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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact dog breeder and ask him not to sell puppy to my sister?

277 replies

BJsHair · 13/11/2019 13:39

My sister (25) is autistic but very, very immature for her age (she still plays with teddy bears and watches cartoons). She lives alone and is not coping well. Does not work, barely leaves the house.

She gets obsessions. An example of her obsessions was the time she got obsessed with Ford Ka cars. So much so that she actively tried to buy one despite the fact that she doesn’t (and never will) drive. She just wanted it to sit in and decorate. She had no idea about insurance or road tax ... it was basically just to be a giant toy.

Anyway, I’m a dog breed enthusiast and my sister has now become obsessed with the same breed. I put years of research into the breed before I bought my first dog, organised dog training and socialisation classes before I got her and spent hours and hours on training. I’d had dogs before but not this breed. The breed is NOT a first time dog owner breed. In the wrong hands they can be dangerous. My sister is terrified of my dogs, has never owned a dog before yet is adamant that she is buying a puppy from this litter ... she’s going to pay her deposit on Friday. I’ve tried talking her out of it and my mum says I’m being selfish saying “why is it ok for you to have one but not her?”. They just don’t understand. AIBU to go directly to breeder and tell him not to sell her one?

OP posts:
nearlyfinished1moreyear · 15/11/2019 15:44

P.

Original poster
BJsHair · 15/11/2019 16:18

@finitemonkeys

I appreciate your opinion but my sister is not like you. Would you want to live next door to an out of control Doberman? No, nobody does. You say I don’t know she won’t train it ... well I do because she’s practically told me so!! She said she’ll teach it to sit but has no interest in teaching it anything else. You just can’t do that with these dogs, I’m sorry but you can’t.

Also, there is no resentment at all. I hated her grandparents with a passion, they were god awful people and I would never have swapped my lovely grandparents for hers in a million years. My grandma recently gave me £100 as pre-death inheritance and I swear that meant more to me than anything those horrible cretins could have offered. I feel sorry for my sister, she leads an awful life and resentment for that is the last thing I feel. You have no idea how I live, what money I have or anything else.

To everyone else, I messaged my sister an hour ago and asked what was happening with the puppy. She said breeder sent her a questionnaire which he “was sending everyone” but she failed it. I’d say that was a pretty subtle way of breeder to do what he had to do!

I just want to put it out there that Doberman’s are NOT bad dogs. They are loving, affectionate and highly intelligent. Best breed in the world in my opinion ... but they do need to right owners to shine. I hope this thread hasn’t come across like a warning against the breed. They are beautiful animals, mine are truly my best friends.

OP posts:
Racmactac · 15/11/2019 16:22

I think that the breeder handled that very well.

8by8 · 15/11/2019 16:33

The breeder handled that well. Good that your sister doesn’t know you intervened.

beethebee · 15/11/2019 16:37

That's an excellent outcome.

Well done to you and to the breeder.

Winterdaysarehere · 15/11/2019 16:41

A responsible breeder! Excellent job op.

BouquetOfRoses · 15/11/2019 16:51

OP any criticism towards you is unfair. This is a great outcome- for your sister and the potential dog. Your sister is clearly not capable of being responsible for a pet and you were clear of that

All dogs have risks, but Dobermans are particularly powerful

I hope your sister finds a safer distraction/new interest

Breathlessness · 15/11/2019 17:15

Excellent.

Janus · 15/11/2019 17:16

I wanted to also say how well both you and the breeder handled this. It was the fairest outcome for all (but especially the puppy), you did very well.

Orchidflower1 · 15/11/2019 18:22

@BJsHair I think you and the breeder handled the situation really well. You have cared for your ds best interests.

Miljea · 15/11/2019 19:35

BJ I think you have done entirely the right thing.

Well done. With your mum as she is, it can't have been easy.

I wouldn't have a clue how to cope with a Doberman, but I also know that!

UhareFouxisci · 15/11/2019 20:59

glad to know this particular situation is resolved but couldn't this just postpone the problem? surely she will just keep looking and possibly find a less ethical breeder next time?

Howlovely · 15/11/2019 23:06

@finitemonkeys - why on earth are you comparing the OP's sister to yourself?! To quote yourself, "I'm ASD..." (surely one has ASD, not 'are ASD'?) the 'S' stands for 'spectrum'. You have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever about OP's sister's capabilities yet you bore on and on about how you ARE ASD and are more than capable of looking after pets and children. Well, good for you but it is completely irrelevant as OP knows her sister is not capable of it. You thinking that you can look after children so therefore OP's sister should get a potentially very dangerous dog she can not look after properly is bizarre at best and potentially lethal at worst.
OP, for what it's worth, I think you have acted out of kindness and concern for both your sister and the puppy and that you and the breeder have handled it very well indeed. Your sister doesn't need to know you said anything, the breeder hasn't made it personal and she has a solid, physical reason why she cannot get the dog rather than trying to argue with you that it would be ok. Hopefully her obsession with Dobermans will pass soon and she can move on and no animals were harmed in the making of this.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/11/2019 23:23

You did the right thing OP and the breeder handled it very well.

Original poster
BJsHair · 16/11/2019 07:30

Thanks again for the support. One of the questions on the form was “why do you want a Doberman” to which she replied “I like their shiny coats and I like the way they run”.
Another one: “what do you intend to feed the puppy?” To which she replied “dog food only as human food is bad for dogs”.

The breeder replied and said unfortunately the questionnaire suggests that she is not ready for a Doberman but he send her links to books on amazon and links to YouTube videos and suggests she do more research and contact him again next year when he plans to breed another litter (different parents). By then the obsession will be well and truly gone but hopefully the “promise” will keep her from trying other breeders.

I’ve bought her a Doberman teddy bear which she loves and she’s put it on her pillow alongside her other teddies and named it “Sam” which she was going to make the puppy. I do feel a bit guilty but I know I did the right thing.

OP posts:
Span1elsRock · 16/11/2019 08:12

Having read about the breed, I can understand why you were so worried OP. And think you did the right thing for your sister and the puppy.

Any puppy is hard work, let alone one that will be extremely intelligent and strong with a huge work drive. I've got 2 spaniels, our youngest is 1 and is still incredibly challenging in terms of keeping out of trouble Hmm

Lochroy · 16/11/2019 08:37

Well done OP and good work by the breeder.

treepolitics · 16/11/2019 08:41

you and the breeder handled this magnificently. On a light hearted note, watching my dog run, his general exuberance for life and people and his shiny coat, physical beauty are some of the reasons I love him! The care aspects of course are the problem and I'm glad this is resolved in a very good way. My dog needed 2 hours of exercise a day until he was elderly!

EamonnAndrewsFan · 16/11/2019 09:15

Well done, OP.
But, TBH, I don't know why you posted on AIBU
...where the sensible are oft berated by morons.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 16/11/2019 09:17

You absolutely did the right thing. The breeder sounds amazing.

3yrolddrama · 16/11/2019 10:06

Read your full thread. You absolutely did the right thing, well done OP.

What about buying her one of those fluffy robotic puppies for Christmas? Might be one out there that looks like a Doberman puppy? Not wanting to belittle her, but you said she loves teddies and maybe she’ll really enjoy that toy.

Elle7rose · 16/11/2019 13:30

That's great OP. I know you must feel quite guilty but you'd feel more guilty if she or someone else was attacked by an out of control dog.
Perhaps you could suggest she comes on dog walks with your dogs instead?

AlpacaGoodnight · 16/11/2019 13:45

Such lovely handling by you and the breeder. It sounds like he has gone out of his way to do it in a way that as you say will hopefully lead to her obsession going before next year. I think you sounds like a lovely, caring sister doing your best to protect and suopport but not smother her Flowers

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/11/2019 13:55

Oooh I am impressed with the breeders handling of that.

And if she does obsess over another breed you can suggest that ALL breeders do these questionairres... and that might hopefully put her off.

plightofthealbatross · 16/11/2019 15:58

I think you and the breeder did the right thing. I wish more people would think long and hard before getting a dog.