killer is that it's a one way street and as the eldest you eventually twig that while you were expected to be the bigger person and rise above everything at say age 7, when your younger sibling reaches 7 you're still being told that they're too little to understand and you need to be a good big sister and give them part of your share even though they had theirs earlier/ not complain that they took or broke your things / give up your quiet reading time to entertain them because they're bored etc.

Absolutely, notnow. In fact, never mind aged 7 - this went on all of our lives. When I was 50 and my youngest sibling was 42, she was still referred to as 'just a baby", who needed to be indulged and cosseted and protected because "she was young" and I was expected to go along with the whole charade.

I was always the "sensible" one (I had to be) who had to "understand" - and I had a clever, pretty sister, an artistic, pretty sister (the baby) and a brother. I didn't stand a chance.

And yes - I was and am bitter. Even now it upsets me when I think of those wrongs of the past, pathetic as it may sound. It meant that I had nothing of my own, because it could be taken off me and given away at any moment (and usually ended up, as you say destroyed - or often given away by a sister to one of her friends). And I was never allowed to voice a protest because that was spiteful, apparently - not to want you things taken from you. (You are supposed to share with your siblings, and you HAVE to love them).

I am sure it contributed to my lifelong depression.

(Oh dear - I'm getting weepy now. Please excuse my self-pity. Some things never stop hurting.)

And thank you for the cake notnow

I'll eat half, and keep the rest for later (because I can )

Some for you, too

I have the same thing with kids and their sweets. My boy doesn’t get sweets very often so I don’t expect him to share and if his friends have sweets I say ‘it’s very kind to offer but that’s your special treat so you enjoy it’. I was the same with the bucket and spade in the sandpit. No child borrows my son spade unless they playing together. Sharing is for mean people to get more. Taking bites of other peoples pudding does not make you look healthy or slim it actually makes you look greedy because you end up with more than is your fair share. And breathe....

My mum never eats all her chips so offers me some at the outset while they are still hot.

Offering is fair enough - by all means take food if it is offered - but don't presume to start scoffing someone else's meal.

belater's mother, who took a spoonful of 11 deserts and ended up eating 6x more than she would have done had she just had one of her own is shocking (but I know people who would do the same).

Schadenfreudpersonified I totally feel for you I had two very attractive sisters and a brother. They were indulged because of their looks, he was indulged because he was the longed for boy.

I came last in everything. I didn't have a birthday party until my mid twenties, my parents never bothered and then I was away at school. I was always told, oh never mind you're the clever one' and 'boys don't make passes at girls that wear glasses' as I stared at my mother through my jam jar bottom specs. My plainness was my defining feature apparently and often commented on.

It does still hurt, doubtless it does. I am NC with some, low contact with most and I'm not honestly sure that I like most of them. I am however, stronger and a better judge of character as a result.

I'm not saying I thank them for treating me like a second class citizen, but I'm glad I'm not weak and overindulged too.

It's funny how a lot of the poor treatment centred around food. I was always told I was heavy and ate too much, had hollow legs, ate too fast. I genuinely believed I was enormous. I don't have any childhood photos but saw one a few years back and was a perfectly normal child. My father once pretended he poisoned me as he felt I had been greedy and then refused to take me to hospital after he made me believe I would die. I would have been about 8 or 9. I think my issues with food and weight will be lifelong. Food can often be used to assert dominance, it was in my family.

All these attempted justifications to do with portion size and price are basically just person B saying that they don't think person A has a good enough reason to eat all of their own food (and so they are wrong to want to), and so they (person B) has the right just to take some. It's not evil, but it's small scale CFery just like people who manipulate you into doing things for them because they've decided they want those things badly enough that any inconvenience to you is irrelevant.

Person B was asked and said they didn't want anything. Person A only has a small chocolate bar. Why should they share it with B? B is being unreasonable.