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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think I should be included in the family Secret Santa?

66 replies

UnderHisEyeBall · 17/11/2019 10:21

Just that really. I'm not going to my parents' for Christmas this year as I will be going to the ILs. My manipulative sister has taken it upon herself to declare that I can't be part of the family Secret Santa because of this on the family WhatsApp. My parents have nothing to say on the matter.

AIBU? She's a cow bag right?

OP posts:
Sparklyring · 17/11/2019 10:23

Yeah that's awful. Is there a back story?

Lockheart · 17/11/2019 10:25

Do you have to do secret Santa? Why not just buy everyone a gift like normal?

Butterymuffin · 17/11/2019 10:25

Message straight back 'That's not very in the Christmas spirit, is it? I'll be there Boxing Day (or whenever you will be) so I'll get mine then'

Original poster
UnderHisEyeBall · 17/11/2019 10:27

It is quite a large family and we are all quite happy with Secret Santa for adults. I organised it last year.

Back story is my sister is the favourite golden child who can do no wrong and is a manipulative bitch to boot.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 17/11/2019 10:30

I assume you could give your gift to someone else to take on Christmas day? We only do Secret Santa when we are all together (we aren't doing it this year as not everyone will be there) but I wouldn't exclude someone without asking them.

MRex · 17/11/2019 10:36

Does it really matter? Secret Santa is usually just a tiny thing, no? If you're very keen then just say you'll post the gift to your mum and collect yours on Boxing day.

IggyAce · 17/11/2019 10:45

You’re sister is after an argument so she can moan to your dps how unreasonable you are. Don’t rise to it just ignore (she’ll hate that) and just spend the money you would have on the secret Santa on a gift for yourself.

iolaus · 17/11/2019 10:47

If it's secret santa in that each of you draws a name and that is your present from the family - you should be included

If on the day you each bring a small present and pick them at random - only people there on the day are included

charm8ed · 17/11/2019 11:00

I think Secret Santa only works well if people are all together when opening the presents.

holidays987 · 17/11/2019 11:20

If you're not there on the day then it is reasonable that you're not included this time.

My extended family play secret Santa on Xmas day. Only with the people who will be there. Its pretty relaxed.

NameChangeNugget · 17/11/2019 11:25

What’s the point, if you’re not going to be there?

Ponoka7 · 17/11/2019 11:25

So if you were included, would that make the numbers uneven or vis versa?

How does it work?

I can see that it does mean that you won't get a gift from someone in your family, but as you have a DP/I laws, I think you should ignore the drama that she wants.

Original poster
UnderHisEyeBall · 17/11/2019 11:25

I have told them I will send it.

My sister has argued that is not possible.

I have told them I will send it and my other sister has piped up I should be included. My parents are still silent on the matter Hmm.

OP posts:
wildhairdontcare · 17/11/2019 11:30

Your sister is excluding you as a power trip.

Thehop · 17/11/2019 11:32

Be just as childish as she is

“Right, ds says I should and so do I. 2 against one so I’m in!”

Original poster
UnderHisEyeBall · 17/11/2019 11:33

Your sister is excluding you as a power trip.

Yep. She's a cunt. What is upsetting is that my parents are ok with her doing this.

OP posts:
charm8ed · 17/11/2019 11:33

Do you normally buy a separate present for your parents as well as doing the secret Santa ?

Havaina · 17/11/2019 11:34

I would not let sis win on this. Don't wait for your parents to respond, call them and cry on the phone at being excluded!

Figtt fire with fire!!

EL2019 · 17/11/2019 11:36

Knock the wind out of her sails, show it doesn’t bother you.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be own Secret Santa and will spend the £X on me and really treat myself! See you all Boxing Day”.

NoSquirrels · 17/11/2019 11:37

Is it just a one present for adults in the family thing? So you’ll just get 1 present? If so, yes that’s mean.

Otherwise if it’s a on-the-day extra then meh, who cares?

Agree with your nice sister to swap presents and ignore your parents and non-nice sister?

OneDay10 · 17/11/2019 11:37

embarrasse and shame her, ask her to explain why. Ask her is this what the spirit of xmas is about? Why would she want to exclude a family member. Ask her those uncomfortable questions so everyone can hear what a nasty cow she is.

Original poster
UnderHisEyeBall · 17/11/2019 11:45

Yes, it is just one present for each person in the family. No additional presents from parents no.

OP posts:
isspacethefinalfrontier · 17/11/2019 11:48

I would say that a secret santa is only for those who are there.

Nanna50 · 17/11/2019 11:48

As a pp said be your own secret Santa and buy yourself something lovely and save the postage costs [santa]

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/11/2019 11:48

Yes she's on a power trip
Yes your parents are enabling her and probably just want to keep the peace

Either ignore her (which would sting her , she wants a bunfight)
or message back "Who died and made you Queen" with rolled eyed emoticon. (Obviously don't do this if someone has just died ) Xmas Blush