Asked if I'm the nanny a lot

[doadeer]

... Was at baby group with DS 10 months yesterday, I was asked 3 times if I was the nanny. It's happened about 5 times before.

Is this strange?

I'm trying to think why.... I'm 29 but been told I look a bit younger and the average age of mums in my area is late 30s... Also DS is mixed race though he does look very like me.

Would you be offended if people kept asking if you were the nanny?

What sort of person goes around asking questions like this?

Just saying, me too; white mum with brown mixed race kid who looks like me but only if you look closely. And I'm not at all young either.
One nice lady said to me on station platform in very naice part of town, "excuse me, I'm worried about that child (ca. 4 yrs then, he'd wandered off a bit) - I can't see his mother anywhere."

These stories are shocking!

"when DD has called me mummy people have actually corrected her saying Don’t call your nanny mummy!"

Even if I thought someone was a nanny, I would NEVER ask them if they were. You'd be mortified if you got it wrong surely! 🤦‍♀️

I used to have this, it does feel strange. I was 26 when I had DD in an older parent area, it was a regular thing. Even though she’s a mini me! I wouldn’t be too offended - it is most likely just down to age / perceived age!

Yep, I have had this. I get asked if I am the childminder, "Do you just mind the one child?" Or I am asked if I am the DD's auntie.
When I say I am the mother, they look at me with a look of shock, confusion or pity. Some say, "Oh I didn't think..." or "So are you with the dad then?" One actually said, "I didn't think people like you had children."

I have a cleft lip and palate.

I second the casual racism thing, and it's downright bloody rude. I find a smile and a long look makes them rethink.

Kevins
That is awful, I'm outraged on your behalf

I suspect it is because you look young and fresh

AND

don't look sleep deprived enough to be a mum

when people as me if I am nanny, they generally mean grandmother. I used to look young for my age, now haggard and old.

Why are you shocked?

People are so easily shocked & offended.

People are interested in other people, ‍‍🤷🏻‍♀️ its not a bad thing.

I do the opposite at the toddler group I volunteer at; tend to assume the carer is the mum and then find out they’re the nanny.

I’ve had some odd comments over the years about my own children. DS has red hair and green eyes, and DD has very dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have light brown hair and blue eyes. When they were very small neither of them looked at all like me or each other, and I had random strangers ask me if they had different fathers (no!) or even if DD was adopted. Now they are older and their features are more defined, they look a bit more like me and each other, despite the drastically different colouring, and the comments have stopped. It was a bit of an eye-opener as to how personal strangers can be!

Would definitely prefer to be mistaken for the nanny rather than the grandma.

I mostly get mistaken for being pregnant when I am not.

I suspect it’s partly the race thing and mostly that you don’t look as tired as many mums. I can usually spot the nannies cos they have energy!

(That said I would never ask someone if they were the nanny, v weird to ask)

Another one here same as @BillyAndTheSillies and @InglouriousBasterd - my dc look like me (& same colouring) but I used to get mistaken for their nanny ALL the time. I was a young mum (20s) in one of those affluent areas where starting a family in late 30s is normal. I ended up becoming friends with two actual nannies (also in their 20s) as had more in common with them and spent time hanging with them and their charges and me and my dc. For me it was an age thing mostly. But also patronising.

Some of the stuff on this thread is v v disturbing

My husband was black (mixed) I am a blue eyed blond. No.1 son had blonde hair and green eyes, No.2 son had Titian red soft curls and grey eyes.

Caused a lot of interest when the boys were out with their dad without me. He was once challenged when standing watching the boys in an enclosed play area, presumably because all the kids looked white and that made him a paedophile.

I had 3 kids at 26
Had lots of comments too enjoy it while it lasts.

They’re now 18-24and I’m wrecked from the teen years. I’m the oldest 44 yr old I know

DD looks a completely different race to me and I've had everything from "are you the nanny" to "did you steal her"...

I had the opposite as the au pair working in Paris. The baby had ginger hair, like me. Neither parent had ginger hair, she took after her maternal grandmother.

I get this, my DC don’t look like me very much (or DH for that matter). I don’t let it get to me

Would much rather be mistaken for the nanny than the granny!

It's a compliment - take it

Nannied for many years and almost always people thought I was mum even though I'd have been 14 and popping them out (yet then had enough money to buy a 5 bedroom house and put 4 kids though private schools in London). I think when I was younger it was because I'm fat (plus working crazy hours living in) it makes you looks mumsy. I mean people were crazy enough to ask me for advice when I was 24 for crying out loud. I had one woman tell me one of the kids I looked after looked just like me and even after I explained he wasn't mine and she when actually saw his mum she said to me the next week on no he looks more like you.

Take away is people are stupid

DSD is mixed race (Filipina) and just a little older than DDs. When visiting, she has been mistaken for our Nanny on more than one occasion. It’s racism. Pure and simple. And here’s another thread where PPs claim they’re white, and it’s happened to them so therefore can’t be racism. Whatever.

People assume a lot. My Aunt has blonde hair and blue eyes..my Mum, her sister, has auburn hair and brown eyes. My Mum had me...I was blonde...and her sister had a mixed race child. People always assumed that I was my Aunt's baby and my cousin was my Mum's.