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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is taking the piss with his hobbies and activities at weekends?

83 replies

Prinny1 · 09/11/2019 22:02

Both of us work full time. We co-own our own business. Two DC, ages 9 and 15.

Every Friday evening DH goes to the pub to meet friends at about 4pm. Gets home anytime between 8 and 11, tipsy. Is snoring on sofa within 5 minutes of getting in. Leaves all making dinner/clearing away/sorting younger DC out/sorting dogs out to me. Won't chat or communicate when he gets home.

Every Saturday; goes off to do one of several hobbies as early as 7.30 am. Today was clay pigeon shooting with friends followed by a long hike with same friends. Gets in anytime from 5pm onwards. Moans about how tired he is, then falls asleep on the sofa. Has no interaction with any of us when he gets home. Tonight he's been snoring away on the sofa, mouth open, since 7pm. All chores/sorting dogs out/ferrying DC to activities are left to me all day.

On Sundays he spends the day lounging around, moaning about how tired he is from the previous day.

AIBU to think he's taking the piss? He thinks I'm being unreasonable!

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 09/11/2019 22:05

YANBU . What are you getting out of the marriage? Do the DCs get any interaction with their dad?

Hugsgalore · 09/11/2019 22:05

Oh op I would lose my shit!! He sounds like an absolute dick.

What do you get out of this relationship?

Caselgarcia · 09/11/2019 22:05

I'd go out and do my own hobbies on Sunday, that way you get time to yourself and you don't have to hear his moaning. Seems fair.

Original poster
Prinny1 · 09/11/2019 22:07

I do go to a yoga class on a Sunday morning but it doesn't seem fair to just go out all day and leave the kids to it. Plus he won't usually do anything in the house except a bit of occasional DIY so I still have to do everything when I get back.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 09/11/2019 22:10

When does he get to see the children, or do anything with them?

Veterinari · 09/11/2019 22:11

Plus he won't usually do anything in the house except a bit of occasional DIY so I still have to do everything when I get back.

Then stop doing it all, stop enabling your husband to live like a single man and have an adult conversation about fair division of labour.

Original poster
Prinny1 · 09/11/2019 22:13

He never does anything with the children.

Believe me I've tried to have an adult conversation with him but apparently I'm unreasonable.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 09/11/2019 22:13

You don’t “have” to do everything. That’s how he gets away with doing bugger all. Stop doing it.
Each week we go through what needs to be done (eg parent eve, sports events) and who’s doing what.

OverByYer · 09/11/2019 22:13

YANBU i would be cross too. When are you spending any time together as a family?

Span1elsRock · 09/11/2019 22:14

Leave work early next Friday, and tell him on your way out through the door that he's getting the DC and you'll be home when you feel like it. And get up earlier than him on the Saturday and do the same.

DH and I also run a business together. We alternate days off and share things round the house; and if one leaves early then they sort the dogs out and start on tea etc.

It's only a happy relationship when you're both pulling your weight. When one isn't and is taking the piss, then there's a problem.

bluetue · 09/11/2019 22:15

Fuck that. You need to shut that shit down.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/11/2019 22:16

I agree with a PP, next week beat him to it.

Original poster
Prinny1 · 09/11/2019 22:16

I wouldn't actually mind him going out and doing hobbies if he didn't a)fall asleep the second he gets in b) wasn't totally uncommunicative and c) didn't moan constantly about being tired when he's been doing what he wants all day.

OP posts:
FlamingoAndJohn · 09/11/2019 22:16

Announce that on Friday you are going for a drink with friends and the a hobby on Saturday therefore he will have to get shit done.

Wattagoose90 · 09/11/2019 22:18

Really?! I wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour. He's an inconsiderate arse!

RedSheep73 · 09/11/2019 22:18

He is taking the piss.

OopsISnappedAndFarted · 09/11/2019 22:19

Does he think he’s a single guy with a ‘family option’? He’s having a laugh surely?!

whymewhyme · 09/11/2019 22:22

He sounds very selfish, show him this thread if he says your reasonable

Wearywithteens · 09/11/2019 22:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Quartz2208 · 09/11/2019 22:33

So you co own a business but you do everything else

Yes this can’t go on

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/11/2019 22:34

Sounds awful to me.

Ginfordinner · 09/11/2019 22:37

What would happen if you stopped doing his washing or cooking meals for him?

Thehop · 09/11/2019 22:41

He’s a selfish arse by the sounds and you’d get more time to yourself if you split! I’d remind him of that.

BitOfFun · 09/11/2019 22:44

Don't show him the thread- it won't help, and he will just get defensive.

Blondebakingmumma · 09/11/2019 22:44

Does he cook meals? At least allocate him to cook Sunday evening and clear up afterwards since you do it Friday and Saturday. Then he is responsible for getting the kids into bed.

Tell him you would like to start going out fridays too and the only fair compromise is it alternate

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