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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to put toilet seat down and clean up afterwards?

113 replies

sadlycindy · 11/11/2019 07:42

He leaves the toilet seat up and says he won’t put it down as why should he do what I say, why do I get to decide it goes down? I have said that we both use it to sit on but only he leaves it up.

He also doesn’t wipe the bowl rim and there will be pee round it and splashes on the floor I have asked him out of consideration for me could he please wipe the bowl and the floor when he’s done? Again he’s accusing me of being controlling by asking him to change the way he uses the toilet when he’s done it that way all his life.

I find it disgusting and I’m reeling from his lack of consideration for me. Luckily we have a cleaner so I am not the one cleaning the toilet but I still wipe it before she comes round as I feel sorry for her.

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 11/11/2019 09:58

Yanbu.

That is disgusting. My FIL does this when he stays with us and it utterly baffles me why.. especially with small children about. When we stay at the in-laws I try not to use the loo at night because the second you walk in, you’re hit with the smell of urine, seat is up, urine spotted around the toilet. I’m more awake due to trying to concentrate on how to not step in urine. My husband thankfully doesn’t do this because if it was something he did while we were dating, we wouldn’t have gone further.

prawnsword · 11/11/2019 09:59

In my defense, keep my toilet brush in the cupboard & feel so gritty knowing my bathroom is covered in invisible pop particles now

Blush
prawnsword · 11/11/2019 09:59

Grotty not gritty

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 11/11/2019 10:06

I couldn't find a man like that attractive. Expecting the cleaner to wipe his piss is revolting.

AngelsSins · 11/11/2019 10:15

Eww what a dirty pig, and a arsehole to boot, thinking it’s a woman’s job to clear up his piss. How are you even attracted to him? I don’t think I ever could have moved in with someone this disrespectful and has no motive to change.

I think I’d mention it in front of his family and try to shame him for it, or stop washing his dirty pants and when he nags you about it, tell him to stop being controlling, or as others have suggested, start leaving blood on the toilet seat. Don’t be scared of an argument though, that’s what he’s counting on.

drivingtofrance · 11/11/2019 10:22

Ugh. He's being controlling not you.

PanchoBarnes · 11/11/2019 10:31

That's putrid.
Not only does he not respect you, he has no self respect, either.
How can he not be embarrassed by that?

I'm so glad that my DH is respectful of me, himself, and our home.
(He always closes the lid, as well.)

This is one if those times that I think maybe the thread should be shown to the offender.
I would show him this thread -- but of course he, being the type he apparently is, will throw a tantrum.

Not cleaning one's own piss is revolting in itself; but the fact that he won't do it when it is so offensive to you, is inexcusable.

He knowingly and deliberately offends you, every single day.

Jackass.

BlankTimes · 11/11/2019 10:32

Get a pack of puppy training pads.
Cut one so it fits around the toilet like the old fashioned toilet mats.
They display a slightly different colour/look transparent when they get wet, so he should be able to see what a mess he's making.

He's disgusting. I feel sorry for your cleaner, if I was her I'd refuse to do it and tell him why.

PanchoBarnes · 11/11/2019 10:34

@prawnsword
Grotty not gritty

...and poop, not pop. Grin

BlankTimes · 11/11/2019 10:35

Oh forgot to say, there are ultraviolet torches you can get which show up urine. I'd make him look at his own mess with one of those as well so he can literally see it.

Confusedbeetle · 11/11/2019 10:37

Prioritise. Ask him pleasantly to wipe round the rim when hes done. Our toilets are a bad design for me. You really shouldnt care about the seat up

NaviSprite · 11/11/2019 10:42

He sounds like a pig Envy - not envy!

My DH was a bit like this and he got the hump when I addressed it with him as well, his ‘reasoning’ was that the toilet seat is filthy so why should he have to touch it to put it down... to which my not so subtle reply was “you have to touch it to put it up! You’re the only one who does, so why the fuck should I touch the germ covered seat to accommodate you?” I think the look on my face and tone of my voice carried the message well enough as I’m not usually a confrontational person but it wound me up enough to get quite stern.

He still has moments where he forgets (like in the middle of the night) but he is generally better now because I said his behaviour was unattractive and demeaning to me, that I obviously wasn’t worth the effort of clearing up his own piss like a bloody grown up in his mind...

Your DH is a prick, does he often laugh when you try to get him to see your POV? Because that is a disgusting attitude Sad

JacquesHammer · 11/11/2019 10:42

Ask him pleasantly to wipe round the rim when hes done

She has asked him pleasantly and he’s refused.

Why do so many people insist on pandering to the revolting behaviour of men?!

Gottobefree · 11/11/2019 10:45

Put a waterproof children's material all around the rim and floor so he feels like a child ! reflect how he acts !
Sorry but he sounds dreadful

Nanny0gg · 11/11/2019 10:53

Does your cleaner come daily?

If not, do you really just leave it for her?

Also, is it your only loo? Because if not, leave it for him and don't clean it at all.

Otherwise, refuse to do any washing or cleaning that benefits him.

Dirty pig.

SunshineAngel · 11/11/2019 10:54

My partner does this and it drives me mad because he won't lift the actual seat up to pee, so it drips, and then he doesn't notice it's dripped as we have a light brown wooden seat, so you can't really tell until someone (I'm the only female in the house!) sits on it and gets a pissy bum.

Even DSS doesn't do that, and he can be an absolute nightmare sometimes with mess etc!

Nanny0gg · 11/11/2019 10:56

@Confusedbeetle
Prioritise. Ask him pleasantly to wipe round the rim when hes done. Our toilets are a bad design for me. You really shouldn't care about the seat up

Pleasantly?? After the way he treats the OP? He's have his head on a plate first if he were my husband. (Or shoved down the pan)

And the seat up is disgusting. Unless you like fecal matter all over your bathroom.

MulticolourMophead · 11/11/2019 10:58

This is minging, really rank.

It's basic hygiene 101, that he's choosing not to do. It's also a lack of respect to you and everyone else who uses that bathroom.

And when he says he's expecting the cleaner to clean his piss, he really means you. Because he's not seriously expecting his piss to be cleaned once a week.

If this twat was not willing to clean up in future, he'd be an ex-twat very quickly. I wouldn't accept the poor hygiene or lack of respect

BuildBuildings · 11/11/2019 11:00

I assume you're married to an adult. Why can't he piss like an adult and not get wee everywhere? Popping the seat up or down is no biggie but doing it in someone else's wee is gross.

Geppili · 11/11/2019 11:05

Google aerosolised faeces and urine when you flush the loo with the lid up.

Heartburn888 · 11/11/2019 11:07

I never understand men who can’t wee in the toilet correctly. They have a pointer for gods sake!

But he should be putting it back down.

Geppili · 11/11/2019 11:09

And show him this thread. Smile

GabriellaMontez · 11/11/2019 11:14

Is this part of a pattern of inconsiderate and disrespectful behaviour?

Or is he otherwise perfect?

habipprtyh · 11/11/2019 11:15

Marking his territory and stamping his authority like a dog. What a prick

EKGEMS · 11/11/2019 12:06

Yeah great human being there leave piss on floor for child to crawl in