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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Small chocolate bar

352 replies

SoapOperaFamily · 17/11/2019 14:43

Who is BU here? We have a houseful of family today. DD went to the shops and offered to buy everyone a packet of sweets. Person A asked for a small chocolate bar, Person B said they didn’t want anything. DD got home and handed out the sweets. Person B asked Person A if they could break their bar of chocolate into 2 and give them a piece. Person A said they would like to eat this particular bar themselves, but there was more chocolate in the cupboard. Person B said they wanted a piece of Person A’s chocolate in particular. Person B was told they could have ordered their own bar if they wanted one, but Person B wanted a piece of Person A’s chocolate because they didn’t want a whole bar. Words were exchanged on both sides. Should Person A have shared, or should Person B have ordered their own bar?

OP posts:
WatchingFriendsOnRepeat · 19/11/2019 07:49

“JOEY DOESNT SHARE FOOD!” And neither do I (well not chocolate anyway!!!!)

Scarydinosaurs · 19/11/2019 09:55

I love my mum so would have shared it- but we all share food all the time anyway.

If someone asked me who and I thought they were a dick (and wouldn’t return the favour) I wouldn’t oblige.

browneyes77 · 19/11/2019 10:15

I stabbed him with my fork in the uni canteen in the end.

GrinGrinGrin

Elbeagle · 19/11/2019 10:16

I love my mum too. And my husband. And my IL’s. You can love someone and not want to give them your food!

ralfeesmum · 19/11/2019 10:44

Person B sounds like one of those irritating types who orders something in a restaurant but when it arrives they decide they like what you have ordered much more.

Then they poke their fork at your food and say (without waiting for a reply) "Ooh - can I just try some of that?"

Smack their hand sharply with your fork!

niugboo · 19/11/2019 10:49

Would not encourage child shared in that situation. In fact I can’t remember ever encouraging child share food.

Funguy · 19/11/2019 15:44

Oh God I hate food snaffling. A member of my DPs family always has to taste whatever her husband is eating or tells him not to eat it all, or something.
One Christmas she objected to him having a mince pie.
Its because she is always on a fucking diet.
So everyone has to eat mini bits.
One year she offered yoghurt with Christmas pudding. I said you can't eat YOGHURT with it, it would be revolting.
She looked really offended so to add to it I told her to make custard which she did not, not that I thought she would.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 19/11/2019 16:20

Person B is a manipulative toxic bitch.

@Tinkobell everyone you've done this to in a restaurant (except for the sainted) quietly seethes and loathes your guts for stealing (because that's what it is) their much wanted pudding. Have you noticed your invitations dropping away by any chance? And no, only CFs are chip nickers. Take a long hard look at yourself 

@Emmak789 you can sod off as well - it was a SMALL bar of chocolate. "Greedy guts" is the kind of shaming, rude and toxic language used by these narcissistic Bpeople to get what they want. Horrible.

Harls1969 · 19/11/2019 17:40

Person A (me) does not share food. Unless I don't actually want it or there's a vast amount that I'll not be able to eat (both of these possibilities are very unlikely)! Person B is a twat.

Tinkobell · 19/11/2019 17:54

There’s A lot of hatred on this thread, a lot of anger that goes way way above a ruddy chocolate bar, chips, pudding or anything else. Forgot to say I share and share alike, it’s not one way. Hope people saying bitch and so forth over this ‘mega’ issue go get some support or anger management support.

TheNestedIf · 19/11/2019 17:58

@MakeupCheeseFogg

I stabbed him with my fork in the uni canteen in the end. I bought some chips, saved the biggest for last, next thing this fucker was reaching over for one, looking me straight in the eye, this smug little smile on his face. In my memory it all happened in slow motion, but I'm sure it didn't. Anyway, I was on my period, starving, and lost it, so I sort of growled at him and stabbed his hand.

^^

TheNestedIf · 19/11/2019 18:03

@Tinkobell Yes, there is. So take it on board and leave other people's food alone. If you still want to offer them a portion of yours, nobody is stopping you.

meercat23 · 19/11/2019 18:06

My Mum was a bit like this. She had eating disorders and so didn't eat sweets. Except that she did. As a child I didn't even get to eat even the smallest bar of chocolate myself until I was old enough to buy my own. Smile

notnowmaybelater · 19/11/2019 18:11

Tinkobell of course it goes beyond chips and chocolate. Taking people's food is always about far more than food - lack of respect (or utter contempt) for the person you're taking from, asserting a pecking order, dominating, humiliating...

You'll say it's not, because you haven't thought in any depth about why you do it and wouldn't want to admit it to yourself if you did.

Food is always about more than food and has been throughout human history - people don't eat in restaurants or cook Christmas dinner to satisfy basic nutritional needs, food and eating always has meaning on multiple levels for humans.

TheNestedIf · 19/11/2019 18:15

I'd suggest that, more often than not, it's a lack of consideration before we even get into the more actively malicious stuff.

And that's bad enough in itself. I think everyone hopes they're deserving of some consideration.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 19/11/2019 18:23

@Tinkobell there you go, trying to justify your stealing other people's food that they have paid for and want to enjoy as if it's totally crazy for us to be angry about it. Just as self absorbed as the Mum in the OP.
It pisses people off! What's so hard to accept about that fact? That you are in the wrong as shown by all the replies on this thread. You just keep telling yourself it's us, not you. Sure.

TheNestedIf · 19/11/2019 18:29

It's not even about the money. I can easily afford to buy people dinner. It's that I love food but I restrict a lot because I can't consume that many calories without becoming overweight, which I find more miserable and uncomfortable than restricting my intake. When I do choose to eat extravagantly, I want all of the food I have chosen and have been looking forward to. Not half of what I wanted and a bit of someone else's half masticated meal.

Ellmau · 19/11/2019 18:48

The wold is clearly divided into As and Bs.

Tinkobell · 19/11/2019 19:04

Ok so just asked ds16 his view ...mildly annoying when there’s little to share. The problem is the chocolate bar was ‘small’ which I get ...but when someone’s got a shed load of stuff and you ask first it’s not a big deal surely?

Tinkobell · 19/11/2019 19:05

I don’t steal other people’s food that they’ve paid for 😂

category12 · 19/11/2019 19:06

But why would you regularly say no to treats/desserts and then go back on it and ask for some of someone else's?

iklboo · 19/11/2019 19:11

@Tinkobell

B was asked if she wanted chocolate. She specifically said no

A gets small chocolate bar. B says 'give me half'. A says no, but there's loads of others in the cupboard.

B refuses all other chocolate. She wants half of A's and ONLY half of A's. She then calls A a 'selfish bitch'.

Can you not see the problem with that?

Bluntness100 · 19/11/2019 19:16

I think that if the reason isn't financial, then often people feel they shouldn't have the calories, so they virtue signal by not ordering, but when it comes to it, their natural greed takes over and they really want the food.

And very bizzarely they do feel entitled to it. And they know the person they are taking from is often too polite to say please don't.

So they can walk away from the table, feeling good they didn't have the pudding, chips or whatever, and give not a flying fuck about the person who's food they stole so they could satiate their greed, and still feel good about themselves.

Every single person who is on the receiving end of this treatment always thinks "what an utter twat".

TheNestedIf · 19/11/2019 21:08

I'm not even sure it's virtue signalling to not order, to be honest. That implies they care about what other people think. They don't. That's why they take your food in the first place and that's why they try to continue to justify it even when directly told, as on this thread, how much it upsets people.

Every single person who is on the receiving end of this treatment always thinks "what an utter twat".

Couldn't agree more on that, though.

OlaEliza · 20/11/2019 07:53

@Tinkobell There’s A lot of hatred on this thread, a lot of anger that goes way way above a ruddy chocolate bar, chips, pudding or anything else. Forgot to say I share and share alike, it’s not one way. Hope people saying bitch and so forth over this ‘mega’ issue go get some support or anger management support

And how many take some of yours as opposed to grudgingly whatever you may think giving you some of theirs?