To get the rage when my parents ask what I want as a gift then ignore it

[getgoingnowshowing]

So my Parents do this every Christmas and birthday to me, my DH and my DS. What is the point in asking what type of thing you'd like if you intend to take no notice? It's not a budget thing, as I usually ask for something not particularly high cost. Or they say we are looking to spend £100 on DS (only grandchild) what would he like? Or give us a list of ideas. They never buy anything I suggest.

When DS was turning one they asked what we wanted them to get him. I asked for a play kitchen, he had all the food and bits already. It was a wooden hape one about £60 I suggested, but they could of got something similar like the IKEA one. They said it "wasn't appropriate" So he didn't get that.
I suggested I'd like slip on slippers last year for Christmas when they asked. I sent a pic of the type of style and said don't mind on colour, material, brand. Nothing unusual, so could of got anywhere. I got given a steam mop, not a cheap one either it cost £130 from Lakeland.

Same for DH on his birthday, I said he could do with a leather belt, said size, plain black or brown , M&S type thing. They got him a £50
toaster. We have a lovely toaster already, works not old, good brand. So now we have a spare toaster.

Grrr I don't want to be ungrateful, but I told them I don't need anything for Christmas this year. My mum has been endlessly asking and texting me for ideas, but again she won't be getting anything from DS' list I sent over. Why do they do this? They aren't old old, they regularly go to a large shopping centre for a days shopping, plus do online shopping/ use amazon.

My parents were a bit like this - well DM mostly as she did the buying. In my 20s/30s she would ask me what I wanted and then whatever I said I'd get a brooch - believe me a brooch was never on the list. She wasn't doing it to be mean, I think she just forgot. I did throw a bit of a strop the year I was looking forward to a slow cooker and instead got a frog brooch and she went out and bought me the slow cooker.

They do seem to be ok about buying specific things for DS, although DF is still moaning about the fact that DS never read the unasked for deluxe edition copy of Treasure Island even though I'd already pointed him in the direction of books that DS would actually read. This year I'd suggested to DM that she get DH a steam mop for Christmas as ddog ( that he was instigator of getting) makes floors so muddy and she got a cheap one from B&M that fell apart at first use - or at least that was DHs story.

They mostly give us cheques now which is much better .

You made me laugh though with the “glass that holds a bottle of wine”. Bil is a big wine hogger. We nearly bought him one of these once. Are you sure no one is making a passive aggressive dig at you??

Dunno, @Rubychard! They are also big wine drinkers, possibly they have some themselves to properly swirl the stuff! They’re white drinkers, we’re strictly red. Bil also sends inappropriately crude birthday cards. I’m no prude but some of his make me gasp!

I think by now, I'd gift them last years present back. If they comment, you could say something along the lines that you know they were so pleased with it that you thought they'd also like one. See how long it takes them to realise. Receiving then becomes fun as you start to enjoy watching their reactions. You can then spend "their" Christmas money buying what you want

My parents won't just give me money for some reason, probably as I'll send on what I want . They give my brother money. As far as I know he spends it on general life crap, but who understands parent logic? I have literally text my mum back saying I don't need anything. She replied you need something to open Christmas Day, there must be something you need. I won't fall for it again.

@rookiemere our steam mop didn't last long either , I think it was our hard water or our lack of domestic ability. They aren't actually brilliant if your door is dog dirty, as it just spreads it about . I think for a non pet home they would be great for a quick freshen up, but the cord is pain.

Getgoing I have a robot floor mop on my wish list this year, but it will never get bought as DPs will think it a waste of money ( and DM still hasn't quite got over the broken manual one) and DH will refuse to buy it as it's a household item . Maybe I should just treat myself.

Actually I've forgotten to mention my DMs piece de resistance. One year we were going to Disneyworld at Easter and they'd mentioned getting the tickets for us as a present. They know how to buy them as they get them for my USA cousin every year ( although she does pay them back). Instead I got a beautifully wrapped box of cling film. It was a very big box of cling film - but still ! DH got a nice shirt. She even rang me a few days later to see how I was getting on with the cling film. It's so bizarre as financially they are very generous to us.

Won't she buy you something nice from Clarins for example.

My late DM used to do this frequently. One year,she asked me what I'd like for my birthday,and I said some bath towels. She got me a toaster.

@rookiemere you win. Unless of course I get cling film this year !

At least it was useful getgoing

I hate that. They're the kind of people who only buy gifts for others that they'd like but for show, they go thru social etiquette of asking you what you'd like. It's selfish I think. I always try to but stuff that suits someone's taste or interests. Can yo ask for money or vouchers? Or just ask, why do you never buy what I ask for. Is it they can't be bothered to shop, what if you send the link to an Amazon item??

I have family like this. They give weird and odd gifts. DSis gave us 2 bright green plates shaped like a fish once. WTF? Were they for dishing up a fish supper on? If so, was it just for me and DH to have the 'special fish plates'? Were the DC to look sadly on, whilst they ate off non fish-shaped plates?

Both my mother and my ex husband did this.

In the end, I came to the conclusion that they were asking me what I wanted to make sure I DIDN'T receive what I wanted.

I also starting asking my ex husband "why do you ask me what I want and then buy me something else" and he never really could come up with an answer.

But yes, like a PP said, it's upsetting because you've asked for something you really want and if they don't buy it for you, you don't have it at all.

After a while, I just started buying myself whatever I wanted during the year, and taking the crappy gifts down to the charity shops 2 January.

My XP asked me what I wanted for Christmas some years ago.

I said 'I need a dressing gown.'

His reply? 'No you don't,' and he got me a jumper with a horrible huge design on it, that I would never wear in a million years.

I bought my own dressing gown.

Just say there no point giving you ideas, you never listen to them!"

I agree it's a power play. The only way to deal with it I think is to exchange whatever they buy for the things you told them to get when they asked what to get I the first place and who cares if they're offended they didn't worry about offending you when they said your choice wasn't appropriate!

a beautifully wrapped box of cling film

Sorry but I am howling at this! OMG.

She even rang me a few days later to see how I was getting on with the cling film

What did you say to this??

OP, I would either continue refusing to name anything, or I would name something obscure as fuck - some book that's out of print or similar, since they won't get it anyway. Let them puzzle out why you've asked for it so they can come up with a reason not to get it.

I really like @Fluffypudcats' idea of giving them what they gave you last year back: 'I thought you'd love it too!' PLEASE do this.

Butterymuffin I was as enthusiastic about the cling film as one could reasonably expect. I was telling folks at work about it at the time and they suggested that she may have hidden the Disney tickets in the box - did I mention it was one of those £7.99 big boxes - but of course no tickets there. Still it makes a good story.

Next time they ask say
"Get what you want. You will anyway"

Everyone asked my mum what my DD wanted for Christmas (not sure why they didn't ask me personally) so sent a link to a doll, and then clothes and accessories that fit the doll. She sent this on. Come Christmas, she opens doll clothes and accessories and my grandmother presents her with a game. So she had dolls clothes and accessories but no doll we all saw the funny side and we're grateful for whatever, I now say get whatever you like it doesnt matter what I ask for!

My mum however gets exactly what I ask for to the T and a few bits that I always love because she knows me and DD so well