Thrown out of restaurant for bringing newborn baby

[toddlermom]

Hi all,

Just need to vent and wondering if I should complain and if so who to. We went to one of my (ex) favourite London restaurants (Amaya) last night (wearing 5 week old baby in cloth sling, as I often do).

Walked in, got to our table, I took off my jacket and went to sit down but the waitress stopped me and said I couldn't sit down and had to leave the restaurant as she could now see (that I had taken off jacket) that I had a baby and 'children aren't allowed in the restaurant". I said it was a baby - who was asleep - and unlikely to wakeup - and she said it didn't matter, they don't let any children in the restaurant.

The manager came over, said the same thing, they were really, really rude and unfriendly. Didn't say sorry or sympathise, empathise in any way.

They don't have any social media presence so I can't even tweet them and vent on social. I could write a letter to the owner? Or is there anything else I should do? Or AIBU and just not go there again? Any advice welcome!! Thank you!

Bitter how, @ferntwist? About what- someone having a baby? Seems unlikely. About being able to afford to dine at Michelin starred restaurants? I'm sure most people could stump up for a special occasion if they really wanted to. And they'd probably hope that their meal wasn't disturbed.

Once you admit babes-in-arms, you can bet your pudding that some parents will bring older babies and toddlers, insisting that their angels will be fine beeping away on an iPad or something.

The restaurant sounds pretty reasonable: children are allowed at certain times but not at others. It's not difficult to ascertain that either on the website or the telephone.

It sounds like you're being precious - "oh, the rules could only possibly be applied to the children of OTHER people, my own is clearly an exception to the rule..." good for them for enforcing the rule for EVERYONE.

There are some very bitter people out there

Which part of the OP do you think is causing people to be bitter?

I'm surprised so many people seem to like childfree restaurants. Whilst toddlers can sometimes be noisy most children are absolutely fine so I can see no reason for excluding them. I find many adults to be much more noisy especially when it had a few drinks.

Yes restaurants can have whatever rules they like and obviously some people obviously think childfree is great it would really put me off somewhere. It seems very unreasonable to exclude people just because of their age.

Its your favourite restaurant? That implies you’ve eaten her on more than one occasion.... you also have 3 other children, plus a now new born.

Are you seriously telling me out of all the time you’ve eaten at your favourite restaurant you haven’t taken any of your other 3 said children and not been aware of the no child policy?

Sounds to me like you thought you could get away with a new born. You knew full well they don’t allow children and now your embarrassed and looking for someone to tell you it was the right decision. It wasn’t.

Ha. We walked into a local restaurant/pub with our dc in a pushchair. A member of staff came over very quickly and said "We have a no children policy". My response was "Oh, sorry, we didn't realise" and turned to leave. My MiL started complaining to the staff member that ds was well behaved, wouldn't run around, etc. Staff turned slightly cooler and briskly repeated that children were not permitted. Once we got outside MiL said "Well! Wasn't she rude! I'm not going back there again, how disgusting!"

I didn't see any rudeness and when people say that someone was in these kind of circumstances, I automatically assume that they have got gobby with staff and disliked being told No. I don't think it's too large a reach to imagine this could have happened here.

And frankly, if I was intending to book a table in a Michelin starred restaurant I would expect there to be a no children policy in the evening as a minimum, and would see it as MY responsibility to check.

The best bit on this thread is the claim that newborns don't make much noise 🤣🤣

When I've shelled out £50 on a babysitter plus whatever the meal costs, I absolutely do not want to be surrounded by other people's children, however well-behaved.

Jesus Christ, the absolutely awful “legal” advice on this thread!

Age discrimination is not illegal if it is a proportionate means to achieve a legitimate aim, which it is here. Children are banned to not disrupt other diners in a fine dining establishment. School pupils can be banned from visiting shops in uniform/groups to prevent shoplifting/antisocial behaviour etc. It is legal.

I’d have been very pissed off if I’ve paid good money for a great meal & their is a child/baby at a time when it’s no children. That will be why I’ve chosen it.

Dh & I went away after miscarriages to an adult only hotel. I’d have been devastated if someone like the OP had rocked up not thinking the rules applied to them.

@UhareFouxisci - you do realise that eating out is not a basic human right? And that restaurants are privately owned businesses who have every right to decide who they do and do not want on their premises, not publicly funded, community resources that should be open to anyone?

Do you think Michelin starred restaurants are behaving unethically because they deliberately try to exclude people who cannot afford their prices?

It might be a bit different if the OP lived somewhere that had only one place to eat out - the restaurant would still have every right to decide who they allowed in their premises, but the OP would have more justification to be miffed at being excluded.

But the OP was eating out in London - and I am willing to bet that there are one or two establishments in our Nation’s Capital that will cater for breastfeeding mums and their babies.

Everyone thinks their child isthe exception and 'always so quiet'. I suspect those are the noisiest ones. I'm glad they stuck to their policy, I love childfree places. Lots of other restaurants are child friendly.

YABU. Totally on the side of Amaya, lovely restaurant, good for them. I’m really happy that they stick to their policy. I don’t want to be in the company of a newborn when I’m trying to have a grown up evening with my DH

And newborns are quiet? You’re funny OP

Children are absolutely annoying, especially toddlers or screaming babies. It’s very hard to tune out their high pitched voices, especially if you don’t have children or aren’t otherwise desensitised to the noise.

I don’t want to hear your toddler singing, screaming, having a tantrum, asking silly questions, making weird noises, throwing food etc in a Michelin star restaurant. Do that at McDonald’s.

'children aren't allowed in the restaurant".

Yep. And a baby is a child too.

Thank fuck for that. We need a time out too (single mum here) without kids running riot in a restaurant for staff to have to fucking deal with it.

I know, I know, a baby will not run riot. but will start crying and screaming anyway for milk.

Get a babysitter if you want to go out for dinner, or get it that life is at home now....

Age discrimination is not illegal if it is a proportionate means to achieve a legitimate aim, which it is here. Children are banned to not disrupt other diners in a fine dining establishment. School pupils can be banned from visiting shops in uniform/groups to prevent shoplifting/antisocial behaviour etc. It is legal.

I don't see how it should be legitimate to ban people of a certain age because other people that age have been shoplifters. If everyone they caught shoplifting was in their 30s I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't be able to ban people between the ages of 30 and 40 on that basis. The discrimination only ever seems to apply to children.

I also wonder how badly behaved children of those who like childfree restaurants must be.

YANBU. I’m shocked by the attitude of so many posters here towards a newborn baby. There are some very bitter people out there.

The attitude isn’t towards the newborn baby but towards the mother who seems to think that an exception should be made for her child. Not wanting your expensive restaurant experience to be disturbed by noisy children/a crying baby does not make a person bitter.

I love childfree restaurants. Because sometimes I want to concentrate on what I’m eating and drinking without the noise children naturally make.

Dd has been to some of the best restaurants in the world with me (at lunch tome, if they accept children obvs) and behaves wonderfully. Doesn’t mean I don’t like to have adult only spaces at times.

I also wonder how badly behaved children of those who like childfree restaurants must be

Not badly behaved at all. We’ve been eating out with her since she was 5 days old. We didn’t however choose to go somewhere that didn’t allow children.

We would always like a choice whether to dine with or without children.

Don’t be ridiculous @woodchuck99. Mine are late teens/early 20’s now. I don’t want to eat with other people’s children thank you. I’ve done my time.

I also wonder how badly behaved children of those who like childfree restaurants must be.

I like child free restaurants but I have no badly behaved children.

@woodchuck99

I follow the Montessori method for parenting. My kids have grown I to very independent individuals who abolsaulry understand andaways accept the boundaries given to them. They have all the freedom they want within those limits, so for meal times when they are told that they may choose whatever food from the serving dishes they want, but they must not disrupt anyone else, they listen. They don't have screens or any of that. They simply join the conversation or eat quietly.

I know my children will behave. But I don't know that everyone else's children will behave... And quite honestly, we eat out a lot and the behaviour I've seen from other children has been truly awful, unless they have their face stuck in a screen. That's why I enjoy child free restaurants when I don't have my own children with me.

I said no children at my wedding. Cousin came anyway with his 5 week old. I wasn’t happy but didn’t have a say as my mum and dad were paying for it and mum didn’t want to rock the boat. The baby screamed all the way through the service. Only saw them twice after that and then they got divorced so won’t see them again.

My phone has a massive crack on the screen. Please forgive the really bad typing above!