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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think we did nothing wrong?

152 replies

sadaboutlife · 12/11/2019 19:56

I went away for the weekend with a guy I'm seeing and a friend and her boyfriend.
My friend was driving and me and the guy I'm seeing in the back.
It's a pretty new thing and we were chatting all the way home in the car.
She kept say ..can you both shut up talking your doing my head in.
We kept quite for a bit and then sometimes forgot and spoke again.
She was really annoyed
Did we really do anything wrong here?
She is actually angry that we didn't sit in silence

OP posts:
Mmpip · 13/11/2019 18:34

I would NEVER dream of telling ANYONE to shut up in a car journey (apart from my husband) lol. I actually wouldn't even ask anyone to shut up at anytime. It would be very rude and you should tell her how unacceptable her behaviour is....

vivacian · 13/11/2019 18:37

She was really annoyed

What makes you think this?

middlemuddle · 13/11/2019 18:52

Strange reaction, maybe she got a bit fed up of you both on the holiday if you're in that new relationship place. I don't mean that it's anything you did wrong but jealousy might have reared its head. If she was tired etc she could have just said, and established that she'd like quiet before she started driving.

Vanhi · 13/11/2019 18:57

I actually wouldn't even ask anyone to shut up at anytime. It would be very rude and you should tell her how unacceptable her behaviour is

it would be pretty rude to tell her behaviour is unacceptable if it hasn't been, and it might not have been. If people are chattering away to each other, especially if they're having a flirty conversation and excluding you, that in itself is pretty rude. You can sometimes just tell people to shut up if they're being rude and haven't responded to polite requests to keep the noise down. And if I were distracting a car driver I'd far rather they told me to shut up than that they kept quiet out of some misguided sense of politeness, when they really needed to be concentrating on the road, not me.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 13/11/2019 19:10

I think you'd gotten on her nerves all weekend and she could get away - but in the she couldn't.

ChristmasFluff · 13/11/2019 19:41

If she was having music on and in party mood on the way down, but wanted quiet on the way back, did it not occur to anyone that she may have a headache or be tired from a whole weekend of 'peopling' and just want a bit of damn peace? After driving everyone there and back?

It's actually pretty easy to have a quiet conversation in the back without the driver even being aware - I can't usually hear what's going on in the back when I'm driving. So you were probably being loud and annoying, OP

I can't see how people are calling the driver rude - it's pretty rude to let someone drive you 6 hours on a weekend with no thought to their comfort.

Aridane · 13/11/2019 20:09

Oh god - endless inane chatter in the confines of a car following on from the confines of a shared weekend together which perhaps hadn't gone as well as it might

Lovely13 · 13/11/2019 22:35

Sounds like having distracting kids in the back of the car. Which used to drive me mad. And you are adults! I’m with the driver on this one.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 13/11/2019 23:07

Toning it down to be respectful of your friend would have been the appropriate thing to do.Sounds like you owe her an apology.Don't go through life making enemies just because you can,you'll be much happier if you don't.I promise.

Merryweather80 · 14/11/2019 00:32

I completely agree with iworkatthecheesecakefactory.

manicmij · 14/11/2019 00:38

It can be stressful listening/taking part in a conversation whilst driving. Surely MNs know this, how many find it hard with kids shouting and yelling in cars? Most can respond with short starements to questions but a conversation is different. Perhaps that's why your friend wanted some quiet.

CaptainCautious · 14/11/2019 00:59

I’ve read your other thread about this man you’re seeing. Does she know he’s sleeping with 10 other women? Because maybe she couldn’t hack hearing you be happy as Larry knowing what he was doing

mathanxiety · 14/11/2019 01:21

Seriously some of you shouldn’t be driving if it’s such hard work.

Agree.

By half an hour a driver should be in their zone. You don't have to consciously concentrate every single minute when driving. You get into 'driving mode' - once you've been driving a while it becomes second nature.

If this was an inexperienced driver then she shouldn't have had music blasting on the outward leg of the trip, or a car full of people. She probably wouldn't have offered to drive a car full of people if she wasn't experienced.

My guess is the OP and her BF were doing some heavy flirting and had been doing it all weekend. How annoying were the two of you all weekend?

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/11/2019 03:13

I don’t agree with that Math.

Some people have hypersensitive hearing. Eg sensory processing issues / disorder, misophonia. Saying you should just be in the zone doesn’t work for such people. Autistic people can have SPD for example. No one would tell them not to drive because they found, what was probably an animated conversation distracting.

I have chronic fatigue. Noise in general, people blabbering away, music, sound from films literally drains my energy. My body is constantly being used at the max to just be able to basically function. I need low noise when driving not because I’m not good enough to drive but to ensure I have enough energy to get where I’m going. I don’t drive far. 20 mins is what I’m comfortable doing at the moment as I must be alert the whole time.

In the past I’d drive 10 hours in a day, radio for company, no noise would distract me. I was in the driving zone. I’ve now seen both sides and can understand that you can be a good driver but still be very sensitive to noise.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2019 03:27

The majority of people don't have those conditions. (Though I personally have misophonia and would find it horrible to drive someone chewing gum with their mouth open for three hours, and always ask one particular DD to stop playing with her hair if I can see it flickering in my peripheral vision as she does it constantly.)

This particular friend had no problem with noisy music in the car for three hours - her own music. If she felt that three hours with others conversing in her car would be too much she shouldn't have offered to drive them. So my guess is that she was sick to the back teeth of the simpering/ flirting that the OP and her BF had been doing all weekend (if comments of others wrt other threads of the OP's are to be taken into account).

suesylvesterr · 14/11/2019 03:43

Judging by your other threads recently maybe she's fed up with you because you sound like you are seriously hard work!

Or maybe she found your thread about you slagging her off for how much she charged you for petrol... Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/11/2019 03:45

Yes I agree op was probably sick of them flirting etc. Op sounds like really a full on person, who has no idea of how she comes across.

I do agree most people don’t have what I’m describing. I was trying to put another perspective across that we cannot all just go into the zone iyswim.

I have misophonia as well. . 😬

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 14/11/2019 05:06

That's very rude. I've drove for hours with people talking in the back seat. Doesnt bother me a bit.

Vanhi · 14/11/2019 06:36

You don't have to consciously concentrate every single minute when driving. You get into 'driving mode' - once you've been driving a while it becomes second nature.

Well that explains the crap driving I see day in, day out. It explains the poor overtaking decisions, the lack of ability to read the road ahead, the lack of ability to see anything that isn't dressed like a Christmas tree (and sometimes not even that), the phone use, the speeding and the whinging when other road users force drivers to concentrate. Sod "the zone", try concentrating when you're on the road.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2019 07:13

You are concentrating, just not consciously.
Initially, when you are learning, you have to concentrate consciously and as a result many people report getting really tired in the first few months behind the wheel.

After driving for a while, you switch your brain to driving mode without so much effort the minute you sit into your car. Driving - with all the concentrating and alertness required - becomes second nature.

FizzyIce · 14/11/2019 07:36

I have misophonia, if I had someone babbling on in the back constantly for a good couple of hours , I’d have turfed you out at the services

PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 07:51

That's very rude. I've drove for hours with people talking in the back seat. Doesnt bother me a bit.

Congratulations. Would you like a badge? People aren’t all the same.

Mothership4two · 14/11/2019 08:26

After driving for a while, you switch your brain to driving mode without so much effort the minute you sit into your car. Driving - with all the concentrating and alertness required - becomes second nature.

Exactly, you go into autopilot. I don't think it would be possible to concentrate fully for three hours - that would be tiring.

Some posters have mentioned that the driver might have other issues making them overly sensitive to talking, but I doubt someone like that would offer lifts with a 3 hour drive, not be affected on the way there and, I'm sure, the OP would have mentioned it.

I'm pretty sensitive to sound, but when my boys are chatting away to each other on the back seats, I just switch off. It sounds like, from comments on this thread, that the OP and the driver had other issues.

Mothership4two · 14/11/2019 08:38

Congratulations. Would you like a badge? People aren’t all the same

MN posters often relate personal experiences to make a point. I don't think this poster was showing off about her ability to not be bothered by chatter when driving!

StateofConfusion · 14/11/2019 08:38

She doesn't have kids does she? Our car is the noisiest place I've ever been.

Unless you were having loud or uncomfortable conversations for others to listen to she is unreasonable.

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