Aibu nightmare child in dd class

[mussymummy]

So will try to keep this brief, dd was at nursery for 3 years with child, let's call him Bob who physically hurt her and other kids from age 2 when he bit another boy in the face. Nursery did not do enough (they have admitted this since) and the mother keeps making excuses for her darling Bob.
So now they are both in P1 in same class, I did request a class change for my dd but did not happen. He is a nightmare, punching kids in face, at afterschool club he has bitten and kicked one of the workers, his mum still refuses to accept responsibility for him and makes excuses
So this week he told my 5yo dd he was goin to kill her mummy and daddy as we slept. Cue tears, my heart breaking as my dd made me lock every window and door in house as she followed me doing it. She woke 3 times.that night (always sleeps right through) convinced child of chucky was trying to break in.
Ladies what do I do? The mother (aged in 40's with 2 older teenage ds) refuses to do anything about his behaviour because she has already raised 2 sons and there is nowt wrong with them.
I am struggling to know how to handle this. I spoke to the school who told me they have a behaviour plan in place for Bob and the last time I contacted the mum directly it did not go well (when we thought dd had a broken nose after Bob smacked her in face with toy car, there was lots of blood)
Any advice on next steps / how I handle this would be much appreciated

It’s been 3 years

Assuming the nursery filled in the appropriate paperwork. Could have been only a few weeks since September.

@PlumMustard and @LolaSmiles

We have an X.

His parents will stand there denying he has done whatever. Even if he did it in front of them.

One hilarious time was when a school mum had gone to speak to X's mum after X's mum had screamed and shouted at her kid for "upsetting her boy" (untrue).
X stood behind his mum and was giving the fingers. The woman told X's mum and her reply was "No he isn't."
Woman said, "He is. He's standing behind you right now sticking two fingers up at me!"
X"s Mum just kept repeating "No he isn't!" And that was it. She wouldn't even look around. The mum just shook her head and walked away muttering, "crazy bitch."

I would look for another school.

Do not talk to the parents, that rarely goes well

Did in my day, we had a bob in our class and every time he kicked or punched another kid my Dad did it to his Dad not only did he leave the school, they left the town.

In defence of schools - most schools can not afford a TA for each class, and if a TA is used exclusively for one kid then there are two or three other kids who could benefit from support losing out.

It’s also incredibly difficult to find TAs who are prepared to work with challenging children - the pay is crap and you can be hit, punched, sworn at and have to clean up wee and poo for pretty much minimum wage. In our school, a TA lasted all of an hour and a half. So even if by some miracle you get a 1:1 in an EHCP, trying to find and retain that staff member is easier said than done. And in small schools, there just isn’t the staff to cover for breaks etc.

@Instagrump

That is exactly what X's mum would have done.

I love their new school. They're in their second year there now. There is a 'challenging' kids in the class, but the whole way it's dealt with is different, I'll call him Y.
Y hit DD. After school teacher mentions it, but says DD is fine and they are going to keep a close eye to ensure it doesn't happen again. Next morning smile and say hello to Y's mum as usual, she comes up to me, apologises, says she has spoken to Y. She's so apologetic she's nearly in tears, I assure her it's all fine and not to worry. She says they are getting outside help for Y, but improvements in behaviour are taking a while and he still has slips. DD and Y are really friendly at school. We all play at the park all the time as they live on the next street. Not a big dealt and swiftly dealt with.
Total opposite, both teachers and parents than the old school.

DH and I have so often said how glad we are that we moved.

@GreenTulips why has it taken 3 years?

@Chocolateandchats the Police won’t get involved in issues with five year olds. The age of criminal responsibility is ten. I’d be more inclined to report the issues to children’s social care along the lines of there may be issues at home causing the boy to behave like this. I’d also be involving the local education authority. I remember having an issue with a boy punching my son at school when they were about 7. We tried all the “tell a teacher” advice, none of which worked. I then went to see the head and told her that I’d told my son to make a fist and punch the other boy back as hard as he could next time he hit my son. There were no more problems after this happened once. Feral kids are a nightmare to deal with.

@Cornish2 Me too, with a 'Bob' from my Y1 class. My dad apparently told the teacher that if things didn't stop, he would have to sort it out himself with Bob's dad. Seemed to fix the problem (for me anyway).

Things were different in the 80s...

Isn't it funny that as soon as you tell a teacher that you've told your child to punch the bully every time they hit yours, something actually gets done to stop it? Very odd that suddenly the teacher is able to stop the bully from hurting your child whereas he or she is powerless (or should I say, blind, deaf and dumb to it) before that?

DS was badly bullied in Reception (contributed to the development of selective mutism), and teachers refused to believe it because he was about twice the size of his bully. If I had told him to hit back, because of the difference in size and physical strength, DS would have been blamed.

I taught him to yell - at the top of his voice - 'Stop doing that!' and told the teacher that was the plan. As they started to hear these shouts from every corner of the classroom and outdoor area, they started to realise how frequently the problem occurred and the bully realised they could no longer get away with it.

It also made DS feel that there was something that he knew was 'right' and 'within the rules' [very rule-bound child, to the extent that autism was frequently suggested] to stop what was happening to him.

Didn't work in the next class up with the next bully - we home educated then moved in the end.

@Yetanotherwinter Childrens social Care sounds like a better option. I thought that mentioning police would make the school act faster but your approach is better. My experience of bullying was in secondary school so I guess it’s very different with little ones.

SEN aside, most bullying I've seen is down to poor parenting. We have one in our class at the moment. He is a nightmare all round. His mum was called in and she was seen shouting and screaming at the teachers. How on earth are they supposed to deal with him if she won't even acknowledge that he is badly behaved.

SEN aside, most bullying I've seen is down to poor parenting. We have one in our class at the moment

Yep - and in my experience bullies get the resources over the bullied and over quiet and unproblematic children who don't rock the boat.

Our local village school (40 kids), used to take in all the 'challenging' kids from our area, so it ended up being hell for the other kids.
Don't know if the school got more money for it, but it was a horror show and parents stopped sending kids in.
It closed a few years later as it got a reputation for having 'crazy kids'.
Pity, as it was in a lovely setting with it's own forest school.