I want to ask people for a genuine perspective on this. My DH is great the vast majority of the time. He is kind, generous, loving, hard-working, does 50% of the housework, 50% of the childcare when he is around (although he works full time and I work 4 days a week so I inevitably do more childcare but I love spending time with my DC). He is never controlling and puts the family first.
We get on well most of the time. We share a lot of the same interests, moral code and views. We enjoy each others company. Basically we are well aligned.
We are both very busy, with a baby and toddler, busy demanding careers and both also studying postgraduate degrees at university, plus many other demands on our time.
When we disagree or argue, sometimes we are both very level-headed, we listen and come to a reasonable conclusion or answer, and basically figure it out. He will apologise and is able to admit when he may have been in the wrong. As do I.
Sometimes when we are both tired, stressed and unable to debate in a constructive way, an argument can escalate, and we can both become irritated, even angry and raise our voices (never when the DC are awake/around and not full on shouting either).
Last night this happened and he swore at me, twice. I felt really upset by this and decided to end the conversation. I told him I would not be engaging any further as I felt disrespected. He apologised soon after, but tbh, I felt hurt and unable to have a conversation about it, so I went to sleep.
I suppose I want to ask people if it is reasonable to think swearing and raised voices should not be a feature of arguments in a marriage or relationship? Or am I being precious, too sensitive and naive?
Voting enabled:
YABU: I am over-reacting and being too sensitive.
YANBU: There should never be raised voices and swearing in a relationship.