To think DH is taking the piss with his hobbies and activities at weekends?

[Prinny1]

Both of us work full time. We co-own our own business. Two DC, ages 9 and 15.

Every Friday evening DH goes to the pub to meet friends at about 4pm. Gets home anytime between 8 and 11, tipsy. Is snoring on sofa within 5 minutes of getting in. Leaves all making dinner/clearing away/sorting younger DC out/sorting dogs out to me. Won't chat or communicate when he gets home.

Every Saturday; goes off to do one of several hobbies as early as 7.30 am. Today was clay pigeon shooting with friends followed by a long hike with same friends. Gets in anytime from 5pm onwards. Moans about how tired he is, then falls asleep on the sofa. Has no interaction with any of us when he gets home. Tonight he's been snoring away on the sofa, mouth open, since 7pm. All chores/sorting dogs out/ferrying DC to activities are left to me all day.

On Sundays he spends the day lounging around, moaning about how tired he is from the previous day.

AIBU to think he's taking the piss? He thinks I'm being unreasonable!

You’re not his wife, you’re his employee (at best). He gets the life of his single mates while also having his house cleaned, his meals cooked, his laundry done, kids when he wants them and presumably sex too.

It’s pretty clear what he gets out of this - what about you?

I appreciate it’s difficult when you’re so enmeshed in that you run a business together.

I’d be making an ultimatum - he steps up as a husband or father, or you’re divorcing. Get a new job or set up on your own - is he any good at running the business or are you pulling all the weight there too?

I wouldn’t stand for this!!!

Why are you with him? From what you describe, he's disinterested in his children and more interested in spending time with his friends than his family.

Be honest with yourself.

Did you come on here to just have a moan, or do you actually want things to change?

If you just came here to moan, then I hope you've got it out of your system and feel a bit better today.

If you want things to actually change then the change will have to come from you, because it's clear from this sentence - Believe me I've tried to have an adult conversation with him but apparently I'm unreasonable - that he's quite happy with how things are, has no intention of doing anything differently, and doesn't give a shit about your feelings.

The only people I feel sorry for in this are your kids, who are currently too young to do anything to change the life that you both are giving them, and appear to have a fucking useless excuse for a father and a mother that seems to be happy to accept that in their behalf.

YANBU, he's outrageous!

You are not unreasonable at all!

He's nothing but a lodger in yours and your children's house. Worse, he's a lodger you have to take care of like a child - feeding him, looking after him, cleaning up after him etc.

OP are you there?