AIBU to expect DH to put toilet seat down and clean up afterwards?

[sadlycindy]

He leaves the toilet seat up and says he won’t put it down as why should he do what I say, why do I get to decide it goes down? I have said that we both use it to sit on but only he leaves it up.

He also doesn’t wipe the bowl rim and there will be pee round it and splashes on the floor I have asked him out of consideration for me could he please wipe the bowl and the floor when he’s done? Again he’s accusing me of being controlling by asking him to change the way he uses the toilet when he’s done it that way all his life.

I find it disgusting and I’m reeling from his lack of consideration for me. Luckily we have a cleaner so I am not the one cleaning the toilet but I still wipe it before she comes round as I feel sorry for her.

That’s horrible OP! DH cleans up every time if needed (and leaves the seat/lid down). I’d be furious if he left the toilet in the state you describe!

The fact he thinks this is funny & you asking him to clean up his bodily fluids is being controlling highlights that this person doesn’t respect you. You’re the piss cleaner. That’s so degrading....

At least the post yesterday about the guy who had the cum rag collection in the bedside drawer had the decency to be embarrassed about it

I never understand the seat up/down thing. How is that a thing?
100% of people who use a lavatory should close the lid BEFORE flushing it. 100% of the time. Anything else is just minging, bogging filthy.

Of course the loo seat should always be left down!
Are you telling me that people flush the loo without having the seat and lid down?? It's well known that toilet water sprays around the room in microscopic droplets coating everything including tooth brushes. Putting the lid down goes a long way to preventing most of this.
Do your wee, put the seat and lid down and flush. There shouldn't be any need to leave the seat up unless you don't ever flush. Which would be gross.

Who is he expecting to clean it up then?

I use that line on my kids regularly when they leave shit lying around. “Who are you expecting to pick/clean that up?”. With a proper face. Only took once or twice before they got the message that I’m not their maid.

Never had to use it on DH but maybe give it a try?

And you still find him attractive...?

He sounds disgusting.

We keep the lid to shut anyway, so no debate about whether seat is up or not.

He expects the cleaner to clean it up. I’ve told him it’s disgusting and not fair to expect the cleaner to do that, that’s why I wipe the toilet before she comes round. He says that’s up to me but that’s what cleaners do.

I read on here before that every time your DH does something like this (expect you to clean up whatever mess they make, be it a mug in the sink, laundry on the floor, pee on the toilet seat, etc) that it's basically them saying to you "fuck you" every single time because he's expecting you to clean it up and who cares that you have to clean it up. He's a disgusting pig.

When he says he expects the cleaner to do it - does the cleaner live with you and so cleans the toilet after every time he uses it? Because otherwise he expects YOU to clean it up. Have you said that to him?

Ask him why he thinks your shared bathroom should be an open sewer. How lovely that your DC could soon be walking in his father's piss.

That's disgusting. Not acceptable past the age of 3.

My DP always wipes if any splashes, puts the seat down, because he isn't a disrespectful wanker.

Also, "controlling" is not letting someone go out / see friends / wear what they want, not expecting a basic level of hygiene. Such a bizarre argument.

It's weird to splash your pee about and then not wipe it up, whether you are male, female, adult or child. Weird and disgusting. I am very easy going about most stuff but imo I would draw the line at this, it's an argument worth having imo, every single time if necessary.

The fact he thinks it’s a cleaner’s job to scrub his piss shows what a piece of shit he is with misogynist features. Cleaners are not slaves. They do a deep clean but that doesn’t mean you can live like a bloody pig & expect them to clean up gross messes. A cleaner can drop you as a client if the mess is not worth their time.

Also this means he expects everyone else to step in his piss for a week until the cleaner arrives. Guests to your house have to see the filthy loo. It shows such a lack of respect for the rest of the family.

Horrid that he leaves the toilet seat up to flush as the droplets will be going everywhere. This can be resolved by getting a self closing seat. It'll drive him mad because he'll have to hold it open to pee .

The piss round the rim/on the floor is minging. As PP have said, your cleaner isn't there 24/7 so it would be sitting around for a while between their visits if you didn't mop it up. Your young son may put his hand on the toilet to steady himself when he's in the bathroom (eg when waiting to be put in the bath) and it's vile that he thinks that would be acceptable.

I'd be tempted to out-gross him. Get some Nutella and leave some smeared in the pan when you've used the bathroom. Let him think it's something else and when he comments tell him it's fine, it can stay there until the cleaner visits.

Bad choice of husband unfortunately.

I don’t agree she should try to outgross him but should she go down this path the only way to go is a good old fashioned REVERSE KANGA (google it)

Insert Australian cultural cringe here

But what about if you need to use to use the toilet before the cleaners come - will he admit that he's expecting you to wipe up his pee?

He is very entitled, and disrespectful. Actually, I think he is a bit controlling.

His piss means more to him than you or your DC do, apparently.

My 'D'P does this, I have asked and asked for him to just wipe the piss he gets on the floor up, he does it once or twice then reverts to not caring, even when I've got angry because I've stood in it and need to wash my feet. He also pisses all over the toilet seat because he can't be bothered to put it up on occasion, and then I sit on it as you can't see urine on a orangey pine toilet seat. Some of the many reasons I dream of living alone.

Cleaner here. Is your DH my client?! I've got one whose loos are always covered in piss. It's vile, and makes me feel worthless as a human being when dealing with it. I would seriously consider leaving my bloody sanitary products laying round u til he got the message.

As some others have pointed out its not just the seat which should be put down its the lid as well! If you flush with the lid up then poo and wee particles spread over the nearby bathroom and as most people's are quite small this includes coverinG toothbrushes etc.