AIBU to expect DH to put toilet seat down and clean up afterwards?

[sadlycindy]

He leaves the toilet seat up and says he won’t put it down as why should he do what I say, why do I get to decide it goes down? I have said that we both use it to sit on but only he leaves it up.

He also doesn’t wipe the bowl rim and there will be pee round it and splashes on the floor I have asked him out of consideration for me could he please wipe the bowl and the floor when he’s done? Again he’s accusing me of being controlling by asking him to change the way he uses the toilet when he’s done it that way all his life.

I find it disgusting and I’m reeling from his lack of consideration for me. Luckily we have a cleaner so I am not the one cleaning the toilet but I still wipe it before she comes round as I feel sorry for her.

I had a similar issue with my teenage son. I kept calling him back to clean it up. I didn't care if friends or his girlfriend was round. I didn't make them aware, just called him out his room etc.

He soon learnt and it's no longer an issue. If I had a partner that did this I'd do the same.

I don't know how anyone an think this is acceptable behaviour.

This is absolutely rank.

He’s a filthy pig plus he’s a gaslighting arsehole. Asking someone not to leave PISS on the floor and toilet seat of a shared home is not controlling or condescending or “starting an argument” - it’s human decency to not leave bodily fluids behind.

This would be a deal breaker for me - it shows complete lack of care or respect for anyone but himself. Dirty git

The piss is disgusting. I have this battle with my 5 yo! For the poster who is a cleaner - I always make sure they don’t have to clean his piss!

The seat thing is widely misunderstood. You are supposed to put both the seat and the lid down not just the seat. Therefore it’s notnjust favouring women, the toilet bowl shouldn’t be on view.

All these people on the thread with dirty fuckers for partners / husbands. Making me feel utterly revolted.
If a man can’t pee into a bowl correctly or at least make an effort to wipe it up if he can’t, what else is he not bothered to do? Change his boxers, wipe his arse, give his dick a rinse once a week. Honestly it’s REVOLTING.
How did you all move in / marry these trolls?
How do you have sex with someone who’s piss you’ve regularly trod in barefoot?
Gah.
Unless it’s medical there’s just no excuse

I'm with you Grumpos

Use an old towel to clean it up and then leave it on his pillow? Seriously though he's being a twat, it's really not difficult to pee in the actual toilet and if it's beyond him he should be a grown up and admit his inadequacies and wipe up.

I'm with Grumpos too.

WTF. That is so grim.

Whether you believe it, or are able to accept it, he doesn't give a damn about you.

No man with any self respect, would behave in such a manner and not take corrective action.

The loo lid should be closed at all times.

Absolutely deal breaker. I couldn't live my life with such filthy, ignorant person.

I would be mortified that I had chosen to be with someone so ignorant and uncouth.

Think very hard about your future.

💐

Truly disgusting. I actually would find it hard to spend time with someone as condescending as that, let alone be married to him.
Quite a few posters have pointed out how disgusting it is to not have the lid down when flushing.

What a fucking pig he is.

I get annoyed enough at the children leaving the seat up, but a grown man? And not able to actually get the piss in the bowl? Disgusting.

He only has it up for pissing, it’s down when you use it and down when he has a dump. Lid should be shut when flushing anyway.

Ugh so minging. LT dirty B. Seriously.

Same. Pee all over, not just the bowl, but the actual toilet seat and the floor. I usually discovered the piss on the seat after sitting down on it. He also used to blow his nose (like a footballer, press one nostril shut and explosively blow snot out of the other nostril) in and over the toilet and in the kitchen sink.

He felt I was bu to ask him to lift the seat to pee, why should he do that when I didn't have to?

We are divorced now. Complete lack of respect. He was and is an utterly disgusting, disrespectful, pig.

My DP does put the seat down but walks away from his skids. Drives me mad.

I honestly think that standing up to pee is a primal form of men asserting their authority - linked to territory marking and genital displays. They can get quite defensive when you ask them to remember we live in the 21st century, not the stone age.

Here's what worked for me: Remember the women-at-the-urinal-scene in "The Full Monty"? Tell your husband that from now on, you are going to pee standing up, to save you having to put the seat down that he's left up. Tell him you'll do your best to aim into the pan, but if you miss, you'll just walk away and leave it, because that's what he does.

(It only took this announcement to get both my husband and son to stop. The look on my son's face when I suggested it would be fine for me to leave wee on the floor was priceless.)

To assist them, I did leave a pack of flushable disinfectant wipes (now not quite so acceptable, as we all know they aren't really flushable) so that he had something to hand to do the cleaning with, which made it a bit less irksome for them. Funnily enough though, we didn't need the full pack of wipes because once they got into the habit of cleaning up after themselves, their aim miraculously improved.

Honestly if there were more women plumbers I think there would just be toilet designs you couldn't piss in standing up! We have a window by the loo and a slanting ceiling which puts most men off

Cd you mock up a spray bottle of piss (yellow food colouring or dilute pineapple juice) and ask to spray it at his bare arse whenever you find wee everywhere?

Oh anonanon that is PRIZE

Is there something wrong with his outlet that renders him incapable of aiming. Does he need to see a doctor about it perhaps?

I've never understood why some women expect the loo seat to be left down for them. Why do only women get to demand that it's left ready for them to use, and how hard is it to put the seat down for yourself?

Mostly I don't mind, especially since we got soft close seats and i can just tap the top to close it, rather than having to grab it with my whole hand when i don’t know whether there’s pee or anything else on it and lower it all the way.

At night though if it’s left up and I get up for a wee in the dark, nothing worse in a sleep deprived state than sitting down heavily and finding the seat is up

As for wee everywhere, dh has some pretty disgusting habits but does manage to wee in the bowl 99.9% of the time. What are all these blokes doing to get pee all over?

Dh and I take it in turns to clean the bathroom anyway.

I take it you've asked what's supposed to happen if someone needs to use the loo before the cleaner turns up? What's his response to that?

You're controlling to not want piss on the floor?

I'm wary of these men who use certain keywords. If your marriage ever deteriorates you'll probably find yourself amused of domestic (emotional) abuse...

If you left blood on the seat, he'd have something to say about your basic hygiene standards I bet.

It's not controlling to expect someone not live like a disgusting animal.
Why did you marry him if he has always done this? Surely you knew at some point and thought it acceptable enough to live with?

The seat being down is not about 'ready' for use (I mean, you could argue that the mere presence of a seat indicates down is the correct placement, and that both men and women sit, only men stand so it should be in the position used by both), the seat and the lid should be down before you flush. It's disgusting that some people flush with the lid up

You would kick a housemate out who behaved this way just sayin’

He’s vile and disrespectful. What a pig of a man.

I'm not bothered by the toilet seat up or down but not cleaning up after himself is disgusting.

I have a DH and three sons and now I am outnumbered he uses that as an excuse for not putting the seat down (although in all fairness 95% of the time he does). Thankfully he has good aim, but those nights where I rush to the loo in the dark and end up with my arse in a bowl of cold water are grim

@vampyress

Feel you, it’s such a rude shock when that happens!

I don’t use my hands to pop the seat down. I use my knee or if have bare legs some toilet paper so no skin on skin contact with the lid. Also use toilet paper to press the flush button

But it appears as didn’t know to close the lid before flushing my efforts to be germ free have all been in vain, as my bathroom air is completely contaminated with fecal matter

This thread has been eye opening.

I vote we move this to relationships, must know what happens & if the husband learns to change his ways

He sounds disrespectful I couldn’t put up with that. I wish more wives/partners encouraged their male SO to clean the toilet after using it, as a cleaner I’m repulsed by the way some men treat their own loo and leave it for me to fix so couldn’t imagine being the OH of them!