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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact dog breeder and ask him not to sell puppy to my sister?

277 replies

BJsHair · 13/11/2019 13:39

My sister (25) is autistic but very, very immature for her age (she still plays with teddy bears and watches cartoons). She lives alone and is not coping well. Does not work, barely leaves the house.

She gets obsessions. An example of her obsessions was the time she got obsessed with Ford Ka cars. So much so that she actively tried to buy one despite the fact that she doesn’t (and never will) drive. She just wanted it to sit in and decorate. She had no idea about insurance or road tax ... it was basically just to be a giant toy.

Anyway, I’m a dog breed enthusiast and my sister has now become obsessed with the same breed. I put years of research into the breed before I bought my first dog, organised dog training and socialisation classes before I got her and spent hours and hours on training. I’d had dogs before but not this breed. The breed is NOT a first time dog owner breed. In the wrong hands they can be dangerous. My sister is terrified of my dogs, has never owned a dog before yet is adamant that she is buying a puppy from this litter ... she’s going to pay her deposit on Friday. I’ve tried talking her out of it and my mum says I’m being selfish saying “why is it ok for you to have one but not her?”. They just don’t understand. AIBU to go directly to breeder and tell him not to sell her one?

OP posts:
hardyloveit · 13/11/2019 19:51

Yanbu.
I don't think some pp have read your posts correctly.
Op says her sister goes through these obsessions. This means some poor animal will be most likely neglected when the next obsession starts.

And please do not encourage a different animal. Snakes are not easy at all! We have bred this in the past and it's not just a snake in an enclosure. Temperature has to be correct, signs of stress, feeding and shedding the same with fish. You have to clean them out and make sure filters are correct. No animal deserves to be an obsession and op you are doing the right thing.

You said she still likes playing with toys. Why not show her FurReal animals or Juno the Elephant. You can train them etc and when she gets bored, it won't need to be rehomed.

Planetmuff · 13/11/2019 19:57

My daughter is autistic and has obsessions like this. She is not, and may be never capable of looking after something else with a pulse.

We have been through hamsters and cats that she longed for and then hated.

I would definitely tell the breeder, the pups needs come first. Your sister will probably develop another obsession to compensate.

There is a possibility I will get a dog with my daughter one day, she is desperate, but it will be on my terms. Some autistic people (I do not want to cast aspersions on all autistic people) are quite self-involved and selfish with there interests. My daughter included. She is absolutely fabulous and a wonderful human being but with an animal who relies on her for life and emotional health, I'm not sure.

longtimelurkerhelen · 13/11/2019 19:58

You are all right, the rabbit was a bad suggestion. Blush I would hate to think any animals would be neglected.

TheMasterBaker · 13/11/2019 20:10

I bred puppies before and a reputable breeder will take time to get to know prospective pup owners so they may even say 'no I'm sorry, you're not a good fit for one of my pups'. I turned no end of people away who wanted a pup because I didn't feel they would be able to provide the life I wanted for my pups. If someone knew one of the people interested would be a very bad idea, I would have wanted to know. Chances are they may figure it out on their own, but there's no harm in contacting the breeder and telling what your reasons are. She has obsessions and she will get bored with the dog and it will end up in rescue. No decent breeder wants to think of any of their pups every ending up homeless or neglected.
If dogs are a current serious interest for her, could you encourage her to maybe volunteer at a shelter? They're often after someone to spend time with dogs, walking them and things like that. She could have some of the experience of having a dog without the worry that she's going to get bored and leave a poor pup needing a new home.

TheNestedIf · 13/11/2019 22:18

Definitely contact the breeder.

Is there any sort of pattern to her obsessions. Is there anything we could suggest as a diversion (not another animal or smaller dog, obviously - terrible idea given she seems unable to make sensible decisions on her own behalf, let alone a pet).

LazyDaisey · 13/11/2019 22:25

Breeders talk to one another. They warn one another of potential buyers that set off alarm bells. Please warn the breeder and ask them to spread the word. They will.

Shallow07 · 13/11/2019 22:42

I feel for you OP. We have this with a close relative of mine. More high functioning, but vulnerable with severe mental health issues, can't see them ever having a job etc. Whenever they feel sad, they go out and buy pets Sad usually small animals, though they have had cats and dogs too. They've had an obsession with animals (and then not being able to cope with caring for them) for as long as I can remember, and it really impacted on me as a child as there was constant tension re. the animals.

It always ends with them being re-homed or them regretting getting them and sort of waiting for them to die, then being absolutely devastated when they do. Contacting the breeder is the kind thing to do, for her and most of all the dog.

FairiesontheSwing · 14/11/2019 12:52

Agree its the right thing to do.

Bluesheep8 · 14/11/2019 13:01

A number of posters are assuming the breeder will care who one of their dogs goes to. Not neccessarily...Hmm

Breathlessness · 14/11/2019 14:12

A good breeder will care. There are plenty of those out there. The less popular the breed, the better the odds are that a breeder is very invested in the welfare of the dogs. If you are in it solely for the money there are easier and more saleable breeds to choose from. If this breeder doesn’t care, what has the OP lost by asking?

Original poster
BJsHair · 14/11/2019 15:34

I contacted the breeder this morning and said my sister was coming to pick a puppy and lay a deposit tomorrow and I said I had concerns as she was vulnerable, did not know the first thing about dogs and would never be able to handle a Doberman. He replied an hour later and knew exactly who my sister was and said he had the same concerns and was assuming she wouldn’t turn up with a deposit anyway. I told him she probably will but it’s a fleeting obsession and one which will probably fizzle out onto something new by Christmas ... which would see the puppy shut in a kitchen whilst she plays with her new toy. He was mortified and said he would contact her tonight to tell her the puppies would not be suitable for her situation. Whether he will or not we’ll have to wait and see!

OP posts:
FizzyIce · 14/11/2019 16:04

Well done op, it’s for the best

BouquetOfRoses · 14/11/2019 16:20

Well done OP. Relieved she has approached a responsible breeder & not a puppy farmer who would have sold the puppy regardless

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/11/2019 16:23

Excellent well done!

Dutch1e · 14/11/2019 17:25

Great update, hope you feel a bit lighter.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/11/2019 17:28

Thank you for the update - I'm so relieved that the breeder seems to care about the dogs and not just the cash.

onthecoins · 14/11/2019 17:42

You're a good person OP.

MatildaTheCat · 14/11/2019 17:44

Is she even allowed a dog in her accommodation?

Start sending her YouTube clips of adorable kittens. Reiterate what a wonderful owner she would make for a lovely, cute kitten.

Shallow07 · 14/11/2019 17:47

Good for you, OP. I hope he does call her and let her down gently.

Bluesheep8 · 14/11/2019 17:50

"Start sending her YouTube clips of adorable kittens. Reiterate what a wonderful owner she would make for a lovely, cute kitten."

Er, Why, if the op is concerned about her sister losing interest in a puppy, is it at all fair to subject a kitten or indeed any other animal to such a life?

Fcukthisshit · 14/11/2019 18:15

You’ve made the right decision by contacting the breeder. Could you steer her towards a rabbit or maybe some fish??

Bluesheep8 · 14/11/2019 18:21

Could you steer her towards a rabbit or maybe some fish??

Is it just me who thinks that from what the op has said, she will quickly tire of ANY pet? And therefore it won't have a very nice life?

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 14/11/2019 18:21

It's not appropriate to steer her towards any animal at all. The issue isn't just that the OP's sister isn't capable of looking after something with complex needs. It's that she gets obsessed with things for a couple of months and then loses interest and moves onto something else. There is no kind of animal that it's ok to do that to. Not sure why fish would be suggested as an easier pet, they're high maintenance little beggars.

Bluesheep8 · 14/11/2019 18:26

eoin glad I'm not alone!

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 14/11/2019 18:31

Bluesheep8 it's been a common theme throughout the thread unfortunately. Some of the animals that have been suggested as nice, low maintenance pets that you can just leave to their own devices has left me utterly staggered. Snakes ffs!

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