AIBU to expect DH to put toilet seat down and clean up afterwards?

[sadlycindy]

He leaves the toilet seat up and says he won’t put it down as why should he do what I say, why do I get to decide it goes down? I have said that we both use it to sit on but only he leaves it up.

He also doesn’t wipe the bowl rim and there will be pee round it and splashes on the floor I have asked him out of consideration for me could he please wipe the bowl and the floor when he’s done? Again he’s accusing me of being controlling by asking him to change the way he uses the toilet when he’s done it that way all his life.

I find it disgusting and I’m reeling from his lack of consideration for me. Luckily we have a cleaner so I am not the one cleaning the toilet but I still wipe it before she comes round as I feel sorry for her.

No YANBU at all.
He sounds entitled.
I don’t have this situation at home as DH pees sitting on the toilet but I imagine it was the same thing as when I had my period last week and accidently left some blood stains on the floor and toilet seat . Immediately whiped it, didn’t even consider leaving it there. It’s simply good manners to leave the toilet in the same state of cleanliness as you found it!

He needs to clean up yes but as for putting the seat down..... I couldn't care less to be honest. It does look tidier down but as long as it's clean I'm not bothered.

Cleaner here.
I would consider your dh a filthy pig if I was expected to clean your loo after him....

Expecting you to clear up his piss shows that he has no respect for you

He is disgusting. If he can't aim properly he should sit down to pee. Any spills/splashes are his responsibility and he should clean up.
As for the toilet seat, it's default position is down (preferably with the lid down too).
Was he very badly brought up? Is his toilet etiquette like this when away from home?

Leaving his piss on the seat and floor for someone else to clean up is just rank.
What’s he like in other ways?

He’s not leaving it for me to clean up. He just doesn’t give it a second thought as that’s the way he’s always done it. Me trying to get him to consider me is me trying to control him in his head.

@Esspee yes he is the same no matter where we are.

I used to have this battle with my husband. I won the argument by pointing out when he flushes with lid up he sends particles flying onto his toothbrush. He is really bad a spilling pee when he goes in the night. I just ask him to clean it up when I notice.

He’s disgusting.

Do you have children? Now I've told him that our DS walks by the toilet and will put his hands on it he's better at keeping it clean. Basically I've had to give him reasons that aren't anything to do with me!

He’s always done it because someone else has cleaned it up. It’s not a problem for him at home or work, it’s magically done by the fairies.

Yanbu

Has he done this since the day you met? My guess is No. He is choosing to do this because he's rather you sit in his piss than be mildly inconvenienced himself

He has no respect for you.
I had a row with my brother over this EXACT thing to the point of kicking him out of my home and going NC because he wouldn't stop doing it or apologise. In fact he got cross and told me I was controlling
I would do it again.

@MsChatterbox yes we have a son who is 1. I have said to him what am I going to see to him when I start toilet training? Daddy is allowed to pee on the toilet and the floor but it’s disgusting so you aren’t? He just laughs.

@akire

Some men just don’t care. A family member treats toilets the same way and lives alone and cleans his own toilet. Some people just don’t care

Toilet seat up or down I am not too bothered about.

Not cleaning up his own piss is minging, because it means he either expects you to stand /sit in his piss (even when it's on the bottom seat it still ends up on you somehow) or wipe it up after him. It stinks as well if its left which isn't pleasant for anyone (unless your cleaner comes daily?). Its a 2 second job for him that means you dont need to do something gross. Its disrespectful to expect someone else to clean up your own bodily fluids when you're able bodied.

I am getting sick of men throwing around the word controlling when they are challenged on their unreasonable behaviour. Does he even know what it means? Trying to influence someones reasonable behaviour using manipulation (guilt, fear etc) due to your own insecurities. Giving someone the cold shoulder because they want a night out every so often because you're worried they might cheat is controlling. Asking another adult to clean up after themselves and be considerate to other people living in the house is normal

Have you tried leaving period blood all over it for him?

@Sushiroller yes he’s always done this! This is his issue that I am asking him to change the way he’s always been.

I was so angry when I got up this morning to pee on the floor and round the rim and toilet seat up so I could see everything. I was seething and had to bite my lip and try and not cause an argument.

I don’t mind the seat up, I just put it down when I notice but do call all three males in the house back to wipe up wee if it’s missed the toilet.
Not my wee, not my job. I don’t care if it’s patronising, I am not doing it.

@Batqueen hahaha I love it!!

@GettingABitDesperateNow thank you. That’s a brilliant point. That’s not controlling expecting someone to be reasonable and considerate. Maybe I approach the topic like “ok toilet seat up or down is fine, but clean up after yourself” so he thinks I’m giving too.

I've never understood why some women expect the loo seat to be left down for them. Why do only women get to demand that it's left ready for them to use, and how hard is it to put the seat down for yourself?

But the wee thing is just disgusting. Does he think it just disappears by magic, or does he assume that you're his slave and must clean up after him?

That's the way I've done it all my life

That's the way someone else has done it for me all my life and now I expect you to take over from my mum because cleaning piss is a woman's job

Can you develop your own filthy habits and say it's always been that way? Or at least have a discussion about the equal distribution of domestic labour? My guess is the toilet is not the only thing

The toilet seat doesn’t bother me. But the piss is disgusting. Presumably he doesn’t clean the toilet & leaves it for you. This is like that “she left me because of a glass in the sink” blog. It’s just common courtesy to clean up your bodily fluids after yourself.
When I read threads like this it makes me feel happy to be single & have my nice clean piss free rental. I can’t fathom having to compromise & have a discussion about this with another grown human about why this is disrespectful, gross & not okay.

He just doesn’t give it a second thought as that’s the way he’s always done it.

That doesn’t make it right. We used to send children down the mines. That wasn’t right either. He is being lazy and disrespectful. Also, why is he so careless with his aim? My 67 year old husband manages to aim correctly without leaving drips.

Me trying to get him to consider me is me trying to control him in his head

Again, this over-use of the word “controlling”. Asking someone to be clean and considerate is not controlling. He is a disgusting pig.

Toilets are always flushed with the lid down in our house, so DH doesn’t leave the seat up anyway.

I think you should stop nagging him but treat him to a dose of his own medicine. Next time you do a poo after your kids have gone to bed (or in the en suite if you have one and they don’t use it) don’t flush. And next time you have your period leave your used tampon or pad by the side of the loo rather than in the bin.

When he complains, you can then agree shared rules for you both to adhere to but let him know that you will only follow them if he does.

Basically out-gross him