To contact dog breeder and ask him not to sell puppy to my sister?

[BJsHair]

My sister (25) is autistic but very, very immature for her age (she still plays with teddy bears and watches cartoons). She lives alone and is not coping well. Does not work, barely leaves the house.

She gets obsessions. An example of her obsessions was the time she got obsessed with Ford Ka cars. So much so that she actively tried to buy one despite the fact that she doesn’t (and never will) drive. She just wanted it to sit in and decorate. She had no idea about insurance or road tax ... it was basically just to be a giant toy.

Anyway, I’m a dog breed enthusiast and my sister has now become obsessed with the same breed. I put years of research into the breed before I bought my first dog, organised dog training and socialisation classes before I got her and spent hours and hours on training. I’d had dogs before but not this breed. The breed is NOT a first time dog owner breed. In the wrong hands they can be dangerous. My sister is terrified of my dogs, has never owned a dog before yet is adamant that she is buying a puppy from this litter ... she’s going to pay her deposit on Friday. I’ve tried talking her out of it and my mum says I’m being selfish saying “why is it ok for you to have one but not her?”. They just don’t understand. AIBU to go directly to breeder and tell him not to sell her one?

Dogs or other animals are not toys to be bought on a whim,poor any animal as it will sound like it will get neglected.
Can you take your dog round there then make her go out with you for a walk and see how she likes shovelling shit.
What will she do if it needs the vet,needs yearly injections,etc etc.

Is there a way she can volunteer working with dogs somewhere nearby to her? She could then be around dogs and get a sense for what taking care of them/having one is like. It might fill the gap for the time being and you can go from there to see if it was a phase or not. If it's not a phase, maybe the skills would then allow her to properly care for a dog.

If she does get the dog form the breeder though, what happens to the dog when she watches a different video with, say, a parrot, or a cocker spaniel puppy, or a guinea pig, and her attention goes there and she desires a new toy? Where is the dog to go if her attention gets turned elsewhere?

I think it is best though to contact the breeder for the sake of your sister's safety, the dog's safety and others' safety who might come into contact with the dog. The dog, your sister and others are all living things deserving safety and care.

from*

I have a rescue GSD who I got when she was only about 16 weeks old after she was found abandoned with a broken leg - she'd obviously had a terrible time up until that point but was still very young. I'm highly experienced with dogs, but she was a nightmare, and was the only dog I've ever had about whom 'Jesus I'm not sure I can manage this dog' has ever entered my head (albeit fleetingly).

We got our springer at 13 weeks - she was dumped in a stable and was terrified of everything and everyone - and totally unsocialised, having been taken from her mother far to young. She's nearly five now and is still a very anxious dog - it was months before she even settled with us. I still have to watch her carefully with other dogs - she'll avoid them if she can, but some dogs insist in getting in her face and she will respond aggressively - she never bites, but will put other dogs down and stand over them. And this is a calm breed and a medium size. We don't let children approach her at all because she wets herself with fright, and although she has never so much as growled, she pulls back to get behind us, so there's no way we'd force her to interact.

You know the worst thing? Poor little bugger has nightmares. She cries and whimpers in her sleep and trembles with fear, and has even wee'd herself a couple of times. We just stroke her and speak gently to her and she eventually calms down (still asleep), but it's absolutely heartbreaking - whatever has frightened her is so deep in her mind it still emerges in her dreams.

Absolutely yes contact the breeder. At minimum the breeder should ask endless questions about the home one of their puppies is going to. And yes based upon her answers it should be clear that your sister would not be a suitable owner. But putting myself in the position of the breeder, I would absolutely want you to contact me and let me know.

Dogs can be great for autistic people and if they are a special interest you may find she’s a great owner. If she lives alone she has to be fairly functional. Maybe keep an eye from a distance after she has the dog?

Not always. And autistic people generally need a lot if help to start with training etc. The unpredictability and “naughtiness” of puppies can be overwhelming even if you’re NT.

Friends of mine bought a dog for their autistic child after seeing a tv programme. They had no dog experience, or dog/child experience and didn’t know how to integrate them. Ended up keeping the dog and child apart as it was easier than constantly watching to make sure child wasn’t too rough, dog didn’t retaliate etc. Years later and the child still has nothing to do with the dog.

Even if o/p’s sister is capable of caring for a dog, a puppy, especially a doberman, is a bad idea. Find an adult lab, staffie, retriever or small breed.

Is there any way that you could sway her towards a more suitable breed and then help her to care for it? She might get a lot out of owning the right dog, with you and dm supporting her.
Could you think of a good breed and start showing her funny and cute videos of those dogs? Sorry clutching at straws slightly. But you wouldn't be unreasonable to ring the breeder.

This is quite a nasty little thread isn’t it?
*
It is managing to show real prejudice against people with disabilities by dressing it up as concern about animals. And I do not believe it.*

Disagree with this completely, it's a thread about how to stop a scenario developing that is dangerous for both the sister and the dog.

I would absolutely tell the breeder.

You know the worst thing? Poor little bugger has nightmares. She cries and whimpers in her sleep and trembles with fear, and has even wee'd herself a couple of times. We just stroke her and speak gently to her and she eventually calms down (still asleep), but it's absolutely heartbreaking - whatever has frightened her is so deep in her mind it still emerges in her dreams.

Omg poor thing. That's so sad. Some of those early traumas really stick. There's a spot on my girl's ribs that she HATES being touched, even though the vet has found nothing wrong. It's obviously just a reflex from early life. She also weirdly hates it if anyone climbs up anything (tree, ladder, on top of a wall, even the kids swinging) and tries to pull them down.

I suppose there are some things they just can't ever really get over.

Please contact the breeder. The good thing about it being a specific breed she's interested in is that it might be hard to find another breeder with a ready litter before she starts on her next obsession. And I think you really need to try and find something new for her to be a fan of, if you're in Facebook try posting lots of things you think she'll be interested in, without being too obvious if you can.

I think showing videos of things going wrong to your mum would be a good idea. And if you can find stories of how hard they are to train then those too. You need to get your mum on side - your sister's reaction will likely be to stick her heels in and say that it wont6happen to her, she'll magically be an expert trainer etc. Your mum might be a bit more receptive to your sister being physically hurt.

Good luck OP. You're a good sister.

It breaks your heart, doesn't it Bee? You want to help, but there is so little you can do except reassure. We're just so powerless.

There is a strong possibility based on the information given that the dog could absolutely seriously harm the sister, whose understanding of it is at "toy" level

If she rarely leaves the home, the home will be filled with wee and shit in no time at all.

If the breeder does sell it to her which to be honest they may still, I'd phone the RSPCA after a few days

It isn't disablism, it's a realistic look at events from the information provided about her level of processing.

How about a Furby?

I keep and breed (as a hobby) pet rats and I would definitely appreciate a heads up if someone was unable to reliably take care of them. We've turned down numerous buyers over the years who haven't sounded "right".

Having said that - are there any indoor pets which your sister might benefit from looking after? Lots of small animals are really easy to look after and are incredibly rewarding in terms of companionship.

Please contact the breeder. Poor dog.

Could you get her to become interested in Rabbits? They are cute and fluffy and can live inside?

longtimelurkerhelen rabbits aren't easy pets. They are, if you are happy to neglect them.

I have to shortly bring mine in, over winter and they're hard work, if you are providing good welfare standards.

OP You've got to tell the breeder. This is a disaster waiting to happen. As a pp poster said, this dog won't be suitable for rehoming and will be pts. That's if it doesn't happen because your Sister has been badly injured/killed by the dog.

Definition contact the breeder

This a nightmare waiting to happen. And the dog will get an inevitably bad outcome.

I know it's hard but is there some way you can encourage a new obsession to happen sooner rather than later

Please don't get a rabbit They need lots of space to exercise it's cruel to keep them in a hutch all the time. They are also quite often not very friendly, they don't like being picked up and some don't like being touched. I know there are some cuddly rabbits but this is down to the personality of the rabbit and can't be predicted.

Rabbits need a large amount of space to run around in. They are not good indoor pets, unless you're prepared to allow them the run of the house, and then you have to be prepared for them to chew your skirting boards into sawdust and keep any cables well out of their reach. They're also not always particularly amenable to being picked up and their kick can bloody hurt.

I think people need to stop recommending what they think would be suitable animals for the OP's sister to neglect. It seems clear to me that she is not a responsible person to keep a pet. I wonder if there is an animal shelter or anything that she could offer to volunteer at - she would then get to be around animals but there would be other people around to help, and if she then lost interest she could just stop going. At least there wouldn't be some poor dog or cat or anything else hanging around in her flat being neglected.

There’s every chance she’s said to the breeder that you’re her sister, and blabbed on about your dog from a previous litter and that’s how she knows of them (breeder not breed).. and the breeder remembers/knows you and how much research etc you done if, or if you update them etc. Dm doesn’t sound like she’d tell her to stop talking crap if she was telling tales of helping you with yours.

If the breeders still willing they’re the problem well part of it.

Thanks for the advice. I was thinking she does often copy me and her obsessions sometimes spring from that so I sent her a message earlier saying “I’m absolutely freezing, two hour walk with the dogs in the rain, covered in mud and water and now I have to bath them! Nightmare lol” she replied saying “why did the walk take two hours?” So I said “that’s what they need, plus the hour long walk first thing in a morning in the rain, every single day no matter if it’s raining or snowing, even on Christmas Day!”. She went a bit quiet so I sent her a link to a news story where a Dobie had killed its owner and said “this is what happens if you don’t do things right”. Feels cruel but she seemed to be listening before sending me a message with a picture of a Doberman in a Christmas jumper saying she had ordered it (the jumper). I will contact the breeder tonight.

It’s so hard because nothing gets through when she develops these obsessions. Like the time she became obsessed with a bloke in America she “met” on a forum and started asking about how she would book a flight. I told her it was dangerous and the bloke might not be who she thinks he is but she said “it’s ok, I’ve seen a picture of him”. She shouldn’t be living on her own really. My mum is as bad as her though, gullible and misguided

I think you're handling this the right way OP and I was going to suggest a similar approach. Reading your last post,it doesn't seem as though your sister is budging and naivety in adults can be a challenge.

I took to YouTube to take a look at doberman and their breed specific personality and it seems that it'd be an accident waiting to happen if your sister were to take one on.

I wonder if it'd be an idea to sit down with your mum to watch a couple of YT vids about doberman,or send her some links. Hopefully she's enough about her to recognise your concerns once she's watched a few vids and will agree that's it's foolish to condone your sister living with a dog,especially a Dobie.

Good luck and here's wishing your sister finds something else to draw her attention soon.

That sounds so difficult, OP. It's great that people with mild learning difficulties aren't banged up in horrible institutions any more, but they are so easily preyed upon and exploited

Tell the breeder and do all that you can.

I don’t have diagnosed autism but i do understand the obsessions. I switch between a few such as exercise, housework and studying. I have to try so hard not to get swept up into buying lots of stuff based on my current obsession as i know that it will fizzle out at some point.

I can only imagine what it is like for your sister who is unaware that these obsessions will soon pass and becomes sucked in. And it must be hard for you too to watch and feel helpless

I think you are doing absolutely the right thing. As others have pointed out, if the breeder says no to your sister, it will be fairly unlikely that she will be able to find another litter nearby in the next couple of months before a new obsession hopefully kicks in. Start bombarding her with your “favourite” films or something. Loads of clips of Pirates of the Caribbean or something. And your mother has absolutely no excuse for her behaviour - quite ridiculous.