to think I should be included in the family Secret Santa?

[UnderHisEyeBall]

Just that really. I'm not going to my parents' for Christmas this year as I will be going to the ILs. My manipulative sister has taken it upon herself to declare that I can't be part of the family Secret Santa because of this on the family WhatsApp. My parents have nothing to say on the matter.

AIBU? She's a cow bag right?

Reading this has made me really glad that I'm an only child.

OP - YANBU. Your sister definitely sounds like an utter cowbag. I hope you have a lovely Christmas at your ILs and that you get lots of lovely presents!

If you're not in the Secret Santa then everyone will have to buy a separate present for you, yes?

She's being a dick.

OP, have you forgotten about the other thread you started today?

Only it has 128 posts and you haven't answered any of them.

just explain that someone can send yours anonymously and you can send theirs. problem solved! i would also go round to your parents and just ask them "why arent you saying anything?" and aim to get an actual answer from them.

@WorraLiberty . This thread is going better for you Op!

If the whole presenting each other with gifts happens with everybody there then yes, YABU. People not being there - even if you've sent it in - spoils the 'occasion' of it.

I have told them I will send it.
My sister has argued that is not possible.

I'd argue back very pedantically: "Oh yes it is possible. There is Royal Mail and there are courier companies. I could even bring it myself before the day. So it is possible."

Yes, it is just one present for each person in the family. No additional presents from parents no.

Like I say, message back and say “Sorted - me and Nice Sis will pick each other’s names and swap presents, and the rest of you can do random names. Then everyone’s included but you don’t need to stress about posting stuff if that’s the problem?”

My parents have nothing to say on the matter.

AIBU? She's a cow bag right?

Why is your sister to blame when your parents aren’t saying anything? Is the SS just between your parents and sisters or are there others involved?

Omg @WorraLiberty I hadn't made the connection!

No idea where this other thread is, can't find it.

But I would be replying back going 'easy to see who the favourite is, isn't it mum and dad?' and then not visiting on Christmas at all.

Your parents being silent is worse really, they are agreeing with her. So they don't want to include one of their own children at Christmas. No matter what age you are, that kind of rejection is hurtful. They should have told her to shut up and grow up. It's quite obvious how you would get the present there, post or deliver it yourself. Is she that dim she can't figure that out?

If you won’t be there you don’t need to be included.

buy your own present - you get something you want, don't have to feel guilty buying it, don't have to angst over what to get someone else.

• win win

We do secret Santa at our Christmas meal at work. Don't want to come to meal, don't have to do secret Santa (again - win win... )

You could ask your mil to deliver it for you. Oh!...that’s right....oopsie.

Could she be upset because you refused to share a twin room with her at any point?

Lockheart because that's not THEIR normal is it? Pretty weird thing to say really.

If you "send" it, the person who takes delivery of it will know it's from you, so it won't be a secret and will miss the point of "Secret Santa". We only ever do it with people who will be there on the day.

Personally for me this isn’t a hill to die on and I know what it is to have a toxic sibling. She’s trying to reel you in to fight you. By fighting back, you are also right fighting. It’s exactly what she wants because she knows mummy and daddy back you up.

Step back and see the stupid game for what it is. If you really must, do what others have said and buy yourself something really great, better still if it is something your dh brought back as a surprise and post it on the WhatsApp group. I wouldn’t bother. Grey rock.

Sis, I am a bit sad you say I shouldn't do secret santa.
Can I just confirm, that if next year you go stay with your partners family, then you will be excluded?

If the point of Secret Santa is opening gifts together and trying to guess the giver, etc, then I can see why they might think you're not attending means you wouldn't be involved. But it's just as likely your parents don't want to get involved in an argument about Christmas presents.

It all sounds so petty.

OK, I AS because of Worra's comment 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tbh OP, based on these 2 threads alone you have a problem with your sister, your parents, your MIL...

If you meet one asshole, it's them. If everyone you meet is an asshole... it's you.

Personally I would agree that Secret Santa only really works when people are there. You could, however, get a present for the sister who thinks you should be included?

So on your other thread your MIL is controlling, but on this thread you expect your parents to step in and sort out a disagreement between adults? What's the difference in your mind between controlling and unsupportive, OP, because it's hard to see from your threads.

I think that's mean we always do a secret Santa and if someone can't be there they get it left for them and collect at some point over the holiday and it keeps the surprise still.

Rise above it. Opt out and buy yourself something nice instead.

Engineer it so you end up being your sister's secret Santa and get her 2 nights away in a twim hotel room with one of your parents. Then put a link on the family whatsapp to a thread about how grim she is.