To contact dog breeder and ask him not to sell puppy to my sister?

[BJsHair]

My sister (25) is autistic but very, very immature for her age (she still plays with teddy bears and watches cartoons). She lives alone and is not coping well. Does not work, barely leaves the house.

She gets obsessions. An example of her obsessions was the time she got obsessed with Ford Ka cars. So much so that she actively tried to buy one despite the fact that she doesn’t (and never will) drive. She just wanted it to sit in and decorate. She had no idea about insurance or road tax ... it was basically just to be a giant toy.

Anyway, I’m a dog breed enthusiast and my sister has now become obsessed with the same breed. I put years of research into the breed before I bought my first dog, organised dog training and socialisation classes before I got her and spent hours and hours on training. I’d had dogs before but not this breed. The breed is NOT a first time dog owner breed. In the wrong hands they can be dangerous. My sister is terrified of my dogs, has never owned a dog before yet is adamant that she is buying a puppy from this litter ... she’s going to pay her deposit on Friday. I’ve tried talking her out of it and my mum says I’m being selfish saying “why is it ok for you to have one but not her?”. They just don’t understand. AIBU to go directly to breeder and tell him not to sell her one?

I fostered dogs and rehomed then for many years. We had a litter of husky puppies. We had over 300 people wanting them (we had 7 in total that had been rescued. My first question was where will you walk them. How many times a day will you walk them. And for what length of time. 95% of people said. Oh it would go on the school run. Or it would stay at home whilst I went to work. I’d take it out quickly after work.

When I said you’d need to be walking a good 10 miles a day. Most people dropped out. I still see the puppies and each one had a thorough vetting on skills. Homes. Lifestyles.

The dogs are all doing beautifully. I’m really pleased

But so many people don’t care. So many breeders just want gone. Or breed for money.

I would of taken a call like this very seriously. However. Lots won’t.

What would stop her from then contacting another breeder?

I think contacting the breeder behind your DSis’ back is overstepping the mark. She’s an adult, not a child. You’ve done what you can do

Did you not see this part? OPs sister sounds like an adult in age only.

She gets obsessions. An example of her obsessions was the time she got obsessed with Ford Ka cars. So much so that she actively tried to buy one despite the fact that she doesn’t (and never will) drive. She just wanted it to sit in and decorate. She had no idea about insurance or road tax ... it was basically just to be a giant toy

@Blueuggboots

@iwouldbuyyouadress are you on glue??!!

I literally spat out my tea LOL'ing

Definitely contact the breeder. Hopefully they are responsible enough to decline to sell her a puppy

Isn't there a toy dog that looks a bit like a Doberman? How about a black and tan mini Dachshund? It sounds like she is a bit lonely and wants a friend. Daxies are very popular at the mo, and she could dress it up?

Is someone keeping an eye on the money she has OP? I'm a bit worried that she could be a target for scammers.

It doesn’t sound as if the breeder will give a shit so rather than appealing to their better nature I suspect the best thing to do would state baldly “My sister is not capable of looking after any puppy. If you sell her one you will be showing yourself up as a terrible breeder and I’ll make sure everyone knows it”. Hopefully they won’t want the hassle. You could also threaten to report them to the kennel club/rspca (if they’re back yard breeders they probably won’t know there’s bugger all either organisation can or will do).

Ultimately the welfare of the potential dog is more important than keeping your sister happy. She’ll get a new obsession soon enough.

Hi OP

Please, please, please PLEASE call the breeder and tell them exactly what you have told us here.

Putting your sister's ASD aside for one minute, there are so many dogs in this country alone who are not properly cared for and end up in rescue homes. This is my bugbear with breeders - there are so many who don't give a shit who they sell puppies to most of the time, they're all about the money!!

A decent human being let alone a breeder will actively do the right thing once they've been told this.

Not to discredit your mum - but she is acting atrociously regarding this situation. This is a dog you're talking about - not a cuddly toy or a Ford KA!!!!

@iwouldbuyyouadress I don't think it's a nasty thread. I think the OP is trying to balance her sisters wishes with the welfare of a puppy, and there are opinions both ways.

Can you persuade her to get a smaller dog? One that doesn't require as much training or specialist knowledge.

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I would absolutely contact the breeder and speak to them. Dog ownership is not to be taken lightly whether it’s a small or large breed but from what you’ve said, the breed sounds totally unsuitable for her.
However, you must also think that you stand the chance of upsetting both your sister and mum in this case and their could be backlash. Good luck with whatever u decide xx

SarfE4sticated what a terrible idea. I'm not even a dog person and I can't understand why anyone would advocate getting a small dog so that you can treat it like a toy. And anyway, small dogs that aren't properly socialised can bite just as bigger ones can, and the damage wouldn't be negligible if the bite was in a delicate area. If you try to nuzzle or kiss a poorly-socialised dog - which the OP's sister almost certainly would - and it snaps at your face, you could end up scarred or worse.

It sounds like she is trying to emulate you, and obviously looks up to you. Maybe if you say to her, 'let's find a dog for you together' it could be a nice bonding exercise for you both. You'd need to have a word with your mum first though, as it sounds like she is half of the problem.

Can you try to substitute this obsession with another? It sounds like this obsession came out of the blue. If she’s hell bent on an animal one that doesn’t require so much training and support. Maybe aquariums, a cat, a snake etc.

I do hesitate in suggesting another pet though. You know her best is there anything you know would hook her and would serve as a new focus poinf?

Could you talk her round into having a cat instead. They are much easier to look after. Don't need training and are great company.

European Doberman’s are absolutely NOT a first timers dog. A respectable breeder wouldn’t just sell to anyone too OP. I would have a word. Can you convince her with a lesser, more manageable dog? Also - it’s a large dog to have in a flat, is she in a flat?

Are european dobies the ones with cropped ears?

Actually I take that back, if she’s just going to be obsessive about the dog for a while, that’s not fair either. I would try to dissuade her altogether.

I have an autistic sibling, who is prone to similar obsessions and unrealistic ideas.

I would absolutely call the breeder. You’re protecting the dog and also your sister - she’s going to be stressed and unlikely to cope with the needs of that dog.

@SarfE4sticated getting a dachshund instead doesn’t solve the problem which is that the OPs sister isn’t able to care for a dog independently. It’s incredibly unfair to suggest that just because a dachshund is smaller it needs less in the way of love, attention, training and knowledge than a Doberman. Dachshunds have specific needs related to their spines and are prone to a spinal disease which can cost thousands of pounds to treat, and they need insurance from birth. They are not a dog for the uniformed.

I agree an insane dog for anyone without lots of common sense and dog experience . It is one of the few dogs that I am nervous of, I have only known one really good tempered one. My old dog was body slammed by a boisterous Doberman playing, and injured. They are heavy and often protective, and yet also often not all that intelligent. Not a great combination.
Yes I would contact the breeder. Why is your Mum being so short sighted about this ? A doberman in the wrong hands could attack someone, kill a smaller dog etc. Never mind the fact that if it never goes out for long or gets trained , it will be a bored, destructive and unhappy dog.
With the dogs the really important thing ( after the issue of whether the person should get a dog at all) is getting a dog whose temperament and nature work with the person or family concerned. I have met miserable Jack Russels, hyper and uncontrollable, with baffled and stressed owners who should have got a calm and placid dog but wanted a Parson JRT because they look nice. I have met feeble owners with enormous and aggressive hounds that they have no control over.
The end result is often bad for the owners but far worse for the dog.

I think warning the breeder is the responsible thing to do! Ultimately, you are looking out for the safety and well-being of your sister as well as the dog and any decent breeder will be grateful for your call. If she's allowed to walk off with a puppy it's just going to be a recipe for disaster.

I would do it without a second thought. And as you say, next month it might be goldfish 🤷‍♀️

Can you give us an idea of her other obsessions ?

With the Ford Ka , was she going to go to a dealer or private seller . Would they have questioned why she didn't want to test drive . Or insure it? It would have to be SORN .

If she's bought and discarded things have you discussed with her? The waste of ,money . What pleasure does it give her when she has it . Is it just the wanting that pleases her ?

And it's an advert and a daft video that has made her obsess . Not your real live dogs . She's in love with the idea .

Please contact the breeder, I'm sure they would not want the dog to go to a home where it would not be properly looked after. There are so many unruly adolescent dogs up for re homing, and it just isn't fair that they go to homes where they are not properly trained and exercised and then have problems for someone else to sort out, sometimes having problems for life. A Dachshund? they have huge personalities and are quite difficult if you are not firm with them. Not a good replacement choice.

The poster who suggested tackling your mum/focussing on getting her on side has a good point. I’d call the breeder and have a very serious talk with your mum. I even wonder if it’s something someone like a vet or RSPCA/Dogs Trust person could speak to your mum about, to help her understand how dangerous this could be for your sister and others around her- and unfair on the puppy. Does your sister have a social worker (I have a relative with LDs who does, not sure how common that is).