AIBU to expect DH to put toilet seat down and clean up afterwards?

[sadlycindy]

He leaves the toilet seat up and says he won’t put it down as why should he do what I say, why do I get to decide it goes down? I have said that we both use it to sit on but only he leaves it up.

He also doesn’t wipe the bowl rim and there will be pee round it and splashes on the floor I have asked him out of consideration for me could he please wipe the bowl and the floor when he’s done? Again he’s accusing me of being controlling by asking him to change the way he uses the toilet when he’s done it that way all his life.

I find it disgusting and I’m reeling from his lack of consideration for me. Luckily we have a cleaner so I am not the one cleaning the toilet but I still wipe it before she comes round as I feel sorry for her.

That's disgusting. I wouldn't be able to live with someone who did that. My mum has kicked male relatives out who have done this. Neither my brother or father or DH do this. No suggestions as he seems adamant to continue that way. Maybe if you had two loos I would designate one to yourself and actually keep it locked so he has to face his filthy behaviour. Maybe then he will change when he wants to sit down for number two and there is splattered urine everywhere. Gross!

Thanks al for your replies. Too many to reply to.

I don't think I could outgross him, but I will say to him, "how would he feel if I dripped period blood over the toilet seat and floor and didn't clean it up?".

Thanks whoever mentioned gaslighting - him making out I am controlling him by asking him to clean up after himself, did make me wonder if I am controlling after all, thats why I had to come on here for advice as I thought it disgusting. I got up this morning and there was drips on the floor, toilet seat up and drips all over the rim of the toilet bowl. I was furious. Yet if I saying anything about it, he will then turn it around and make it me being unreasonable by trying to "control" him. I will say to him, that is not controlling behaviour, that is what I would expect of a housemate.

I did mention to him a while back that not putting the toilet seat down was disrespectful and he went off his head. I was brought up that it was polite to do so. We spoke about this, and how he said me wanting him to do what I wanted was controlling, so we agreed to both put the toilet seat down. He has stopped doing this now though...I wonder if I am forgetting so he's doing it as a protest.

I have been trying to think how he gets urine everywhere (splashes) and all I can think is that he doesn't wipe himself. I suggested he do that and he said I was trying to control how he peed now!

I just don't feel I can win, no matter what I say, he counteracts and falls out with me for controlling him.

So do you want to live your life with someone who disrespects you like that?

Send him back to his mother for potty training until he can be a civilised human

He leaves the toilet seat up and says he won’t put it down as why should he do what I say, why do I get to decide it goes down? I have said that we both use it to sit on but only he leaves it up.

You are both wrong.
Toilets are designed to have both the seat AND THE LID closed while not in use. Hence, more of the germs released by flushing are retained within the bog rather than your bathroom.

Not cleaning up the mess he makes is appalling though. No able-bodied human should EVER expect someone else to clear up their shit or urine - paid or not.

The fact that he has done so all his life does NOT make you controlling. It makes him a disgusting twat who thinks he's better than the people he arbitrarily leaves to clean his shit up.

Does he also leave pee everywhere at work? In the loos at work we have notices everywhere telling us to leave it as we would like to find it. I hate the notices, but at least the loos are mostly clean.

Send him back to his mother for potty training until he can be a civilised human

Yep. That’s right. It’s his mother’s fault.
How about it being his own responsibility??

The amount of (90% male) customers who leave piss drips all over the place and or don't flush is frightening. I'd hate to live with them.

I'm longing to make a sign 'stand closer, it's smaller than you think', but sadly we have a male boss...

I second a pp's suggestion of puppy pads BTW.

Calm down it was lighthearted comparing him to a toddler who hasn’t been trained yet is the point and obviously it’s fully his responsibility to piss properly and stop disrespecting his wife and home (and cleaner who likely despises their home but has bills to pay)

Leaving the toilet seat up isn't an issue.
Not cleaning up his own piss is absolutely disgusting though.

Maybe your DH is a 'shaker' and shakes his dick after a pee to get rid of any drips and this is what is going over the seat and floor?

I think you should get one of these wall vinyls and put it up when he's not there.

@sadlycindy ~~~
So any changes?

And to everyone else, please forgive -- but this isn't QUITE a Zombie thread yet!

I remember this from before, and I'm interested to know if there has been any improvement.
(Or a divorce.)

Please update OP?