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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Small chocolate bar

352 replies

SoapOperaFamily · 17/11/2019 14:43

Who is BU here? We have a houseful of family today. DD went to the shops and offered to buy everyone a packet of sweets. Person A asked for a small chocolate bar, Person B said they didn’t want anything. DD got home and handed out the sweets. Person B asked Person A if they could break their bar of chocolate into 2 and give them a piece. Person A said they would like to eat this particular bar themselves, but there was more chocolate in the cupboard. Person B said they wanted a piece of Person A’s chocolate in particular. Person B was told they could have ordered their own bar if they wanted one, but Person B wanted a piece of Person A’s chocolate because they didn’t want a whole bar. Words were exchanged on both sides. Should Person A have shared, or should Person B have ordered their own bar?

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 17/11/2019 18:03

Your moms a twat Grin

ShinyGiratina · 17/11/2019 18:05

B is unreasonable and has a nasty attitude with it.

With desserts, DH and I often agree to share at the point of ordering with him having a bigger portion. I don't have the appetite to be worth ordering huge £5-6 desserts and they are often IBS triggers, and my digestive system won't cope beyond a few spoonfuls, so I don't want an excessive portion tempting me into making myself feel ill soon after. If sharing is mutually agreed in advance, that's fine. If I randomly changed my mind after ordering and serving, that would be unreasonable. A chocolate bar is much smaller and cheaper so that is different to the logistics of a dessert.

Acrasia · 17/11/2019 18:08

I had an ex like this, but even more annoying. I would offer him some of what I was eating he would say no, until there was only one final bite left, and then he would want it, and then argue with me when I wouldn’t give it to him. Bastard! It’s been 20 years and it still makes me a bit annoyed 😆

Letthemysterybe · 17/11/2019 18:10

I get that B is bloody annoying, but it’s hardly the crime of the century to fancy a bit of what someone else is having. I think most of my family can be ‘B’s’ sometimes, and the usual response is to say YOU’RE SO ANNOYING and then break them off a piece.

Howlovely · 17/11/2019 18:14

@Letthemysterybe - did you not see that B was OP's mum and that she called her a selfish bitch in front of the family? That would be a huge crime in my family.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/11/2019 18:14

....and I'm a chip thief, everyone's chip thief right?

You sick fucking bastard!

crispysausagerolls · 17/11/2019 18:16
  1. I would also like to know what the chocolate bar was please. These are the real questions.

  2. @Tinkobell it’s one thing to say BEFORE ordering (or not, as the case may be) pudding, “do you mind if I have a bite of yours?” And the person doesn’t mind. Although I still think this puts someone on the spot a bit and they might well mind but don’t want to feel greedy. It’s really not fucking ok to not order one and have someone else’s! If you just want a bit the order one, eat what you like and leave the rest.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/11/2019 18:19

DS recognised I was a 'crisp thief' so if you asked for a crisp he'd hook one out, suck all the flavouring off and then offer it up

That child will go far.

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 17/11/2019 18:20

It's fine is the pinching is agreed beforehand. Absolutely not fine if it's "I don't want anything. Oooooooooh. What is it you have there?"
Fuck that🖕

Hope you are ok OP. Your mum was nasty.

Summercamping · 17/11/2019 18:34

Around 15 years ago, I was holidays in the country my in-laws live in and we went out with some of their friends to a pub grub type place.

We were all getting along famously, then I spied a chocolate souffle on the dessert board. Get it, they all said, it's gorgeous, but they all declined to get their own, calories, y'knowHmm

Then they ALL got a spare spoon -SIX of them- and all tucked into my gorgeous souffle. I barely got a mouthfulSad

Did I mention it was a decade and a half ago?

marvellousnightforamooncup · 17/11/2019 18:37

Tinkobell, get in the sea.

FungusTheToegyman · 17/11/2019 18:39

*I WANT TO EAT THE WHOLE DESERT

Won't that be a little dry?*

Ha ha, yes it would - spelling fail 🤦‍♀️

TheHootiestOwl · 17/11/2019 18:43

@Tinkobell but why?

If you want something then order your own. If you don’t want it all then leave what you don’t eat.

But stealing other people’s food is just fucking annoying, so stop it. If you wanted it you should have bought it.

Babybel90 · 17/11/2019 19:56

B sounds like my mum, “I’ll just have a bit of yours” err no you won’t, I want all of mine Hmm

I don’t understand why the Bs of the world don’t just order what they want and leave a bit for later.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 17/11/2019 20:16

I share desserts with people all the time, and my family are very much of the "would you like a taste of this?" school, but the thing is, it's up to the person who ordered the thing to offer (or everyone to agree in advance to share). You can't just go saying you don't want any and then demanding some of other peoples food, especially not if you're going to swear at them if they say no!

willieversleep · 17/11/2019 20:21

@Tinkobell it's not about a little of something sweet - it's about entitlement to something that is someone else's (that was offered to you but you declined)

BarbedBloom · 17/11/2019 20:23

I HATE it when people do this and I refuse to share with them on principle.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 17/11/2019 20:42

and I'm a chip thief, everyone's chip thief right?

I’m reporting you to MNHQ, because you’re either extremely evil or a troll. puts arm around plate of chips and holds fork at the ready

ToPlanZ · 17/11/2019 21:19

Oh god a female relative does this. She always order miniscule amounts like a single starter as a main and no starter and dessert and then poaches off everyone's plate.

She likes to look virtuous and is extremely tight so doesn't want to pay for much. The last meal out with her for my birthday a few years ago was an absolute car crash. When the order for starters was taken she actually stated I'm not ordering I will just have some of all of yours. My patience finally expired and I told her loudly that I order my food to eat myself and I do not want to share it.

Don't get me wrong I don't mind sharing food with someone polite who also shares but it was her sheer entitlement that she expected everyone else's needs to come second to her own.

Same meal she physically shoved me away from my plate elbowing me hard in the process because I'd had the temerity to start my main before she photographed it. It's no wonder I'm NC. Feeling your pain OP.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/11/2019 22:24

Summer

I'm glad that you're not bitter . . . Grin

middlemuddle · 17/11/2019 22:54

Person B is annoying. My ex was like person B. Would never buy anything for himself but wait for you to offer him some, towards the end of our relationship I'd just scoff it and not offer. Should have bloody bought it if he wanted some. Grin

Autumntoowet · 18/11/2019 06:44

and I'm a chip thief, everyone's chip thief right?
No. I order what I want to eat.
If you want chips order your own ffs

BusterGonad · 18/11/2019 07:02

I think that it's quite controlling behavior tbh, obviously I'm not talking about the occasional chip/dessert thief but people that do it all the time, it's like a way of saying you're top dog and can do as you please.

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 18/11/2019 07:31

The odd thing is, I ever only experienced this food stealing from women.

notnowmaybelater · 18/11/2019 07:41

My mum is person B but would never call anyone a bitch.

It's bad enough without swearing at your own child (and calling your daughter a selfish bitch is unforgivable in all but the most unusual of circumstances).

About a decade ago I was at a fairly expensive restaurant with various extended family including my mother. There were 12 of us around the table. We'd all had starters and main courses - my mother ordering boiled fish with vegetables, sauce on the side, but stealing "tastes" of everyone's richer dishes - she is a virtue signalling "I eat like a sparrow, ooo I'm stuffed after eating that lettuce leaf, I don't know how you can eat all that, just a salad for me" restaurant goer.

The restaurant did those tiny taster desserts - little tiny shot glass size things, barely 2 teaspoons of content.

Everyone but my mum, who declaired herself "stuffed" ordered one.

As soon as they came she was hovering over her neighbour's with her coffee spoon ready to dive in.

She had a spoon full of all 11 - (and double dipped into everyone's Envy not envy).

Everyone who had ordered a pudding got half a pudding (because they were so tiny) and she ate FIVE AND A HALF portions!

The weird dynamic in my family is that my mother is never called out on anything, but that was the point at which I started calling her out on things - her response was that I'm "funny about food"

It's not me who's funny about food... Hmm

That incident is now famous among my children, including the one who wasn't born at the time...

It's not just about food with Person B types, though there are often food issues (my mum certainly has good issues of her own) even if they tell themselves it is simply about wanting to taste something - it's very much about control and attention. Being person B makes you the center of attention in away just ordering and eating your own food does not.