To get the rage when my parents ask what I want as a gift then ignore it

[getgoingnowshowing]

So my Parents do this every Christmas and birthday to me, my DH and my DS. What is the point in asking what type of thing you'd like if you intend to take no notice? It's not a budget thing, as I usually ask for something not particularly high cost. Or they say we are looking to spend £100 on DS (only grandchild) what would he like? Or give us a list of ideas. They never buy anything I suggest.

When DS was turning one they asked what we wanted them to get him. I asked for a play kitchen, he had all the food and bits already. It was a wooden hape one about £60 I suggested, but they could of got something similar like the IKEA one. They said it "wasn't appropriate" So he didn't get that.
I suggested I'd like slip on slippers last year for Christmas when they asked. I sent a pic of the type of style and said don't mind on colour, material, brand. Nothing unusual, so could of got anywhere. I got given a steam mop, not a cheap one either it cost £130 from Lakeland.

Same for DH on his birthday, I said he could do with a leather belt, said size, plain black or brown , M&S type thing. They got him a £50
toaster. We have a lovely toaster already, works not old, good brand. So now we have a spare toaster.

Grrr I don't want to be ungrateful, but I told them I don't need anything for Christmas this year. My mum has been endlessly asking and texting me for ideas, but again she won't be getting anything from DS' list I sent over. Why do they do this? They aren't old old, they regularly go to a large shopping centre for a days shopping, plus do online shopping/ use amazon.

YABU.

Sorry. Annoying, but gifts are entirely in the entitlement of the giver. Just let it go. No rage.

How odd! That's really irritating, when they ask can you say o point telling you, you completely ignore me?

And YANBU!

I’m sorry but it’s quite amusing to read but I would be really frustrated with this too.
To be fair though luckily both sides of my family are of the same opinions that we just buy for our little unit (ie the kids and partners).
Me being me I would do the same back to them. Ask them what they would like and then go completely off course and act all excited when you dead pan stare at them while they open.
Or gift them the toaster. If you’re that brave.

If/When they ask what you want, refuse to provide ideas. Just stop playing their game.

"Just get us something we can sell Mum, because you never get us anything we ask for"!😉

I think I would say to them
I'm not sending a list because you always ignore it
And see what happens.

You asked for a belt and got a toaster?! In whose world is that normal?!

Bloody weird. And yes I'd regift them that toaster!

My MIL is the same. We buy something from her Amazon wishlist, usually Cath KIdston, we refer her to ours when she asks but she never bothers. I love books and on my wish list there is a wide range of prices, non fiction, but I always have war type romances from the Works from her?

Next time they ask if just say “what are you asking me for? The last few things I’ve suggested you’ve just ignored?” But then I have limited patience for this kind of crap.

gifts are entirely in the entitlement of the giver.

Gifts are at the discretion of the giver. Is that what you mean?

"Thanks, Mum. I don't mind at all what you get me this year, but please keep the receipt."

I used to ask for book tokens (remember them?) as a child and young adult, as I was and still am a bookworm. I rarely got any though, I used to be so disappointed when I got something else.
These days I'm a lot more laid back, and just say thank you and re-gift if I get something that I really don't like.

My DH asks me what I want and then gets something similar but not exactly what I asked for. Infuriating!

I don't usually ask what they want. Maybe it is revenge ? Although last year I did ask my Dad if my Mum needed anything. This approach cost me dearly, and she ended up with a lovely gift of a very expensive posh handbag she wanted. She was really pleased. I would never buy myself something like that and I wasn't keen to buy it for her as it was a lot of money. But don't worry my Dad was contributing towards it, make sure it was a surprise and he made sure I put his name on it too. But he never contributed and it's one of those awkward thing to chase your Dad for money at Christmas. He's not exactly senile, he still works and has all the latest tech.

This would annoy me too, it’s such a weird power play - “I’m going to ignore what you’d like because I know better!” Have you actually said that you’re not giving suggestions this year since they never follow them? Their response should be interesting. I’ve bought people hundreds of things I don’t like over the years. Because to my mind a present is about what the receiver would like, not me, so it doesn't matter if it isn't my taste.

My mum dies this as she prefers quantity over quality. I would rather have one nice £50 present than 5 shite £10 bits of crap. Or if you say I’d like x she’ll try and buy you a cheap version of it rather than what you actually want.

I asked for Vera wang princess perfume (£15ish in semi Chem) I was given a massive bottle of Charlie red as it was £5 cheaper....I have never worn Charlie red and don’t particularly like it. It’s kind of like any old shots will do as long as it’s similar.

My Mum does this, she asked what DD 16 wanted for Christmas, so I suggested a few bits. She phoned to tell me she’s bought her a briefcase instead..that’s going to go down well

Weird power play

I hadn't thought of that, but yes I guess it could be. My Dad attempts to be quite controlling, and it's my Mum asking. I'm the rebel of the family, so I take no notice, I'm so used to it I think he just has an opposite opinion on everything just to annoy me.

I would rather one nice quality gift than lots of tut. Same for DS, we can't store masses of toys or toasters.

@Coughsyrupsucks brief case 😂

I would tell them because it’s definitely not the budget thing. It’s more like your suggestions look too simple and not suitable for a gift. And your parents have lots of ideas about how you should live your life considering mop from Lakeland and refusal to buy play kitchen

My sil is like this.. What can I get dd up to £15.. I give her 3 choices off a list. So this time I said toot toot and listed the ones she has already.. That eve I remembered my mum had picked up some so I text to Say I forgot mum got xyz ones so maybe not them but all others fine. If you have already purchased no worries in sure we can sort it.
. Her reply I got her a picnic set.

What can I get ds... A voucher for a certain store he buys his clothes.. OK.. 2 days later. I don't want to go to town what about cash.. My reply yes he's grateful for anything..
Following day.. I've brought him some knee and elbow pads for Xmas,

I was so confused as he doesn't skate, skateboard or bmx. So wouldn't have need for them so she's wastwd her money.

I ask for ideas for her dcs and we get what she suggests.. This Yr I'm choosing. Luckily I'm good at choosing so it should work out well

YANBU. I don't see the point in asking if they get something else. My mum asked what DP and I would like last year-I mentioned some household things we needed and thought that would be good and we would use. No, we got jumpers and I also got a necklace. I was really hurt as they weren't even our taste and she'd even asked! Jumpers went back.

Yanbu. I have the same problem (have written on here about my trivial mugs drama). I have no solutions. My in laws think they know better and every year I get clutter I don't need and haven't asked for.

The mop thing made me laugh though

when they ask can you say o point telling you, you completely ignore me?

I would say this every time they ask for ideas. I’d be interested to know their reply. Have they forgotten what you said? Did they forget they’d asked you? Was it too expensive? Did they think it was a boring idea? Would love to know!

How annoying for you!
They seem to prefer giving you both things for the house, so have a think if there is any kitchen equipment you actually want?
Fondue, slow cooker, breadmaker, yoghurt maker, jam thermometer, preserving jars, sausage maker, melon baller, cherry stoner, apple slicer/wedger, food dehydrator, sous vide cooker and bag sealer to go with..... (recommend sous vide!)