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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To contact dog breeder and ask him not to sell puppy to my sister?

277 replies

BJsHair · 13/11/2019 13:39

My sister (25) is autistic but very, very immature for her age (she still plays with teddy bears and watches cartoons). She lives alone and is not coping well. Does not work, barely leaves the house.

She gets obsessions. An example of her obsessions was the time she got obsessed with Ford Ka cars. So much so that she actively tried to buy one despite the fact that she doesn’t (and never will) drive. She just wanted it to sit in and decorate. She had no idea about insurance or road tax ... it was basically just to be a giant toy.

Anyway, I’m a dog breed enthusiast and my sister has now become obsessed with the same breed. I put years of research into the breed before I bought my first dog, organised dog training and socialisation classes before I got her and spent hours and hours on training. I’d had dogs before but not this breed. The breed is NOT a first time dog owner breed. In the wrong hands they can be dangerous. My sister is terrified of my dogs, has never owned a dog before yet is adamant that she is buying a puppy from this litter ... she’s going to pay her deposit on Friday. I’ve tried talking her out of it and my mum says I’m being selfish saying “why is it ok for you to have one but not her?”. They just don’t understand. AIBU to go directly to breeder and tell him not to sell her one?

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 13/11/2019 14:38

If the breeder allows her to buy the dog, they’re a very poor one. Nothing was said, but it was very clear when we bought our puppy that we were being vetted.

She’s an adult, not a child. chronologically perhaps but someone who thinks buying a car they can’t drive to use as a toy really can’t be classed as adult. I’d contact the breeder and hope they’re a responsible one. Poor puppy.

LemonBreeland · 13/11/2019 14:39

Absolutely tell the breeder. My concern is if they aren't a decent breeder they may sell it to her anyway.

Puppytooth · 13/11/2019 14:41

I just don’t understand how your Mum’s only opinion is that you’re being selfish?! Surely she would 100% know that this can’t happen unfortunately. I agree with others - why on earth would a smaller breed be the answer? It is still a living animal which needs tremendous care and attention, with a puppy it is 24/7 as I found out for myself - it is tough! It is really sad that your sister can not look after a dog but it is a reality. Please speak to the dog breeder - considering your sister’s and a dog’s wellbeing is NOT overstepping the mark.

Span1elsRock · 13/11/2019 14:41

Wow, that's a horrendous combination. No wonder you are concerned, OP.

I think tackling your Mum is the best bet, though, and not the breeder.

This has disaster written all over it, especially for the poor dog.

Lovemusic33 · 13/11/2019 14:41

I have a friend with a lot of mental health issues, he rarely left his flat (would pop to the local shop), he then fostered a dog (Belgium Shepard) and the dogs now lived with him for 5 years, he walks her twice a day and wouldn’t be without her, it’s really helped his mental health and given him company. So it can work out but I don’t think a puppy is the way to go, maybe she could look into fostering dogs?

Branleuse · 13/11/2019 14:45

What about a cat?

Armadillostoes · 13/11/2019 14:46

YANBU-I agree with the majority of posters that it is in nobody's best interests for the poor dog to end up with someone incapable of caring for it properly and safely. From the way in which the OP describes the sister and her needs, she should not have ANY dog. That is sad but dogs are sentient creatures, not objects or toys for human benefit.

It is also true that even small dogs can bite if not adequstely looked after and socialised. Why on Earth should a dog lose its life and some otherperson be hurt and potentially scarred life, just because someone WANTED a dog? Wants are not needs.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/11/2019 14:47

I would definitely contact the breeder. Your sister having a dog like this could be have frightening consequences and a very difficult to handle dog as you know.

Orchidflower1 · 13/11/2019 14:52

To all those saying let the op sister get a dog- would you want it living near you cos I wouldn’t.

Op you have to tell the breeder for the sake of the dog, your sister and the general public.

Eckhart · 13/11/2019 14:55

What happens when you tell her it's a bad idea, OP?

ChuckleBuckles · 13/11/2019 14:56

OP is there any local dog rescues that she could volunteer with to be a dog walker. One near me has a "supervised" weekend walkers scheme for people that have additional needs, it may giver your sister the dart of reality that is needed to see how much work a dog is, and it would be coming from someone outside your family so your mother may take it more seriously and listen to them too.

NC2020 · 13/11/2019 14:56

I think you should contact the breeder. But also people suggesting a small dog is a terrible idea. I don't have a doberman but I have a larger dog and a tiny one and the tiny one needs more attention if anything and as much exercise. Just because they're little doesn't make them any less needy, he was much harder to train than the big guy!

cantfindname · 13/11/2019 14:58

Agree 100% with Orchidflower1

The only breed I am truly frightened of! Why do they so often end up with unsuitable owners?

She will be so out of her depth and the dog will be the one to suffer as it will inevitably be passed from pillar to post due to lack of proper training and socialising as a pup.

1forAll74 · 13/11/2019 15:00

It' doesn't sound like a good idea at all. according to what you have said about your sister. You can only hope that the breeder will ascertain all the situations involved, and not go ahead with things.

Flouncysinatra · 13/11/2019 15:01

If we are being real about this - it won’t matter if you contact the breeder- she will find another one, or a puppy farm.

You need to try and tackle this differently. You’ve said she has obsessions - is it likely that if she doesn’t get a puppy immediately that she will go off the idea?

Skysblue · 13/11/2019 15:01

Yanbu

CherryBathBomb · 13/11/2019 15:03

Ive had large dogs growing up and now have a tiny dog. I must say that smaller dogs are more hard work and need more attention! Can you divert her attention towards a cat or maybe a hamster 🐹

greenlobster · 13/11/2019 15:03

YANBU. I'd contact the breeder.

You mentioned your sister's obsessions are quite short lived. Is there any chance you could sidetrack her by offering to help her find out more about the breed and being a dog owner in general before she gets one? There's probably an thousand and one things that you could reasonably suggest she 'absolutely must do' before actually buying the dog. With luck the next obsession will come along before the buying the puppy stage gets reached, and if it fails then at least she'd be a bit more prepared.

We manage some of my adult autistic daughter's more completely impractical obsessions like this and often by the time we've finished researching whatever the thing is that she wants to do/buy she's completely lost interest and moved on to the next thing.

BoomyBooms · 13/11/2019 15:04

Tell the breeder, definitely. A good one would want to know!

crosspelican · 13/11/2019 15:05

This is a bit of a no-brainer. Of course you should contact the breeder.

Chances are she will be stalled for long enough for the obsession to wear off.

Will her landlord even allow large animals in the flat/house where she is living? Unless she owns?

tinkering · 13/11/2019 15:06

I can totally see why you're not keen for your sister to have a puppy (and especially one of that breed!) but how are you going to handle the situation if you go behind her back and tell the breeder. If she goes out expecting a puppy and gets turned down (even if the breeder/you are in the right) is she the type to become agitated or have a meltdown at the fact she has built this expectation up and it has been torn away?

crosspelican · 13/11/2019 15:07

So it can work out but I don’t think a puppy is the way to go,

This is a fair point - would she cope with an adult (i.e. pre-trained!) dog? Some gorgeous mixed breed who needs - and can give - her love?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/11/2019 15:09

Could you and/or your mum get her a robot dog now, as an early Christmas present? Some of the fun of a dog, but without the responsibility of a live animal.

carly2803 · 13/11/2019 15:12

poorpuppy

yes absolutely contact the breeder!

oohnicevase · 13/11/2019 15:13

Jesus .. I just googled it and yes contact the breeder !!!
Without the correct training that dog is potentially a lethal weapon ..
I love ( but respect ) dogs and that is bonkers!!